Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
O utside, the storm was starting to recede. Its crashing and flashing was now further away, unleashing its wrath on the treeline in the distance, the rain now a steady downpour.
I hadn’t brought a coat with me, and when I stepped into the garden, I turned my face up to the sky and allowed the cool water droplets to splash onto my skin, absorbing the freshening quality that the storm had brought to the air.
“Here, have this.”
Teddy draped his jacket around my shoulders and pulled the hood over my head so that it flopped across my face, drowning me and partially obscuring my view. I felt like a kid wearing my dad’s coat – the hem reached almost to my knees and my hands were hidden in enormously long sleeves as we splashed down the road, which was now lost beneath a river of rain water.
I knocked on Agnes’s door. “It’s Hannah and Teddy. We’ve come to check that you’re ok.”
The flickering of candlelight could be seen through the windows and Teddy’s face was pinched and drawn, creases lining his forehead in consternation.
Panicked, he called loudly, “Agnes?”
The door creaked open and she looked bemused to see us on her doorstep.
“Hello, again. What are you doing here?”
“Just checking on you, with the electricity out.”
“I’m ok.”
Teddy glanced at the ancient-looking candle holder in her hand. The flame danced in the breeze and wax dribbled down the side, drawing his gaze to the piles of newspaper by the door. “Are you sure? We’re worried about you on your own with no electricity.”
He looked at me, urging me to agree.
“Yes, we are.” I nodded, keeping time with Teddy’s enthusiastic head-bobbing.
“Ah, I’ll be fine. I’ve got the stove to make myself a cup of tea in the morning, and I have plenty of candles to see me through the night.”
Teddy’s expression was now thoroughly panic-stricken.
“The surgery has a back-up generator so there will be electricity in the flat,” I said, suddenly remembering this fact.
“It does?” both Teddy and Agnes said at once.
“Yes. So, um, we could all go there?”
“Yes!” Teddy exclaimed. “Come on, Agnes. Then you’ll be safe until we can contact the electricity company in the morning.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Please, I won’t sleep for worrying about you, and you wouldn’t want to be the cause of my lost beauty sleep and deep wrinkles, would you?” he said teasingly, making her smile.
“Oh, you are a worrywart, aren’t you? All right. Let me grab a few bits.”
Ten minutes later, we were all in the surgery flat, the back-up generator rumbling quietly away in the shed outside. Cups of tea in hand, Agnes yawned widely.
“You can have the bedroom, Agnes. Let me show you.” Pushing the door open, we found Lady Fraser sleeping on the bed, and she gave a little chirrup as we entered.
“Oh, Aphrodite! There you are!” Agnes rushed over to the cat, mashing her in a warm embrace. “What scrapes have you got yourself into this time?”
“She’s your cat?” I asked.
“Yes! I’ve been worried sick!”
“Teddy found her with an abscess. It’s pretty much all healed now.”
“You two are angels, you know that?”
Lady Fraser – Aphrodite, it seemed – was purring ferociously, head-bumping the old lady and dribbling slightly, delighted to be reacquainted with Agnes.
“It was no problem, at all.” Teddy was smiling softly. “She’s a very brilliant cat.”
Closing the bedroom door and leaving Agnes to get ready for bed, we turned back to the living area and had to face the elephant in the room: I only had one bed in my flat, and Agnes was in it. Other than the bathroom, and the kitchen-living area we were standing in, there were no other rooms in my very small abode.
“Where the hell are we going to sleep?”
Teddy looked at me in confusion and rubbed his hand up the back of his neck.
“Don’t you have another bedroom?”
I shook my head. “Just the one.”
I hadn’t really thought this through, had I? I’d lured him here with the promise of electricity and that had forced us into close proximity for the night. Yes, that old chestnut. It was such a cliché – a truly avoidable and unnecessary situation, right?
“Right.” He paused. “I could go home?”
Yes, this is exactly what he should do. He should go back to his own house. It would avoid all awkwardness and weirdness between us. He wouldn’t get any ideas and I wouldn’t unintentionally (absolutely intentionally) reciprocate them. But why wasn’t I agreeing with him? Why was my mouth stubbornly remaining shut?
The storm seemed to have returned and was really raging now. A huge gust of wind suddenly battered the building, making the roof tiles rattle above our heads.
“I’m sure we can figure something out.”
What am I saying?
My brain was clearly malfunctioning in a spectacular and horrible way.
“If you’re sure?”
No, I’m not sure. I’m bonkers. Obviously.
