Chapter 17
DIEGO
“I get it. The need to control everything. To have your hands on the reins of your future without relying on others. Others that could hurt or sabotage your plans.”
She doesn’t move much, but I catch her shoulders shifting slightly. Encouragement, maybe. Or maybe I’m imagining it.
“Something you can cling to when the rest of your world is going to shit, and you can’t trust anyone.
That’s how I felt after my crash, Iz. Not just blaming myself for screwing up, but also blaming the whole damn universe for yanking everything away.
MotoGP, sponsors, the whole dream. Gone in the blink of an eye. ”
Sitting on the lowered gate of my truck on the old ridge overlooking the abandoned racetrack, the moonlight casts an eerie glow over the place.
Cracked patches of asphalt, weeds punching through, lines faded to nothing.
It’s a graveyard for speed. The silence isn’t quite silent.
There’s the rustle of the wind, the occasional chirp of some night bird, and the hum of distant traffic.
But it’s quiet enough for the ghosts to escape and haunt me.
The tailgate creaks under me.
I glance over at her. She’s perched there, her knees pulled up, her arms wrapped around them, staring at my former glory. She’s not saying anything, but I can tell she’s listening, like she’s giving me the space to speak if I want to.
“Back then, racing was everything to me. I was living it and breathing it. The whole world was at my feet. I was there, Iz. The big leagues. I thought I was untouchable.”
I clutch the edge of the truck bed, the cool metal grounding me.
“And then . . . one mistake. One bad move. Pushing too hard into a turn, clipping another rider. Next thing I know, I’m airborne.
The sound of the crash, the sky flipping overhead.
I don’t remember much after that. I woke up in the hospital with my back shattered.
I knew I was fucked. All of it was ripped away in a split second. ”
There’s no point sugarcoating it. It’s a life that went on without me. Left me behind to figure shit out.
“The doctors said I was lucky to be walking. Surgery, rehab, a shit ton of screws in my back to stabilize my spine. They told me I’d never race again. Just like that, it was gone. The life I’d built, the one I’d planned for, just fucking over.”
She inches closer, and I slide my arm around her shoulders, drawing her flush against my side. Her touch is fast becoming as natural as breathing, and I’m liking it more and more. She crosses one leg over the other, letting her booted calf rest lightly over my thigh. It’s casual and intimate.
She doesn’t say anything, but the way she’s looking at me, it’s like she’s right in that moment with me. It makes the words come easier.
“My family wanted me to come back to Hawaii to recover.”
I shake my head and clear my throat as the sudden emotion wells up from all the fights and arguments, making me want to avoid going back.
It was a dark time for me and them. Lonely nights spent in the hospital, wondering if I was going to be able to take care of myself at all or if I’d need a caregiver.
“They thought it’d be better for me. Familiar places, familiar faces. But I couldn’t do it. It felt like going backward, like giving up.”
The memories of those fights and conversations stir something hot and sharp in my chest.
“They didn’t get it. They just saw me as this broken kid who needed to be taken care of. They wanted me to recover out there, work in the family business, settle down, and have kids. But that’s not who I am. That’s never been who I am.”
She shifts beside me, uncrossing her legs and resting a hand on my leg. Her body language softens, her defenses lowering.
It’s subtle, but I notice.
“So, I stayed here,” I say, gesturing vaguely toward the horizon. “Rehabbed like hell. Went to therapy. Figured out how to live with this…”
I tap the small of my back.
The memory of the screws is a constant reminder, especially having to ice it after those weird angles fucking her.
“This new version of me. It wasn’t easy, and it sure as hell wasn’t pretty. But I did it. Because going back? To Hawaii? To what my family wanted? That wasn’t an option.”
I fall silent for a moment.
The track stretches out like a graveyard of my past, and I can’t help but feel a pang of something, not just regret, but . . . loss.
“I don’t have words . . .”
Heartbreak wraps around her words.
I hug her tighter to my side. She sympathizes and understands that I’m not a hundred percent, physically, as guys my age should be. Yet she’s comforting me and not looking at me like I’m a reject, as other girls have when they learn about my injury and back.
“You don’t have to, Iz. My point is about control.
It’s a lifeline. When everything’s spiraling, it’s the only thing you can hold onto.
But it’s also exhausting. Trying to hold it all together all the time.
I had complete control until I didn’t. It left me reeling.
It took me a long time to figure that out. ”
“So what does control look like for you now?”
I glance at her, seeing she’s already looking at me. Her lower lip tucks into her teeth, nibbling on it with a look of worry.
“Not what it used to be. Not by a long shot. I’ve learned to let go of most things.
They just aren’t as important as we think they are.
I stopped trying to plan every second of my life.
I ride when I need to feel free or when I need a release.
All the same emotions I felt when racing, but I’ve had to change out the activities that elicit them. ”
“What are those?”
I cup her chin, my thumb stroking her silky skin.
“Sex with a hot professor or killing her at go-kart racing.”
She rolls her eyes and pushes me away.
“I’m serious.”
“I am, too. It’s why I want this. You can’t see it, but we are similar, just a decade apart.”
She frowns, the first time I’ve brought up our age difference.
“To answer your question, I let myself be. . . . unfinished. Messy. Frustrated. Anxious. Basically human. I won’t go as far as to say surrender to the universe or crap like that, but something along those lines.”
“Yeah, I could never surrender.”
She doesn’t have to tell me that. I know damn well she’d be the last to surrender anything that wasn’t part of her plan.
“Unfinished is better.”
