Chapter 21
Amelia
The winter temperatures dropped drastically overnight.
Amelia was glad that her heated windshield had meant she hadn’t spent too long scraping ice off the front of her car.
She made use of the staff parking permit at the hospital, left her car there, and walked over to Roath Park.
It wasn’t cold enough for the lake to have frozen over, but each blade of grass had an icy coat, frozen in time.
Amelia leant against the railing, appreciating the beauty of the lake.
In the spring, hundreds of birds came here, including geese and ducks, with goslings and ducklings trailing behind them.
But now, the lake was quiet, save for the odd robin high in the tree branches, singing its lonely song, its red breast stark against the bare trees.
Someone approached the railing and leant on it too, mirroring Amelia’s posture.
“Hey,” Keira said shyly, looking sideways at Amelia.
“Hey.”
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Keira smiled wistfully out at their view.
“Cardiff is a beautiful city,” Amelia agreed, before pushing off the railing and beginning to walk. Keira dropped into step beside her.
“So, how was Christmas on the ward?” Keira asked, hands buried deep in her pockets.
“Oh, you know, the usual. We had a Father Christmas come around and drop presents off to the kids, which cheered them all up, even the older ones. Something about that red suit always brings a little bit of magic.”
“Definitely.”
“How about you?”
“We went to my uncle’s, and it was absolute chaos. Loud, wonderful chaos.” Keira chuckled. “My entire extended family was there. I have no idea how we all fit in the house.”
“That sounds lovely,” Amelia said wistfully.
She thought back to her own ‘family’ Christmases.
Their barely decorated house, the four of them around the table, and her parents discussing business while Amelia made faces across the table at her sister, inevitably getting them both in trouble.
Her sister would stay up with her late into the night, trying to catch Santa in the act.
Then she would make sure Amelia got safely back into her own bed once she fell asleep.
Amelia always woke up with a stocking at the end of her bed with a handful of presents and would rush into her sister’s room in the morning, clutching her treasures.
Amelia couldn’t remember when they stopped celebrating together.
Her sister never really came home once she left for university, and her parents stopped inviting her.
Her Christmases became colder; her parents continued discussing business at the table, but there was no one for Amelia to make faces at.
She sighed. The longing for her sister was always stronger at this time of year.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Keira gently nudged her.
“Oh, I was just thinking about my sister.”
“Still haven’t heard from her?”
“No.” She sighed again.
“Hey, it’s Christmas…maybe you could use that to reach out? Help break the ice?”
“I don’t know.” Tightness started to build in her chest. She wasn’t sure she could handle another rejection right now.
“C’mon, you can’t let your parents keep driving this wedge further between you. You can take control of your relationship with your sister.” Keira was right, but the idea of reaching out terrified her. "If you miss her even a tenth as much as I miss Sonia, you need to reach out."
Amelia sighed. She knew Keira was right. But somehow, it felt safer not knowing if her sister would be open to reconnecting. It would remain Schrodinger's relationship, potentially both dead and alive at the same time.
“Is this her?” Keira turned her phone to show Amelia what was unmistakably her sister’s social media page.
She looked older, obviously, but she seemed happy.
In her profile picture, she was being embraced by a man.
It could be a boyfriend, or even a husband.
Their rift ran so deep, her sister might have got married without her knowing. That thought stung.
“Yeah, that’s her,” she said and looked away.
“So, message her,” Keira implored. “If the last few months have taught me anything, it’s that life is too short not to tell people how much you care about them...”
Keira trailed off. Amelia wondered if they were still talking about her sister.
“I get that. I see that every day,” Amelia said softly.
“So, what are you waiting for?” Keira challenged.
Amelia withdrew her own phone from her pocket and quickly found her sister’s page. She opened the message section, and her fingers hovered over the keyboard.
“What do I say?”
“How about ‘Merry Christmas?’” Keira suggested.
Amelia’s brow furrowed in concentration, anxiety rising in her throat.
Here goes nothing.
Hey, Clara. I just wanted to say merry Christmas.
She hesitated, then added more.
I really miss you.
Before she could second guess it, she pressed send, sending her vulnerability into the ether, and hoping it didn’t come back to bite her in the ass.
