Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
“So did you have an orgasm?” Hannah asked.
Iris fitted the screw into the hole and power-drilled it into the particleboard, buzzing to a satisfying thud. “That you have to ask tells me you haven’t been listening.”
Iris was sitting on the floor of Hannah’s nursery in progress, surrounded by slabs of white IKEA particleboard and the crumpled assembly instructions for a changing table.
Hannah was overseeing from her new nursing chair, writing out shower thank-you notes and folding tiny clothes into tinier squares.
Hugo was stretched out on the flattened cardboard boxes, happy to be included.
The room was painted a soothing soft green, like the underside of a leaf, and Hannah had stenciled a border of flowers and butterflies along the top.
Despite the whimsical innocence of the setting, their conversation was anything but.
“He was really that good?”
Iris’s memory flashed to being with Gabe: her hands on his smooth, chiseled chest, the strength of his tattooed arms winding around her like a python, lifting her onto his lap, holding her as she draped over him. “I can’t even describe it, honestly. Words fail.”
“You can’t hold out on me. I am a horny preggo! At least tell me, was he a good kisser? I can see your chin is all pink from stubble burn.”
Iris held the drill to her chest. “Oh my God, the kissing. The kissing! That could’ve been the best part. I mean, it wasn’t, because the rest of it was insane, but with another guy, it would have been.”
Hannah squealed in delight. “People don’t make out enough anymore! Even if Mike is too weirded out to have sex with our fetus present, I’m gonna propose more make-out sessions. Tell me more!”
“It’s weird. It’s like I can’t remember the details, I was so in the moment. Normally the first time with a new guy, I’m totally in my head, observing myself, my body, grading his moves, imagining him judging my body, all that noise. Last night with Gabe, I was just…blackout.”
“Drunk?”
Iris laughed. “No, like, sensory overload. I wasn’t thinking about it, I was just feeling it. And it felt fucking amazing.”
“Wow.” Hannah patted the stack of onesies on her lap. “In other words, his dick is big.”
They both dissolved into giggles.
Iris dropped her shoulders. “I blew it at the end, though.”
“Really? I usually blow it in the beginning.”
Iris threw a Styrofoam peanut at her. “I don’t even want to tell you. The secondhand cringe could send you to early labor.”
“You’d be doing me a favor. What happened?”
“So this perfume can’t last forever—”
“It was not the perfume!”
“Hannah, I could not pull this guy on my own. Anyway, after a marathon night with him, multiple rounds, multiple orgasms, I’m sure I sweated it off. And I hadn’t intended to fall asleep at all…”
—
Iris recounted how the morning had played out, reliving her humiliation.
As soon as the sun’s first rays hit her face, Iris’s eyes shot open, pupils tightening in the light and panic that morning had come and she was naked—without the perfume.
Gabe lay similarly bare, but at peace; he was facedown, his breathing slow and steady, the sheets tangled beneath him, exposing his perfect buttocks like two scoops of caramel ice cream.
And as much as Iris wanted to take a bite, she knew she had to hightail it out of there.
She summoned all her mediocre Pilates skills to rise from the bed without bouncing the mattress and set to gathering her belongings strewn across Gabe’s studio apartment.
She hastily dressed—bra, sundress, the bangle bracelets she slipped silently into her purse, but she couldn’t find her underwear.
Leaving them behind was not an option; these were not date night panties.
She couldn’t leave proof that she laundered the underwear the dog chewed instead of throwing them away.
It was no wonder she couldn’t find them now, Iris had been so eager to get them out of sight she might have chucked them into space.
That jogged her memory—she had flung them with some height.
She redirected her search upward and spotted her granny panties hanging from the fin of a surfboard mounted on the wall— Called it on the surfing —but they were too high to reach.
She glanced at the kitchen counter for some sort of utensil.
She pulled a long chef’s knife from the block and used it to catch the elastic band of her undergarment and lift it off the fin.
“You were going to stab me without saying goodbye?” Gabe asked from just behind her.
—
“No!” Hannah cackled. “He catches you creeping around his apartment with a knife ? You absolute psycho.”
“It gets worse. So I tell him…”
—
“I’m sorry, I never do this, I’m bad at it.”
“Homicide?”
“Sex with someone I just met. Well, that’s not completely true, I used to never do this. Lately I’ve been on kind of a tear.”
“Thanks, I feel special.”
“You were the best, like, ever!”
Then he really laughed.
—
So did Hannah, doubled over now. “Stop, I can’t take any more. You did not say that!”
“I was trying to say something nice, and I accidentally told the truth.”
“You never need to feel bad about being mean to a hot man. They cut their feelings with their carbs, he probably ghosts hookups all the time.”
“I don’t know what came over me. It was like I couldn’t lie to someone so beautiful. Remember that poem in AP English? ‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty’?”
“Keats, ‘Ode to a Grecian Fuckboy.’?”
Iris laughed. “Actually, he’s Asian. And I don’t know if he’s a fuckboy. We made plans to see each other again. He was a very generous lover. And he’s creative! You should’ve seen this glass chandelier he made.”
“Ooh, defending him already? So you like this one.”
“Ugh, I think I really do.”
“Why do you say that like it’s bad?”
“It’s a bad time to start anything. I begin my egg freezing cycle next week.”
“So what, you can’t have sex? Why is everything related to baby making so ironically prudish?”
“I don’t know, I have to ask the doc what the rules are. But I meant more, how can I keep the egg freezing a secret from him?”
Hannah shrugged. “So tell him about it.”
“Oh right, guys love that after a first date. ‘Hey, nice to meet you, just FYI, my eggs are about to dry up and I’m desperate to have a kid someday, so I’m undergoing fertility treatment. Can we circle back?’?”
