CHAPTER 46
Claire
I’m finishing up my shift with Mrs. Kent on Friday when Harvey and I start texting back and forth. He texted me this week, and I’ve been waiting—more like dying—for him to ask me out again.
Audrey reminds me that he could be seeing other girls, but I think she’s wrong. Harvey wouldn’t do that. The possibility of him getting back with Gemma was always there, but not with other girls. I don’t think so.
“What’s got you smiling like that, hmm?” Mrs. Kent asks as I put my iPad away in my tote. “The complication?” she suggests, referring to one of our previous conversations.
I blush. “Yes.”
“You two made up?”
“It’s still complicated.” I chuckle.
“Well, is he sincerely sorry?”
I laugh at the certainty in her tone that it’s his fault. “I think so,” I add, realizing that I truly, deeply believe that.
“Then let it go, forgive. There are no such thing as complications—you either both want it, or you don’t.”
I think about her comment throughout my next work shift and the drive home until I park in my driveway that evening. That’s when Harvey calls me. My heart is beating out of my chest as I stare at his name on my phone.
I pick up. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he says softly. He sounds content, peaceful, even. It’s a far cry from the angry, moody man I met back in the winter. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No.” Not at all , I want to add, but don’t. “I just finished work. I’m home now.”
“That’s good. Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to hang out tomorrow afternoon.”
“I would love that,” I say, feeling giddy.
“I have a little picnic planned, so you can dress accordingly.”
“I’ll pick you up, okay?” I confirm, mentally rummaging through my wardrobe.
“One of these days, I’ll be the one picking you up.” He sighs. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Claire,” he teases afterward before hanging up.
I spend the night with Audrey helping me pick out an outfit, since my mom has a work event. We settle on a flowy white dress with sandals.
I shower and blow-dry my hair, then I watch a reality TV show for Audrey’s sake.
I’m nervous about tomorrow.
I’m tired of loving a man from a distance when he’s so close by.
Mrs. Kent’s words ring in my head all night. All the while, I listen to Audrey’s commentary about everyone on the show.
These shows aren’t my thing—historicals and romantic comedies are—but hanging out with my sister is important to me. Alas, sometimes one must suffer through it.
Our date the next day is at a beautiful park with picnic tables sitting on a grassy field, overlooking the water. The scenery is magnificent, but that’s not what catches my eye the most, no.
I can’t take my eyes off of Harvey.
He’s not using his wheelchair. He still brought it with him—it’s in his van on standby. We walk slowly, him on his crutches, to one of the tables.
I don’t ask more questions than need be. The last thing I want to do is act like his nurse. I left that job for a reason, and now it’s time I take on the role I’ve wanted to have in his life—as a girlfriend hopefully.
Still, as we sit at the table and I set down the basket of food, I can’t help the tears that gather in my eyes. I look away, then up.
“Hey, don’t cry, not for me,” he says, giving me the comfort of his hug.
I exhale. “I’m just so happy for you.”
He grins. “I won’t lie—I’m pretty happy for me too.”
I can’t remember the last time he was this carefree. It’s really nice to see. He holds my face in his hand and gives me a simple kiss, one full of promises and I miss you and I never stopped wanting you or loving you .
I want more kisses.
I want more nights in his bed.
But I settle for one kiss, knowing we have a lot to discuss beforehand.
“I got us lunch.” He hands me a sandwich with lemonade and chips. He also brought hummus and vegetables and some chocolate-covered strawberries.
“Thank you.” I beam, digging in. I was too nervous this morning to eat, and now that it’s well into the afternoon, I’m starving.
We talk about our summer plans and his longer work hours. I also bring up Mrs. Kent and how he’s the complication.
“That complication should do something about it. He’d be an idiot to let such an amazing woman go.” He winks, referring to himself.
“I don’t disagree,” I tease, and he laughs, his head thrown back, and it warms my heart to see him in such a good space mentally.
As we finish eating, he dives into telling me about his meeting with Gemma two weeks ago. At first, my heart rate picks up, but as he explains why he decided to meet with her after she texted him, I understand where he’s coming from. A part of me is even relieved that he saw her one last time and decided that he didn’t want her.
