Adriana #6
“That’s because it’s not. Spirulina, creatine, protein powder, almond milk.
Do you think this body comes out of a coffee pot?
And I only occasionally wear slutty little glasses this close to the turn, because I have a mild astigmatism that was not helped by being punched in the head.
It’s getting worse as I get older. And my knees are going.
I’m probably going to be feeble by the time I’m fifty, just so you’re aware. ”
Adriana laughed, relief flooding her almost as thoroughly as the suppressant had. He hadn’t left, despite her panic. Trapp engulfed her in his arms, lifting and twisting, turning them until he was reclined on the couch and she was tucked against him, wrapped in his arms. Safe and secure.
“My girlfriend was a human. We were together not quite four years. I didn’t realize until after she was gone, but we never actually made it to that anniversary.
Yes, it was right before you started at the clinic.
No, I’m not monkey-hanging you, or whatever it’s called.
This isn’t a rebound fling for me. I can tell you more about our breakup, but just to warn you in advance, it’s going to make me sound like a piece of shit. ”
Adriana lifted her head. “You don’t have to, if it makes you uncomfortable.” When he sighed beneath her, she moved with him.
“Yes, I do. Because if you’re going to panic over things you don’t know, then—”
“I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t apologize, Adriana,” he cut her off, his voice a little harder.
“You don’t have to apologize for assuming I’m going to do something to hurt you.
It’s not like I’ve never shown you what I’m capable of.
” He blew out a hard breath, his hand pushing into her hair.
Her eyes fluttered shut at the weight of it, wanting to sink into him fully.
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m keeping things from you intentionally.
When she dumped me, and that’s what happened, I didn’t really care.
Four years together, and I was more concerned with the optics of her leaving than with her leaving at all.
That’s terrible. She left because she wanted more, and now I don’t blame her.
The relationship was a very comfortable routine that I wasn’t invested in changing. ”
“If she wanted more, then why didn’t she tell you that?” she argued against the front of his sweatshirt. His hand slid beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking up her back, the weight of his long fingers and warm palm anchoring her. “Why didn’t she fight to change things?”
Trapp shrugged, bobbing her again. “She wasn’t a fighter, I guess? She shouldn’t have had to.”
“Well, fuck that. I guess it’s my turn to break bad news, because I will fight with you seven days a week.”
His shoulders shook as he laughed, his chest vibrating beneath her, threatening to dislodge her. “I am also a fighter. Just so you know, I will pick fights for no reason at all.”
“If I have a bad day at the clinic, you will absolutely get a piece of it,” she agreed. “I guess it’s good if we know that going in, right?”
“What else?” He murmured into her hair, snuffling against her the way his wolf would.
“What else do you want to know? I don’t know my body count.
It’s high. I was a slut after my divorce.
I guess slut is my natural state if I’m not involved with someone.
But I’m always safe,” he added hurriedly.
“I have to get a physical every six months for work, and STI screening is part of it. Just in case you were worried.”
She nodded, nuzzling against his chest, the weight of his arm over her feeling like a mooring line. “You’re a wolf. It’s what I expect, but I’m glad you get tested. And I was serious — if you ever cheat on me, you’re going away forever.”
“What else? Unless you actually think I have a dirty ass, I feel like there was more to all that earlier. And just so you know, none of Sandi’s sons have dirty asses. I’m going to pretend I’m not offended.”
She wondered if he was able to feel her heart rate kick up again. No, but he can probably hear it. Wolf, remember? “Are we doing this too fast?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I-I don’t want to mess this up by moving too quickly. And I don’t know if we are.”
He was quiet, stroking her back, nodding after a moment. “Maybe we are. We can pull back. If you want me to—”
“I don’t,” she said quickly. “That’s the problem. I don’t want you to pull back. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.”
“I get it,” he murmured, a hum against her. “It’s just . . . I already know you. It’s hard to take things slow when I know you. Same temper. Same stubbornness. Same brilliance. But I’ll do whatever you want.”
“You’re not the same, Trapp.” Her voice was soft, but pointed. “You’re not the same person you were in school. You are, but you’ve had a whole life since then that wasn’t on our roadmap. I have too, but it’s what I’d always planned for. Yours isn’t. Even your mom said you’re not the same.”
