Chapter 21 #3
Unhooking her shoulders from her ears, Amelia picked up her drink, drinking half of it in one go.
“Hey, slow down. You don’t want to rock up to your sister’s buzzing off caffeine. Let me get you something savoury to mop up some of that sugar, hey?” Keira chuckled, getting to her feet. “Ham and cheese toastie okay?”
For a split second, as their eyes met, Keira’s resolve almost crumbled. She wondered exactly how much they were leaving unspoken. She'd wanted to show Amelia what she was giving up by losing Keira, but wasn't she giving it up, too? Wasn't she playing it just as safe?
Just friends. Just friends.
“Yeah, that would be great, thanks,” Amelia said.
Keira approached the counter, grateful for the Christmas money from her aunts and uncles that she’d hastily stuffed in her wallet before leaving the house that morning.
She tried to keep her gaze on the menu, but she could have sworn she sensed Amelia’s gaze on her.
She could turn around, take two strides across the room, and tell Amelia ending things had been a mistake.
She shook herself. The day she reunited with her sister was definitely not the right time.
She wasn’t even sure it was a good idea.
Keira was glad Amelia hadn’t offered her a lift as she began the long walk back to her house, because she needed time to process whatever had just happened.
Amelia had looked at her in a way that wasn’t just friendly.
Sonia certainly didn’t look at her like that.
If Keira were honest with herself, her feelings towards Amelia hadn’t magically gone away.
She pulled her woolly hat down over her ears and folded her arms across her chest to protect herself from the cold.
Her old trainers, which she’d worn as her new ones weren't broken in yet, were terrible at keeping out water, so she danced around any puddles she came across. The sky above was a beautiful azure blue, and the light had the kind of crispness only present in these early days of winter. Her breath hung in clouds in front of her before being blown away by the breeze. The buildings she passed grew more familiar as she got closer to home. Her footsteps were heavy on the pavement, weighed down by her thoughts. Keira’s gloved hand drifted to her clavicle, tracing the chain of the necklace that hung under her coat.
The walk home and Amelia’s drive to Bristol made her feel like they were getting pulled further and further apart, away from whatever spark of a thing might still exist between them.
But the way the necklace delicately rested on her skin, the same way Amelia had gently laid her head on Keira’s chest, made it seem like, somehow, they were closer than they’d ever been.
By the time Keira got through the front door, her toes were numb. She quickly took off her coat and shoes and padded into the living room.
“I’m just making a cuppa, love. Want one?” Her dad said from the kitchen. He’d had more energy since the holidays, as if seeing all his family had given him an extra lift.
“Tea, please.” Normally, she drank coffee, but when she was cold, only tea would do.
A few minutes later, her father shuffled in with two teas and handed Keira one. Despite her gloves, her hands were still red from the cold. Her father’s eyes flicked over her.
“That’s new?” her father half asked, half stated.
It took her a moment to realise what he was commenting on. She ran her fingers over the smooth metal surface. “Yeah, it was a Christmas present from Amelia.” She smiled.
“It’s very pretty.” Her father picked up his book, a knowing smirk on his face.
“We’re just friends, Dad,” Keira admonished, but even to her ears it sounded half-hearted.
“So you keep insisting.” His tone implied he did not believe her in the slightest. Keira didn't blame him — she didn't believe herself either.
A quiet alert sounded on Keira’s phone, and she checked it.
“I forgot about gaming with Sonia!” She grabbed her tea and headed towards her room.
Before she crossed the threshold, she heard her dad mutter, “A friend isn’t usually that distracting…”
Keira got to her room, put her tea down on her bedside table, and climbed under the covers fully clothed, to stay as warm as possible. She booted up her game console just as Sonia video called.
“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me,” Sonia said, her eyes looking at a different screen.
“I did, kind of. Sorry,” Keira admitted, loading up the multiplayer game.
“Oh?” Sonia turned to look at Keira.
“I went for a walk and a coffee with Amelia.” She didn’t dare to look at her phone. It was frivolous, though, as Sonia could see right through her, regardless.
“Your ‘just friends’ Amelia, that you slept with? Who you still haven’t stopped talking about every time we chat, even though 'it's over' and you’re ‘just friends’?”
“What? I talk about you all the time, and we are definitely just friends,” Keira said, hitting the buttons on her controller as the pair navigated a challenging dungeon.
“In every single conversation? With that lovesick puppy voice?”
“Hey!” The accusation distracted her, barely giving her time to avoid an attack from a zombie.
“Tsk,” Sonia clucked her tongue. “You can keep lying to yourself, but I know you, Morgan.”
They lapsed into silence, other than loud encouragement and swearing, as they took on the first mini-boss. They got through the battle relatively unscathed, and took a second to heal their characters and make adjustments to their armour and weapons before heading to the next level.
“Do you love her?” Sonia asked suddenly.
Keira’s character took a nasty blow from an attack she wasn’t able to avoid.
“What kind of question is that!” Keira asked, trying to fight off the zombie without taking any more damage.
“The kind that people ask their best friend when their best friend is being a doofus,” Sonia replied.
She seemed to be having no trouble focusing at all, dispatching the creatures attacking her, and then coming over to help Keira.
The two of them quickly finished off the zombie.
Sonia paused the game, picked up her phone to look directly into the camera.
Keira sighed and resigned herself to the conversation.
"Doofus? Really?"
"Don't avoid the question."
Keira huffed.
“I think…I think I could love her, if she’d let me,” Keira admitted quietly.
“But she’s made it very clear that’s not an option, so…
” She shrugged, trying to downplay the sharp pain in her chest as the reality of what had happened washed over her.
Amelia wasn’t just some fling. It was never just a passing crush.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Sonia asked.
“There's nothing I can do about it.” Keira put down her phone and picked up the controller again. Sonia’s face was closely framed in the phone; she was not giving up. “Look, all I can do is be there for her, as a friend, without expectation.”
“And?”
“And…if she ever stops worrying about what other people would think, then…” She shrugged.
Sonia stared at her a little longer, but Keira refused to meet her gaze.
She was done talking about it. Talking about it hadn’t got her anywhere good.
Thinking about Amelia being off-limits would never not hurt.
“Okay,” Sonia said before unpausing their game.
The pair quickly slayed several more waves of zombies, before coming up against the big boss fight, for the eighth time of trying.
This time, however, they got their timing just right, and a few minutes later they defeated the boss.
Their characters celebrated victory on the screen.