Hannah laughed. “We’ll workshop that text message. But seriously, you’re both adults.”
“It’s embarrassing, and it’s private!”
“Girl, he knows how you taste . Now you’re gonna get shy?”
Iris shielded herself with a children’s book. “Please, not in front of The Velveteen Rabbit . Anyway, it’s my business. He’s not entitled to my fertility stats.”
“That’s fair. Just as long as you know you have nothing to be ashamed of. I think you’re making a smart and empowered choice.”
Iris tilted her head. “But is it a hot choice?”
Hannah chuckled.
“The irony is, I’m doing this so I don’t have to rush having a baby, and yet talking about fertility makes you sound baby-crazed.”
“Maybe you’re right. You don’t have to tell him. Just do you.”
Iris stood up and tested the completed changing table, giving it a push with her hand. It held firm. “Yay! I think this is solid. I just have to slide in the lower shelves.”
Hannah cooed in gratitude. “Aw, that makes it really feel so real. Speaking of, I officially told the school I wasn’t coming back in the fall.”
“How do you feel?”
“Mixed emotions. You know I loved my job, even if it wasn’t the easiest these past couple years. But I’m excited for this new chapter, and obviously, I’m grateful, I know it’s a huge privilege to be able to stop working…”
“Bana, it’s just me.”
She smiled. “I’m freaked out. Even if I’m just swapping teaching other people’s kids for raising my own, it feels like a change in my identity. You know I always supported myself, no matter how shitty the apartment, you remember.”
“Oh, yes. The Bushwick studio? Those roaches owed you rent.”
“It started to change when I moved in with Mike, but I was still making money then. Now it’s like, fully different. Better, obviously, and compared to what Mike makes, my contribution was a drop in the bucket. It was more for my pride than anything.”
“Your pride is allowed to count.”
“I guess now I’ll take pride in being a mom. I just hope I’m a good one.”
“Hey.” Iris reached over to touch her knee. “You’re gonna be the best mom. This baby is the luckiest.”
“I found out the sex.”
“You did ? I thought you guys wanted to be surprised.”
“Mike wants to be surprised. I was dying to know. He couldn’t make our last appointment, and I caved.”
“So?”
“I can’t tell you. I feel bad enough I went behind his back, I’m so afraid I’ll let it slip around him, I have to keep my mouth shut from here on out. I didn’t even tell my mom.”
“I understand. But we never have secrets!”
“I know, I hate it, this will be the first and the last secret, pinky swear.” Hannah stuck out her smallest finger, and Iris reached up from the floor to link pinkies.
In another room, the front door opened and closed. Hugo lifted his head and sniffed the air.
“Mike’s home.” Hannah called to him that they were in the nursery.
A moment later her husband appeared in the doorway, looking ruddy-cheeked in sweaty athletic clothes.
He was tall, fit, and freckled, with bright blue eyes and strawberry blond hair the color of a BBQ potato chip.
“Wow, you two made progress!” he said as Hugo ambled to greet him, nails clicking on the hardwood.
“Iris did. She built the bookshelf and is almost done with the changing table—”
“But not the crib,” he interrupted.
“Not the crib, because you told me to leave that to you.” Hannah gave him a look.
“Yes, I’m going to build the crib. If not tomorrow, then next weekend.”
“You should want to—”
“I do want to!” He softened his tone and smiled. “That’s why I asked you to save it for me to do. I promise. I want to be a part of the nest making.”
“I told him that.” Not that Hannah needed to clarify; the tension in the air made clear this was not a new discussion. “Male birds help build and feather the nest for the baby just as much as the females.”
“What if I pay someone else to build it, does that count?”
“I’m thinking of you! Mothers get all this bonding time during pregnancy while the baby is inside us, and then it comes out, and there’s nursing and all these chemicals and hormones to bond. I don’t want you to feel left out.”
“I won’t. The first time I hold our baby, I’ll be all in, hundred percent. It’s instinctual.”
Hannah pointed a finger. “Iris was telling me about her hot new guy.”
“Nice. Bring him to my birthday party on Friday,” Mike offered.
“Thanks, but it’s very new. Like, less than twenty-four hours.”
Mike shrugged. “Good enough for me. I don’t know if this is a factor, but Ben will be bringing Madison.”
Madison. Hearing him say her name was like ice water on her scalp. Ben’s new girlfriend was established in their friend group. She wondered if Hannah and Mike had met her.
“Ew, no! Michael.” Hannah shot him a look like a power drill.
Mike put up his hands. “He just texted me asking. I didn’t know what to say! That’s why I’m giving her the heads-up. Should I tell him he can’t?”
“No,” Iris interjected. “It’s fine, don’t say anything to Ben.”
Hannah groaned. “Iris, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, really. We broke up six months ago. I knew he moved on.”
“And so have you,” Hannah pointed out.
“Bring your guy! Have a battle of the new SOs, or don’t. I think showing up unbothered is the flex.” He sniffed inside the collar of his T-shirt and scrunched his nose. “Woof. I’m gonna hop in the shower and then get dinner going.”
“He means order takeout,” Hannah said.
Mike had just left when Iris remembered Rapacine. She excused herself and caught up with him in the hallway outside their bedroom.
“I hate to ask you for another legal favor, but I have another friend in need…” she filled him in on Madame Rapacine’s landlord problem.
“I don’t even think she wants to litigate, but she could use some legal advice.
That said, I know you’re busy with the baby and all, so please, please feel free to say no. ”
“I don’t want to say no!” He pulled his shirt off over his head, and Iris caught a rank whiff.
“I felt bad we couldn’t help with the NYCHA thing because of the conflict of interest. But a landlord from hell?
That’s no problem. Give her my number, and my summer associate Tony will look into her case. ”
She thanked him and left him to get his shower.