Trapp laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “My family is like the rest of the town. They assume the majority of my job involves setting up an obstacle course for the preschool bike rodeo.”
Adriana was quiet, giving him space to think, pushing a hand beneath the hem of his sweatshirt, scraping her nails against his stomach.
“When I came back here, everyone expected me to be coming home as Dr. Hemming.” His voice was strained.
“The fact that I wasn’t was a scandal. And obviously I don’t mean that like a headline news scandal; I’m not that conceited.
But there’s nothing this town loves gossiping about more than my family.
So one of the Hemming boys falling short of expectations did not go unnoticed.
I got the EMT job because I felt like I still needed to be doing something with my degree.
At least something medical. And I genuinely do want to help people. ”
She tipped her head up, watching his face from her limited advantage. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were stormy.
“And then it became something else entirely. That uniform is like armor. I wasn’t Trapp the dropout. I was Trapp the hero. And it wasn’t a uniform I ever needed to take off.”
“Every uniform needs to be washed once in a while.”
He laughed, and she was relieved that it sounded like him. “Is this you telling me I have a dirty ass again?”
“I don’t think I should be held responsible for anything I say while I am suffering from a heat that you caused.”
“Whatever. I’m going to call you next time I’m in the shower so you can watch.
Anyway, you completely dismantled everything when you arrived, congratulations.
All of a sudden, people remembered that I was Trapp the Dropout.
Not actually that heroic. But I don’t think I care anymore.
My brother was right. I can’t tiptoe around this place forever. ”
“Who are you going to be now?” She asked the question lightly, meaning to be cheeky, but he winced as if the contemplation caused him pain.
“I still don’t know.”
Adriana closed her eyes and focused on the solid, steady thump of his heart. He was a good man. A good wolf. A good man with the ability to be horrible, but a good wolf just the same, and she hadn’t known many of those in her lifetime. It was a shame he didn’t see that.
“Maybe you can just be . . . Trapp?” She shrugged. “Okay, not to change the subject, but can I make a suggestion without you getting upset? Since we’re disclosing painful truths to each other.”
His head lifted, eyebrows coming together. “I’m not going to get upset with you. Whatever it is.”
“Maybe going to the cabin is a mistake,” she blurted, voicing what she’d been thinking for the past several weeks. “Maybe I should stay here, in my yard. You should do what you normally do. And I’ll stay in my yard, where it’s safe.”
Trapp sighed beneath her, squeezing the hand that was in her hair. “I don’t understand what you think is going to happen out there.”
“You . . . you don’t understand, Trapp. There’s no guarantee your wolf will know me. I’m small. I’m a liability out there. If your wolf sees me as a threat, or worse, as prey — you might kill me before you even realize who I am. You should just do what you do, and I’ll do what I do.”
He had gone very still beneath her. Adriana wasn’t sure if he was still breathing until his nails scraped over her scalp, once it was clear she was finished talking.
“I would never hurt you.” His voice was a low rumble of thunder against her, pulling her tighter against his chest; his heavy arms settled securely around her.
The warmth of him was like an inferno, and she gladly tucked against it. “And neither would my wolf.”
Adriana sighed against him. “Trapp—”
“And I don’t know if that’s necessarily true.
” His words were slow, and when she craned her neck up, his brow was furrowed.
“That-that my wolf won’t know you. I think .
. . I think I might have gone to you last turn?
I don’t know, I’ve never been good at parallel consciousness.
But I woke up with those annoying little pods from your tree out front all around me, like they had been stuck in my fur. ”
She stiffened at the connection. In the weeks since, she had convinced herself she was being foolish, letting wishful thinking take root in her consciousness and supplant reality.
Surely, the depression in the grass was what she herself had done, shifting throughout the night as she hunkered down, trying to stay out of the biting rain. Hearing him say it, though . . .
“I think you’re right.” Her voice was barely a whisper, eyes closed, thinking back to that day, when she’d woken beneath the table and found the huge depression in the grass all around her, and how safe she’d felt. “You protected me from the rain.”