“Sent.”
“Proud of you,” Keira said. Amelia sensed Keira’s arm twitch by her side, but the motion didn’t materialize into a hug.
Amelia’s insides twisted with another pang of sadness.
She could have really done with that hug.
She reminded herself it was her own fault.
Keira may have officially ended whatever it was they had, but Amelia was the one who had thrown it away out of fear.
She wasn’t sure she’d be able to forgive herself for that.
She had been so sure putting the team first was the right call, but now…
They walked in silence for a while, occasionally passing others also out for a stroll. Every twig of the trees they walked under had little frost coats. The four islands in the middle of the lake were wrapped in silt tendrils stretching out into the water, reaching out towards their neighbours.
“I’m really sorry,” Amelia said. She took a deep breath to help her keep her composure. “About the way I handled things. You didn’t deserve that.” She dared to glance at Keira, whose head hung low.
“It wasn’t just you. I wasn’t exactly at my best.” Keira sighed. “It’s just with everything with my dad — not that that’s an excuse — it all got a bit much. I’m sorry, too.”
She wanted to reach out to Keira. Wanted to take her hand and never let go. But Keira’s hands remained in her pockets.
“How is your dad?” Amelia asked gently.
“He’s doing okay, actually. The GP appointment we were worried about was just that his iron was low, can you believe that? I don’t know why they couldn’t just tell us that over the phone.”
“They’re not allowed to,” Amelia stated. Keira looked at her, confused. “Non medically trained staff, such as receptionists, aren’t allowed to give out anything that could be considered medical information. Including saying it was anaemia.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Not ideal for you, obviously, but it wouldn’t be appropriate for them to tell you.”
“Yeah, I get that. It seems obvious now you say it.”
“I’m glad he’s doing okay,” Amelia added, pleased when Keira smiled.
They walked along the long side of the lake, talking about everything and nothing.
By the time they got to the promenade, between the end of the lake and a small children’s play area, Amelia’s jaw hurt from talking.
They passed benches and decorative planters, all overshadowed by a tall, white lighthouse, with a Roman numeral clock on each face.
Amelia wished she had a lighthouse to guide her, or warn her when she was about to get herself into trouble.
“It’s so chilly today.” Keira pulled her coat tighter around herself.
“We could stop for a coffee. Warm up a bit?” Amelia suggested. Keira’s lips had gone very white; the poor woman did look a little frozen.
Keira
The bell above the coffee shop door chimed as the two of them entered.
The bitter cold of the outside world was replaced by a wave of warmth.
Both immediately removed hats and gloves, and unzipped their coats.
The cosy family-owned coffee shop had large, soft-looking armchairs, more like something from a personal library than a coffee shop in the centre of Cardiff.
They got into line behind someone ordering a takeaway coffee, and Keira eyed up the menu board.
After their walk, coffee alone wouldn’t be enough.
“Hi, how can I help you?” the barista behind the counter asked.
“What’re you having?” Amelia turned towards Keira.
“Oh, um, a caramel latte, please.”
“A caramel latte and a luxury mocha, please.” Amelia got her purse out of her coat pocket.
“Hey, I can’t let you pay again.” Keira tried to intervene.
“It’s just coffee.” Amelia shrugged.
“It’s like, the third time in a row you’ve paid for something.” She couldn’t break the habit of tracking every penny, including every penny other people spent on her. She didn’t want to be Amelia’s charity case.
Amelia shrugged. Keira looked at her sternly.
“Look, buying you coffee is least I can do. So let me, please?” Amelia asked.
“Fine,” Keira acquiesced with a sigh. “But I’m buying the cake.”
Amelia took their drinks to the small table by the fire, while Keira carried two slices of warm apple pie, so large the corners of the crusts were overhanging the plate. There was also a generous serving of whipped cream next to each piece, looking like a little white Christmas tree.
Patrons occupied a few of the other seats, including an older couple at a faraway table. The man cut his slice of cake in half and handed his spoon to the woman. They ended up laughing when they got chocolate in the corners of their grins.
“Warming up yet?” Amelia asked, blowing on her mocha before taking a tentative sip.