I eyed the small armchairs and wondered if we could contort ourselves into one each and sleep there. But there wasn’t very much padding in the seats and if I had to be honest, they smelled a bit like wet dog. Even standing next to them, Teddy made them look as though they were straight out of Lilliput.
Ferreting about in the airing cupboard, I found some extra pillows and blankets. “We can use these to fashion something on the floor, but it might not be very comfy.”
We set about moving the furniture to the edge of the small room, creating as much floor space as possible, laying down the cushions and blankets into two makeshift beds, that were, unavoidably, quite close together. We both stared at the nest we’d made, not looking at each other. It seemed too intimate, too dangerous. And far too far away from being a purely platonic situation.
There were a few moments of silence and an awkward game of eyeball tennis during which we quickly averted our gazes whenever they met, before Teddy cleared his throat and murmured quietly, “Should we just go to bed then?”
“Right. Ok. Righto,” I replied before darting away to the bathroom to change into a pair of pyjamas. When I returned to the living room, Teddy was dressed only in his boxers and was in the process of climbing under the covers. He wriggled about to try and get comfortable on the floor-bed under the window.
“Are you sure you’re ok down there?” I asked, getting into the other bed, the soft hue of the table lamp casting long shadows on his face.
“Yep, very comfortable, thanks,” he said, smiling over at me.
“How’s your head?”
“Better.”
“Ok, goodnight,” I whispered, turning off the light and rolling onto my side to face away from him.
“Goodnight, Hannah.”
I lay still for a few minutes, but my mind would not switch off. I was acutely aware of Teddy’s scent as it tortuously pervaded my nostrils, and even the sound of him breathing was loud in my ears. I shifted about a bit, trying to get comfy, but eventually I turned back over. My eyes had adjusted to the dark enough that I could pick out his profile just a foot or so away.
“Teddy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you asleep?”
“Clearly not. Why?”
“Oh. I can’t get to sleep.”
“I’m fairly aware of that fact, but what would you like me to do?”
“Stop breathing.”
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“Well. Stop breathing so loudly. All I can focus on is your loud man-breathing.”
Teddy gave a derisive snort. “I’m not doing ‘man-breathing’. I’m breathing normally.”
“Normal for a walrus with sinusitis,” I retorted.
“Fine. I’ll try to breathe quietly, like a teeny tiny mouse, if that helps. But if I die of asphyxiation in my sleep, then it’s completely your fault.”
“I’d really appreciate your rodent-breathing efforts, thanks.”
We were silent for a while, and I noticed with amusement that he was indeed trying really hard to breathe inordinately quietly. I closed my eyes, finally starting to relax, until I felt myself drifting towards blissful nothingness, concentrating on my own inhalation and exhalation to settle my mind further.
“Hannah?”
My eyes flew open.
Dammit .
“What is it, Teddy?” I asked with a sigh.
“What happened with Jonathan?”
I remained still for a moment, unsure what to say. I could tell him to mind his own beeswax. Or I could gloss over the horrible truth of the relationship and try to preserve a little dignity. Or I could tell him the whole, ugly story.
And I honestly didn’t know which I was going to choose before I opened my mouth.
“He cheated on me with his PhD student.”
“Wow. What an arsehole.”
“Yes. But it was all my fault, apparently.”
“How did you work that one out, Hannah?” Teddy shifted on the floor, his voice getting louder as he turned towards me.
“I didn’t need to work it out. He told me as much to my face.”
“What an arsehole,” he said once more. His voice was indignant – outraged on my behalf.
“Again, yes.”
“You’re not going to go back to him, are you?”
“I don’t know.” That was the honest answer because I really didn’t know.
“I don’t think you should.”
“Noted.”
The following moments of silence made me believe that the conversation was over. I closed my eyes, staring unflinchingly at the dark insides of my eyelids and fighting down the nausea that still erupted in me whenever I relived the afternoon of that horrible discovery. The feelings of rejection and disgust still lived so close to the surface, even now, so many months later. Yet, how could it be that the lure of my old life was still so strong?
“Is that why you’re so reluctant to believe anyone could possibly like you?” Teddy whispered.
“What?”
“Because of what he did … how he blamed you? It wasn’t your fault.”
I looked up at the ceiling, the faint shapes of the living room furniture just visible in the gloom. The oppressive darkness sat heavily on my chest. “I’m reluctant to believe that charismatic, flirtatious men have the ability to remain faithful so they’re best kept at arm’s length.”