Her words hit harder than I expected, simple but full of meaning. I haven’t mentioned winning the competition and her having to let down her walls. Except she’s doing just that. Letting me behind the wall and relishing in the space where only we occupy it. Something fragile and real.
Without a word, she lies back on the sprayed truck bed that’s never been used. Her hair fans out like silk against the polyurethane, gazing at the stars with an open expression that almost hurts to look at.
I follow her lead, stretching out beside her, the cool liner chilling through my sweater. The stars above are bright against the dark, cloudless sky. I glance at her profile, more starstruck by her than the ones above us.
“You’re so beautiful.”
My fingertip traces her lip line, fascinated at how perfectly symmetrical they are.
She turns her head toward me, my fingers slipping to splay against her neck.
She’s looking intently into my eyes, digging for something long enough that my body heats with desire.
Wanting her here and now. If she’ll let me, to chase away the rattling racetrack ghosts with cries of her pleasure.
Squashing the old life while making love to the new one. The one where she’s mine, finally and completely, with no other games, wagers, or bets standing in our way.
Her hand travels up my sweater, rubbing gently on my chest, causing my muscles to flinch until it curls around my neck, pulling me towards her.
I easily fall forward, my arm bracing myself to plant a soft kiss on her lips.
She releases a small breath, tilting her head and pushing her tongue into my mouth.
I groan. She is instigating, and my cock is springing to life.
Our tongues dance together, tasting the depths of one another as she wraps her arms around me, pulling me closer. I move over her, pressing my pelvis and hard cock into her soft stomach, waiting for her to decide how far this goes.
She arches into me, her hips grinding against my body, looking for friction like she did against my bike’s seat. I continue exploring her mouth, absorbing her sounds to fuel me on until she pushes against my chest and ends the kiss.
“I need you, Diego.”
I reward her with a happy smile and a little peck, but I need to set the record straight for my sake and hers.
“If we do this, Iz, then no going back. We can’t keep ping-ponging back and forth.”
My lips brush hers, convincing her to commit to staying here with me, vulnerable, open, and accepting.
And not just for sex. I won’t make that mistake again.
I need clarity from her. I’m not just a hot body for her to use to get a little satisfaction and then go back to our world, frustrated and avoiding one another.
“Tell me we stay like this. Tell me you want me as much as I want you,” I mutter against her ear while her grinding slows to a halt.
Disappointment fills my gut when she turns her head away from my roaming lips. I lean back, capturing her chin and turning it to meet her gaze.
“Tell me, Iz.”
If this ends here, then I’m better off. I tell myself, not believing the damn truth of it. I hope I've convinced her of that because she gets me, and I get her.
“I can’t. We can’t . . . won’t be like a normal couple because of school and—”
“I know. I’m not asking to hold hands in class, but I’m not willing to accept being used for sex. Ironic, I know, as many college guys would, but I want more. I want this, and if it has to be private or out of town, then so be it. We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.” Her voice cracks with raw emotion, her stunning eyes so close I can lose myself in them. “Here’s to giving up control and figuring it out.”
I’d chuckle if I weren’t so horny.
So ready to see her fully naked beneath the stars, riding my cock. With a newfound determination and a surge of lust coursing through my body, I seal our pact with a soft kiss until her hands reach for my belt between us. I nip her lip with my teeth and rise up to straddle her.
Confusion wrinkles her face.
“Not a chance we’re doing it clothed.”
I get to my feet, grab the back of my sweater, and tug it over my head to toss it onto the bed. Her mouth forms a soft “oh,” and her eyes glitter as she watches me undress.
I’ve kept myself in top shape. Partly out of necessity to maintain proper alignment and take the strain off my spine, but also out of sheer vanity.
Her appreciative gaze encourages me to continue, even with the cold air biting my skin.
No worries, she’ll soon warm me up. She follows my lead, sitting up to rid herself of her blazer and then her thick sweater to reveal a black bra with perfect mounds almost spilling out of the top of the delicate fabric.
“Kokami.”
I gaze up at the stars, whispering my gratitude to whoever in the universe made this happen. When she kicked me out, I thought that was it, done for.
Never could I have imagined her squirming between my booted feet, shimming out of her pants and boots, to lie almost naked in my truck bed, wearing only her black lingerie. I could bust a nut just looking at her.
“There’s that word again.”
She pokes me with a naked toe, her feet as delicate and dainty as her face, sending a jolt to my carbon hard cock.
“You’re going to hear it a lot. You have no idea what you do to me.”
I dump my wallet and pack of condoms on top of my sweater, intending to use the whole roll if my back and cock will let me. She shivers against the cold, my ogling part of the delay.
I carefully step around her, unfastening my belt and working off my pants before digging in my new tool kit to find a couple of clean sleeping bags I store in there. While she works to spread them out, under my watchful eye and seeing her muscles ripple across her back, I quickly undress.
Standing over her, I’d love to have her look up at me while sucking my hard cock. But now is not the time. I need to be inside her as soon as possible. She can suck me, and I can lick her in later rounds. This is just the first round, and I need inside her immediately, or I think I’ll die.
She moves to kneel before me, her hands reaching with intent, and I shake my head.
“Not a chance. I’m going to fuck you senseless first. Wednesday was great, but nowhere near what I want to do to you.”
A naughty smirk flashes with a raised eyebrow before my eyes, and my heart swoons. She licks her lips, her eyes glued to my larger-than-expected cock glistening in the moonlight.
“Do your worst, Teach.”