“It doesn’t bother you that she’s pregnant?” I wonder, completely shocked by that news.
He snorts. “Of course not. I wanted a little more time afterward to make sure any feelings that came up could be addressed with Dr. Lee. But nothing happened. That’s why I texted you this week. I couldn’t go another week without talking to you. And…I was beginning to worry you’d meet your future husband at a bakery or something,” he jokes.
“Harvey!” I shake my head, and he chuckles. “You know, I think it’s a good thing that you apologized to Gemma.”
“Yeah.” He picks at a piece of wood on the table. “I’m glad I did, to be honest.”
Hours pass and we finish all the food. My head is in his lap as I lounge on the seat of the picnic table, loving the way he cradles my face and looks down at me.
“Lately, I’ve been contemplating where I’m heading, and honestly, I still don’t know what I should be doing with my life.” Harvey snickers. “How can I even know what I want to do or who I want to be?”
“Harv…” I get up from my position and sit next to him, linking my arm through his. “Every year will bring you closer to who you’re meant to be. I truly believe that.”
“Yeah, I get that, but I don’t want to work at a tattoo shop my whole life. Nothing wrong with it. I guess I just expected to do more, artistically and in general.”
“So you will.” I shrug.
He stares into my eyes like they contain the stars of the galaxy. “I feel like I can take over the world with you by my side.”
I blush, leaning my head on his shoulder. “So, then, you will,” I whisper. He kisses my forehead, and we cuddle like that, watching the beautiful horizon.
Life is so precious.
We can sit here and wonder about our future until we turn blue with worry, or we can simply enjoy the moment and admire the sun for the exquisite ball of fire that it is.
If this isn’t life, what is? This is all I’ve ever known to do.
Take it moment by moment.
Breathe it in.
Feel it deeply.
Be it the misery or the magical moments that life evokes.
I pull back from his embrace, and we smile at each other fondly. Then he grabs my jaw and pulls me in closer to him, so close. “We should leave before I do things I shouldn’t.”
“Oh?” I clear my throat, my body heating up with his breath against my skin. “Such as?”
“I want to see you, feel your skin—smell you.” He lets go of my face and leans forward to smell the base of my neck. Then he pushes off the straps of my dress and bra, letting them fall away from my shoulder.
I swallow, looking around to ensure people aren’t staring at us. Luckily, our table is farther away.
I grab his jaw and lift his chin up, kissing all over his neck and down his Adam’s apple, loving the way his soft moan rings in my ears.
I can’t stand being away from him or apart any longer. I don’t know what I’ll do if he tells me he needs more time.
“Harvey…” I mumble, lust pooling between my legs.
He chuckles lightly—darkly—as if he knows what he’s doing to me. I bring my face next to his and bask in the feeling of this closeness as he traces his fingers down the side of my neck.
Finally, I get some relief when his lips embrace mine, and we kiss for an eternity.
I don’t want it to end.
All I want to do is feel his kisses on my mouth, on my body.
I grab on to his hair, deepening the kiss, my fingers then moving down to trace his five-o’clock shadow, holding on to his face for dear life.
He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me tightly toward him, until all I can think about and want is to be as close to this man as I possibly can. I would crawl inside his skin if I could, if only for a moment, to merge and become one with him.
I love this man in the deepest recesses of my soul. And I intend to bring that love to the surface with every moment I spend with him.
Cherishing him. Loving him. Supporting him.
It starts raining rather suddenly, so we pack everything up quickly and make our way back to his van, soaking wet.
Once we’re settled in our seats, we don’t hesitate. He turns to me, and we start making out again. This time ferociously, without holding back now that we’re alone. We kiss, and we pull each other’s hair, and our softs moans echo into each other’s mouths.
God. I want him, I want him, I want him.
“I don’t want to stay away from you any longer, Claire.”
“Then don’t,” I say breathlessly, knowing how this will end if we keep going.
We stare at one another, sensuality oozing between us, and he’s looking at me as if he wants to make a wife out of me.