“I see.” Teddy sighed. “And you’ve put me in that category?”
“Firmly.”
There were a few moments where we didn’t speak, while I tried to squash the shallow tremble of unease that bubbled in my stomach, mesmerised by the loud beating of my heart in my ears as I waited for his response.
“You’re wrong, you know,” Teddy said eventually.
“About all flirty men being promiscuous?”
“About me.” His tone had softened, and there was a quiet, sad edge to his voice.
I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed silent, hoping we could move along from this.
“Goodnight, Hannah.”
“Goodnight, Teddy.”
* * *
“Morning, lovebirds!”
Agnes’s voice cut through my sleep, waking me to groggy consciousness. The dream of frolicking in a Valencian orange grove disappeared from my mind’s eye and I became acutely aware of a heavy weight across my thighs.
Cracking open my eyelids, I found myself tucked firmly against a bare and expansive muscled chest, a smattering of hairs tickling my nose. Long arms were wrapped around me and one leg was thrown over my hips.
Shit.
I made to wriggle away, but Teddy held me tighter, pulling me to him and mumbling incoherently into my hair.
“Teddy, wake up,” I hissed, pushing on his torso, but to no avail.
His bear hug still gripped me securely, his breath fluttered strands of my hair over my face. And, while there were certain parts of my anatomy that were doing a celebratory jig at this predicament (especially when considering the very firm appendage pressed against my stomach), my mind was screaming extrication protocols left, right, and centre in a desperate bid to save me from further intense mortification. Or from doing something I would most definitely regret. Like nuzzling in closer, or gently biting the skin over his collar bone.
There was only one thing for it. Worming a little space between us and fighting off the tingly dead-arm feeling that was making my brain think my hand was now huge, I reached up, poking tickling fingers along his ribcage and up the underside of his arm, gently stroking and edging ever closer to his armpit, until he jerked away with a strangled, sleepy cry.
“Oh my God, Hannah! Tickling is not a nice way to wake someone up!” he moaned, rolling away from me and smacking his head against the leg of the armchair. “Oww! Shit!”
Having achieved my freedom, I scooched back to my side of the communal floor-bed that we had shared, letting out a relieved breath and hastily pulling my unruly hair into a bun. I seriously don’t know what happens when I’m asleep because my hair ends up so big and crazy, as if it’s attended a hirsute rock and roll party all on its own. And it was particularly wild this morning.
Teddy glanced over, rubbing at his temple with long fingers. “Sleep well?”
I nodded. I really had. I’d not woken once in the night, despite my nocturnal wandering and illicit snuggling. “You?”
“Yep. Really well. Even though you talk in your sleep and hog all the covers.”
“I do not talk in my sleep.”
“Oh Teddy, please let me press myself against your manly body!” he teased, laughing as I threw a pillow at his smug, delighted face. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist cuddling me at some point.”
“Tea?” Agnes called from the kitchen, stopping me from leaping over and smothering him with another pillow.
Teddy yawned and stretched, the muscles of his shoulders and arms flexing in a way that made my mouth actually water, as if I were contemplating a fillet steak in Béarnaise sauce, ready to be eaten. A smouldering gaze met mine – he knew exactly what he was doing. Yet again, my resolve to keep my distance shrivelled a tiny bit more. I was a monumental perv and needed to avert my eyes.
Agnes pottered into the living area with a warm smile on her face and placed two mugs of steaming hot tea on the small coffee table. “Thanks for putting me up last night, but I need to go home and check on my goats.”
Teddy smiled and reached for his T-shirt, pulling it over his head.
“I should get going too. I’ve got some work to do this morning and I want to ring the electricity company again to see where we are with getting the supply back up.”
I watched his easy gracefulness as he pulled his jeans on and took a mouthful of tea, placing an arm around Agnes. “Shall I walk you back?”
She nodded gratefully.
“Thanks. Would you be a dear and bring Aphrodite too?”
Teddy looked momentarily confused until the diminutive cat chirruped and rubbed against his ankles. “Yes of course. Aphrodite.”
They bustled around, collecting their belongings, while I sat on the floor and watched.
“You haven’t forgotten that you’re helping me with the kitchen renovations later, right?” Teddy said, holding the door while Agnes gave me a little wave and disappeared down the stairs.
“I am?”
I’d really hoped he’d forgotten about our agreement. No such luck.
“See you at six? You might even have fun. You never know…”
He picked up Aphrodite before giving me a wink and closing the door behind him, leaving me alone, and in a right bloody panic.