Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
“S orry about that, young man. Deidre’s just eager for her breakfast.” The lady rattled a tin bucket in her hand and the goat bleated excitedly.
“Who are you?” I asked, wiping the tears from my eyes and finally helping a disgruntled Teddy to his feet.
“I’m Agnes Timms. Who are you?”
“Hannah Havens,” I replied. Facing her, a flush of fresh social awkwardness setting off warning sirens in my head, aware that she was probably a client at the veterinary practice.
Try not to be prickly, Hannah. Try to be nice.
I looked at Teddy for inspiration, but he was still sulkily cleaning goat excrement off his backside. So I tried a smile on for size and added rather lamely, “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too. Are you the new owners of The Rectory? Lovely to have a young couple living in it after all these years.”
I started to stutter a reply about how we were most definitely not a couple, when Teddy broke out his most devastating grin, his previous terror now masked beneath a suave veneer, and he addressed Agnes directly. “I’m Ted Fraser. Are you one of our neighbours, Mrs Timms?”
Agnes nodded, and momentarily seemed at a loss for words, the sheer force of Teddy’s charisma washing over her like the healing vibrations of a gong bath. Agnes stared dreamily up at him, while Deidre gently headbutted her leg, clattering the pail of goat food in her hands.
Teddy continued to smile back at her, then gently wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side. Upon which my mind exploded in a volcanic reaction to this tender contact between us, while my body simultaneously went into some sort of shock, melting against him like I was made of molasses. His voice rumbled through me when he spoke again.
“What a lovely goat you have, but may I ask why she’s in my shed?”
“Oh, yes, sorry. My barn roof blew off in the winter storms and Deidre needed a sheltered spot for a few weeks, so I popped her in here, just until the place sold. I didn’t know you’d moved in already.” Agnes gave a rather flirty laugh, and looked back at Teddy from under her headscarf. “And please, call me Agnes.”
“Ah, I see. Well, Agnes, it was a bit of a shock to discover her in here this morning, I must say. But no harm done.” Teddy squeezed my shoulder and looked down at me almost lovingly. “Hannah’s a vet and was just about to give her a check over.”
Agnes smiled encouragingly and said, “Are you working with Giles?”
I nodded.
“How convenient.”
“Yes.”
Silence and awkward staring ensued.
“Your goat is blind,” I said, desperately trying to think of something to say.
“I know.”
“And ran through the gate, so it’ll need to be fixed.”
“Ok.” Agnes gave me a slightly puzzled look.
“We should check she’s not hurt.”
“We should.”
“She’s quite elderly. Is she in good health?”
“I believe so,” Agnes countered quietly.
“Has she been checked by?—”
Teddy cut me off, using his arm around my shoulder to turn me slightly to face him. The action drew me even closer, causing my hip bone to bump against him and my breasts to be mashed against his torso. My brain was sending urgent messages to all extremities to execute an action plan to extricate myself from this grip, but my body would not comply. Instead, heat started to course through me because his lips brushed my hair and he whispered, “Be nice,” before kissing me gently on the temple.
All hope was lost. With that smooth manoeuvre, my body was now stubbornly Velcroed to his. My brain a puddle of goo, sloshing about in my cranium. Where was my inner ice queen in my hour of need? It had probably melted or was hanging out on a beach somewhere with a margarita after just one of Teddy’s scorching looks, dammit.
Agnes sighed and looked a bit moony-eyed as she watched us. I felt like I was about to pass out from the overt charm that Teddy was exuding, engulfed by his citrus smell and potent pheromones, which really should come with some kind of health warning. Even at school Teddy had been a hugely affectionate person with his friends. There’d always been manly hugs with the rugby team and handholding and kisses on the cheeks with girls. He’d never shied away from physical touch, and others had always readily initiated or reciprocated this with him. Teddy was tactile with other people, and comfortably so. I, generally, was not. And yet, right here, at this moment, my nervous system was alight with how absolutely perfect this felt.
“Right,” I croaked, finally (reluctantly) pushing out of his embrace. I stepped towards the goat, gulping in some air to try and right the oxygen imbalance that was clearly addling my mind. “Perhaps we should sort this gate then.”
Teddy looked amused, clearly picking up on my discomfort at the intimate moment that had just passed between us, while Agnes lured Deidre away from the broken end of the pen with the bucket.
“I think this calls for power tools,” Teddy said as he picked up the bits of gate, inordinately excited to be contemplating using a battery-operated drill. “I’ll be right back.”
Left alone with Agnes, who was studying me intently while Deidre wolfed down the pellets in the bucket, another awkward silence began.
“We’re not married,” I blurted out after a beat.
Where did that come from?
“Ok.”
“We’re not even a couple.”
There, disastrous mistake averted. Phew.
“If you say so, dear.”
“We’re not.” Honestly, why would she even think that?
“There’s no judgement from me if you’re not married. Marriage can be overrated anyway. Just keep on doing your own thing. Ignore what anyone else says. I always have.”
“But—”
“Friends with benefits – that’s what you young people do, isn’t it? Sounds delightful to me.”
“Yeah, we’re not really friends either, with or without benefits,” I muttered, horrified.
“Well, he’s clearly totally besotted with you, so my advice is to just enjoy it, whatever you want to call it.”
How could I explain this? He’s an old adversary from school who’s trying to teach me how to be nice to people because I’m a grumpy cow and might lose my job , didn’t seem the right thing to say either. So I elected to keep quiet.
