25. Kai
Chapter twenty-five
Kai
Hayes is quiet on the drive home. Wait. Home?
To his farm, I mean. It’s not home, and I worry he’ll never be ready to come out.
Granted, when I finished reading to Meg when Wayne said it was her bath time, I found Kristen giving her brother a significant look.
She would glance at me then back at him like she knew something about what Hayes and I were to each other.
That’s the thing though, we aren’t anything. I don’t even know what Hayes and I are doing together, besides having fun. And I think I’m fine with the situationship. I’m only here for as long as I can create content… Or as long as he wants me.
Plus, there’s the bisexual elephant in the room.
Coming out shouldn’t be rushed, and I don’t want to make Hayes feel like it’s necessary, so the bigger issue is needing to know if this thing between us is more than a summer fling.
I don’t want to be a dirty little secret like I was to men traveling through Hawaii and acting like sex on vacation doesn’t count. Either way, he needs time.
We do chat a bit about what I learned for planting saffron, which apparently likes marigolds and lavender in the same bed, and how Hayes can dry those flowers as well. Lavender is popular as well as being a deterrent to keep animals out of the plants.
This is not the kind of conversation I ever expected to have with the man I’m seeing, but I love how real things are with Hayes. They’re not shallow, since everything he does has an impact on the ability for his farm to keep running.
Despite enjoying Hayes’ company, and having a lovely evening with his family, I decide tonight needs to have a non-sexy ending.
Kissing goodnight in the hallway, I linger to let Hayes know I’m not rejecting him. “Thank you for bringing me. I loved reading with Meg and getting to know the people you’re always talking about better.”
“I’m glad. My family is important to me, and I can tell they like you,” he adds, a small earnest smile telling me he means every word. His gaze lingers on my lips like he’s hoping for more.
“I’m going to bed but you’re still helping me with the walls tomorrow, right?”
“Of course.”
“Goodnight, Farmboy.” Kissing Hayes one last time, because I am tired and also need space to think but can’t resist the man, I head to my bedroom to do edits.
My initial walkthrough video and planning posts have been going well, but I’m ready to share the longer one of demo and gutting the space.
People will get a laugh out of my falling over when I ripped up the linoleum and hopefully cheer with me discovering beadboard panelling behind the wallpaper and crumbling drywall.
I’m trying to make the videos informative, so people feel like they can tackle their own projects.
Long-form videos are new to me, so I am learning as I go, and the edits take longer.
I thought it was hard to take a couple minutes and make it into thirty seconds, but that process has nothing on turning days of content into only thirty minutes while also fitting important points in throughout like a narrative to keep them watching.
This video has me promoting a clothing brand and their cargo pants, which are surprisingly soft and breathable workwear that I nestle in the middle of the video.
Youtube will add a ‘paid promotion’ tag, but I think people who watch renovations are used to it.
Really, the short little promotion has nothing on advertisements from a home show on television.
Or the random ones from the website if you don’t pay the fee.
At least my promotion is related to the topic of my content.
Adding copyright-free music and making sure subtitles and labels are correct for parts where you can’t hear me as well, I upload the full video and sit back against the pillows. Hayes has adequate internet, especially since he barely uses it, and I don’t have to wait long.
“You can do this,” I tell myself quietly. I find verbal affirmations help when I’m scared to do something new. “You’ve been building to this moment for weeks.”
Scheduling the video to go live in the morning and hitting submit, I make a post on my socials to announce the specific time and close my laptop. I make most of my content on my phone, but editing the long video requires a bigger screen. Now, it’s done, and my adrenaline is fading.
Maybe Hayes will want to celebrate this momentous occasion tomorrow? Though I think he still hasn’t downloaded any of the apps I post on. If he doesn’t mention it, I won’t bring the idea up. He’s busy, and helping me has cut into time for farm work.
Would he be up for taking me out in town? I can’t rush him coming out, but I’d love to see more of Foggy Basin with him.
If Hayes doesn’t want to go out in public with me, or even come out to family and friends, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t imagine staying here longer and seeing him all the time without being able to date Hayes for real.
And I do want to date him.
I want to hold Hayes’ hand in public and go places with him. Despite being a traveling content creator, I could see staying here longer. Maybe helping him renovate the main house, film new animals on the farm and see the seasons changing.
The question is if Hayes wants to date me.
Truthfully, I feel a pang of regret at the idea I made a whole Youtube channel and direction for my content based around a farmer who may not even like me for more than a good time.
My new direction will flatline if I leave the farm.
I can find someplace else, even go back to Hawaii and ask my cousins if I can film on their property, but I have a feeling he’s part of my new appeal.
Half of my comments are about how hot Hayes is and how lucky I am to have his help.
In my heart, as I drift to sleep lulled by crickets, I know I’m really sad at the idea that the sweet farmer I’ve grown so attached to doesn’t see us as permanent. I want to stay for more than my brand.