Chapter 11
Jax - Strategy
Ilove you. I’ve never said those words to anyone before tonight.
When Elise didn’t respond in kind, or say anything about how she feels, it scared the hell out of me.
But I can’t take those words back. I won’t take them back.
It’s how I feel about her. Now I’ve got a lot more to figure out.
How to possibly live without hockey, and how to possibly live without the woman who has succeeded in thawing my frozen heart.
Based on what she did say, it’s clear that she’s completely focused on her career and won’t sacrifice it for the sake of someone else ever again.
And she shouldn’t. I could never ask that of her.
But it still sucks balls. I’ve never been one to believe in fate, but this time I may just have to stop trying to control the situation and leave it in fate’s hands.
My rehab is progressing ahead of schedule, giving me the hope that I can somehow convince management to let me return to the team for the playoff rounds, if we keep winning.
I’ve always been a risk taker, and I’m willing to risk another injury if I can get back into the game.
At least for the rest of the season. And I’m not averse to hard work; I’m willing to do whatever it takes.
When I asked for a meeting with the team doctor and the coach to feel them out about playing again, I didn’t get any clarity.
The team doctor essentially said I’d lost my mind and perhaps taken too many hits to the head to even be contemplating such a move.
Coach remained pretty quiet, which suggests to me that he would like to see me return, but can’t legally or morally say that out loud.
Caught between my competitive drive and long-term health concerns, I need to make some difficult decisions.
For the last few weeks, Elise has been a great listener and the voice of reason regarding my worries about the future.
I trust her completely and value her perspective regardless of what’s going on between the two of us.
We’ve been texting this morning, and when I suggested dinner so that I could seek her advice, she suggested instead that we meet at a gym centrally located between Palm Beach and Pelican Point.
Jax: You want to meet at a gym to talk?
Elise: Do you trust me?
Jax: You know I do.
Elise: Then meet me there at 4. In your gym clothes. :)
I pull into the parking lot of Hard Rock Gym a few minutes before four, seeing Elise’s Jeep already in the parking lot. She exits her vehicle as I’m parking my truck. She’s in gym clothes as well.
“Ready?”
“I have no idea what for, but I’m going to tell you I’m ready,” I say with a laugh.
We enter the gym and I immediately see why it’s called Hard Rock. At the other end of the gym is a huge rock climbing wall.
I look at her in disbelief. “We’re tackling the rock wall?”
She gives me a huge grin. “Today, you are. Don’t worry, I cleared this activity with your trainer.”
We check in and head over to the wall supervisor, who Elise calls by name.
“Hey, Joe, how’s it going?”
“Good. Haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“I’ve been busy with a lot of projects, so no time for the wall. This is my friend Jax. I’d like to introduce him to climbing therapy. He’s recovering from a shoulder injury, so can you set him up on beginner-level top-roping?”
“Sure, no problem.” He extends a hand. “Great to meet you, Jax. Let’s get you outfitted.”
As Joe gets me set up with a climbing harness, shoes, and a helmet, Elise explains what she has in mind.
“I know you’ve got some important decisions to make, and I don’t want to influence you with my biased perspective.
Whenever something’s weighing heavy on me, and I need to think it through, I tackle the rock wall.
The wall can be very humbling and it’s an equalizer.
Even though you’re an accomplished athlete, climbing this wall isn’t necessarily about strength or physical ability.
It’s about strategy. It requires patience, trust, communication, and self-awareness.
I’m hoping after you give it a try, you’ll get some clarity that will help you figure some things out. ”
I have to admit, it’s an intriguing proposition.
I like the idea of using both my body and my brain to work through a problem.
Once I put all of the protective gear on and Joe connects the rope to my harness, I’m ready to get to it.
I look up, scanning the fifty-foot-high wall, mentally planning a route when Elise, who’s standing behind me, speaks.
“Not so fast, Frost. Here’s where trust and communication come in. You can make all of your own decisions, or you can ask me to help guide you through the most effective route to the top.”
I carefully step onto a hold and grab a higher one to pull myself up in order to begin the climb.
I quickly realize some of the holds are larger grips than others and it’s more effective to use my legs to propel upward than to put the strain on my arms by trying to pull myself up.
And I don’t know this course at all, but Elise does.
Once I’m up about ten feet, I hesitate, unsure of my next move.
“Elise, I need your help.”
Putting my trust in Elise to help me accomplish the task of getting to the top of the wall helped me realize that I don’t have to take all the risk or try to control everything to go after something.
Hopefully, I can make some good decisions now.
Although I’m itching to get back on the ice, I don’t want to compromise all of the work I’ve put in to heal my shoulder injury.
The Blades have made it to the playoffs, and some of the guys are really stepping up into leadership roles.
Even though I’m still hoping to get back on the ice, I’m enjoying taking on a mentoring role, especially helping the younger players to deal with the pressures of playoffs and learning to pace themselves through the grueling nature of playoff rounds and overtime play.
Elise and I have settled in to a comfortable routine of working out together and putting in work hours at the arena, she on her art displays, and I on helping out with team practices.
Maybe I can have it all.