Turning her attention away from me, Agnes fondly watched her goat, rubbing the animal’s ears while she ate. She seemed comfortable to remain silent. but my mind was now screeching with embarrassment, desperately trying to come up with something (not prickly) to say, something other than: You’re very old , or Have you had that goat checked by a veterinary professional? , which were the only two thoughts pinging around in my head. Even I knew that neither of those was appropriate or friendly conversation starters.
Why is this so bloody hard?
Eventually, Teddy came back after what felt like four years of self-flagellating penitence in a Cistercian monastery, his cheery personality filling the thought vacuum I had created and making me sag with relief. He gave me a strange look – eyebrow cocked – and mouthed silently, “Are you ok?”
I nodded and eagerly jumped over the gate, spreading my arms wide and saying in a falsely bright tone, “How do you want me?”
Teddy choked slightly, before quickly regaining his composure and winking. “I want you everywhere, all the time. You know that, snuggle bun. But perhaps we should save those shenanigans for later, when we’re alone .”
Agnes cackled and slapped her thigh, her eyes glittering, and Teddy beamed mischievously at her and then back at me.
Meanwhile, all thoughts had shrivelled to raisins inside my head, and my skin had reddened so that I now resembled a giant illuminated cherry-tomato of embarrassment.
“You know what I meant, Ted.”
“Oh, I definitely know what you meant,” he replied. “But if you could just hold one end of the gate for now, that would be perfect.”
Reluctantly I picked up the side of the gate that he had indicated and glared at him, but he just blew me a kiss as he grabbed the other end. I’d asked for this, I realised, when I wanted him to give me a masterclass in wooing; when I apparently enrolled in the fucking Fraser Foundation for Flirting.
Two can play this game of humiliation one-upmanship, Teddy Fraser. Let battle commence.
Just as he bent over the gate, drill in place, facing away from Agnes and Deidre (who still had her head buried in the bucket), I murmured nonchalantly, “Oooh! Watch your back there, Ted. I think the goat wants to say hello.”
I’ve never before seen a man levitate in such a graceful, balletic way, while simultaneously launching a power drill across a barn and squealing like a stuck pig. It was a sight to behold, and I enjoyed the moment so much that I dropped my end of the gate and bent over double, wheezing with laughter.
Realising he was not about to be mauled to death by a goat, Teddy retrieved the power tool from the ground and muttered, “What have I said about playing nicely with the other children, Hannah?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, snuggle bun. Did the thought of the cute, friendly blind goat frighten you?”
Teddy smirked and lifted up the gate again.
“Hold on to this and don’t drop it again, honey bumpkins, ok?”
“You’ve got it, fuzzy flappy face.”
Teddy chuckled and shook his head.
“I think maybe you should leave the endearments up to me, flowery bunny chops.”
“Whatever you say, cheeky bum.”
This one really made him laugh.
“Were you looking at my backside when you were meant to be holding the gate, Hannah? I mean, it’s totally understandable and nothing to be embarrassed about. I do it all the time to you, my horny little cuddle muffin.” Teddy picked up the broken wooden bars and began fixing them back together. “But try and keep your mind out of my pants, just for a few moments, and on the job at hand, all right, sugar dumpling?”
I blew out an exasperated breath. He was far too good at this, and I had nothing. Not a single witty retort left in my brain.
I glanced over at Agnes, who had been watching our exchange with growing amusement.
“Not a couple, huh? My backside,” she said smugly.
When Teddy had mended the gate so that its new construction would stop an 800kg Hereford bull from getting through it, he gathered his tools together and I helped Agnes to top up Deidre’s water and hay. I also gave her a brief check for injuries.
As we closed the door to the stable and headed back towards the house, Teddy turned to Agnes.
“Would you like a cup of tea? There’s not much in the house yet to sit on, but I could probably rustle up a packing crate or two and some bourbon biscuits.”
“Oh no, dear. I should be heading back, and I think there’re other things that you two want to be getting on with.” She shot a salacious look at us and patted Teddy’s arm gently. “I’ll be back to check on Deidre later, and I’ll try to sort a corner of my garage to move her into temporarily.”
“There’s no need for that, Agnes. She can stay where she is for now, can’t she, Hannah?”
I wasn’t totally sure why he was asking me, but I nodded and gave Agnes a little thumbs up.
“Well, if you’re sure? It would put my mind at ease. See you lovebirds later.”
“Think nothing of it.”
Teddy’s eyes twinkled good-naturedly as he watched her depart through a hole in his hedge and disappear into what I assumed to be her own garden next door.
It suddenly struck me that maybe this wasn’t an act. Maybe he genuinely liked people. He liked them enough to get to know them and to offer his services (and his shippen). He actually worried about hurting people’s feelings, even if it meant his own life was trickier because of it.
“You’re staring at me, Hannah.”
“What? I am not,” I huffed, annoyed that he’d caught me gawping at him. “Come on, Mr Fixit. You can make me a cup of tea if you’re putting the kettle on, especially if there are bourbon biscuits on offer.”
“Awww, you’re so cute with your funny little pet names for me. It’s almost as if you like me,” he replied, reaching over and pinching my cheek.
“Don’t get used to it. I’m only speaking like this to you when flirting class is in session. The usual names I have for you are not suitable for sensitive ears.”