Chapter 4
Lewis
Noah is single, then.
My mood lifted when he told me, and it made me even more obsessed with him. I had guessed when he’d stopped posting images of himself and the bird guy, but hearing it from his mouth made it feel real.
He’s your best friend’s brother!
But did I really care? If I started dating Noah, it wouldn’t really affect Ollie, would it? It wasn’t like we’d fuck in front of him.
I mean, I had never stopped pining for the Noah my teenage self had been in love with.
In the decade since, I’d longed for the boy I lost and the time we’d had together. Those summers were among the happiest of my life.
But this new Noah was all grown up and hot. I caught my own eye in the rear mirror and rolled my eyes at myself. Neither of us were anything like the boys we’d been back then.
It wasn’t like I lived an ascetic life, but I would be lying if I said that being near him didn’t awaken a different kind of longing.
Adult Noah made me want to do things to him that Ollie definitely wouldn’t approve of.
True, it didn’t take much these days. Half a year ago, Callum and I had agreed we did better as friends than as lovers. The end of our situationship had been the last time I’d been intimate with anyone else but my right hand.
Being with Cal had been convenient rather than romantic. His croft wasn’t too far away from the distillery, and he was hot and great in bed. But ultimately, I knew we’d both just been stand-ins for the ones we really wanted to be with. I hoped his dumb-ass Kraken would see sense one day.
My eyes flickered over to Noah and then back on the road.
Even being in the same car as him felt more meaningful than anything I had with another person in over a decade.
You’re a sad fuck, Lewis Sinclair.
I hadn’t lied when I’d told Maddie on the eve of her and Fitz’s wedding that I still loved Noah, or rather Noah as he had been.
My brain clung to the marriage pact that we had made like a life raft.
On that sunny day by the burn I had recognised what I wanted my forever to look like.
We’d been kids, yes, but somehow the idea had burrowed into my brain.
If he asked me today, I was sure I’d say, ‘yes, let’s elope and tie the knot today.
’ Noah had never specified if it was going to be my or his thirtieth.
Not mine, of course. That ship had sailed a couple of years ago.
His thirtieth was coming up in March. He’d be back in Bali by then, and I would spend the day getting drunk alone.
“What about you?” His tone told me it wasn’t the first time he asked.
“What about me?” I asked with a laugh to gloss over the fact that I hadn’t been listening.
“Yeah, uh, how have you been? Ollie told me you are working for the Halls, too?”
Oh.
“I’m working for Fitz, yes. His mother and grandfather aren’t involved in the company anymore,” I explained.
“Really? Is his grandfather dead … or how come he isn’t still working? I always thought they’d have to carry the Old Fox out feet first one day.” Noah smirked at me, and I grinned back.
Gods, you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.
“He was always a miserable old fucker, wasn’t he? Nah, he and Fitz fell out a year before last, they only reconciled at Fitz’s wedding.”
“I was so happy he married Maddie.” Noah sighed.
“Yes. That was unexpected, let me tell you.”
“You think so? They always liked each other.”
“You’re right. They did,” I agreed. “But Maddie came back after fifteen years, and they got engaged two weeks later. It wasn’t surprising, the way they looked at each other, but unexpected,” I finished lamely.
“That’s so romantic, though.” Noah sighed again, and I couldn’t help but think that was what people would say if we got hitched.
You made a pact as kids to get married if you were both single at thirty? That’s so cute!
He was your first kiss? How romantic!
You saw him again after ten years and wanted him to fuck you raw? Bless yer cottons!
We arrived at the big Dwarfoods in town, the one that had a clothing department and everything.
“Do you want your hoodie back, Lewis?” Noah peeked out of the car window. “It’s raining out there.”
He’s so adorable.
“I’m fat enough to stay warm in this,” I patted my stomach and inched my head at the pissing rain lashing against the car windows.
Noah lightly punched my bicep. “Shut up, you’re perfect.” His lips slammed shut, and he looked mortified at what he’d blurted out.
“Never said I wasn’t. Fat is not a bad word, Bright.” I winked. “Let’s go.” I waited for him, my shirt almost soaked through by the time he unfroze and clambered out.
Perfect?
We ran and only stopped once we were through to the revolving door, both huffing and puffing.
“Shit,” Noah wheezed, holding a stitch in his side, “I need to do more cardio.”
“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.
“If you want to go running with me sometime, just let me know. Peer pressure and all. When I can afford actual workout clothes that is.” His voice trailed off.
“You know, Bright, I might just take you up on it. Bet I can still beat you.” I also wasn’t opposed to a different kind of cardio we could do together.
We’d raced each other often as kids, slender Noah, lithe and fast, and me, the tiger hybrid, big and strong, even at a young age.
“You wish, Sinclair.” He huffed the words and cocked an eyebrow at me, drowning in my hoodie. He was so fucking adorable it nearly brought me to my knees.
“Come on then, old man.” He resolutely turned his back on me, grabbed one of the trolleys, and entered the clothing department.
With impressive surety, Noah picked a small capsule wardrobe for himself: a couple of slacks and jeans, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, a stone-washed buttoned denim shirt that suited him exceptionally well, and some underwear.
I wished I hadn’t seen the tight black boxer shorts he added to the cart. Not knowing what he wore under his clothes would have been a small mercy.
The longer we spent in the shop, the easier it was to talk to and be around him. I’d taken over the trolley so he could get what he needed.
Cinnamon bagels landed in the cart. Ah, yes, I still remembered how much he’d always liked them.
Somerset brie, cheddar, chocolate spread, some fruit and veggies, they all landed on top of his clothes, as did toilet paper, a value pack of toothbrushes, shower gel, shaving soap and a razor, and face wipes.
The last thing he added were a few tins of the store brand cat food.
Noah had always been an animal lover. Of course he’d get food for the stray in the barn.
I watched him as he perused the shelves, my eyes hanging on his dark hair where it curled at his shoulder, the stubble on his cheeks, and the way he grabbed the cuffs on the way-too-long sleeves of my hoodie.
In my memory, we hadn’t been that different in height. The Noah I held onto was about fourteen, not twenty-nine, and I’d had a growth spurt after Noah left. Compared to me he was tiny. This version of him wasn’t a little boy anymore. Now, adult Noah was the stuff of wet dreams.
Damn, my tiger had the overpowering urge to keep him safe, well fed, and fucked.
“How about I cook for us tonight?” I asked out of the blue, startling the man next to me.
“You want to cook for me? At my place?” he asked, staring at me in disbelief.
Does it sound too much like a date?
“Yeah, I remember how much you sucked at cooking,” I said, trying to save the situation.
“Rude, Lew.” Noah stared at me in mock outrage.
My heart skipped a beat at the use of my nickname.
He hasn’t called me that in years.
“How about a nice bolognese?” I rasped and cleared my throat.
“Oookay?” he drawled, apparently unsure if he should take my offer seriously.
“And you wanna get that beer,” I pointed at the bottles with the stylised tiger on it. White Tiger IPA, my pride and joy—and our bestseller. “My treat.”
“What? No,” he blushed, “I—”
“You’re spending enough as it is. Wanna come along, or do you want me to pick the things for dinner real quick?”
“Oh no, I’m coming along, I’m not good at staying put.”
That much I’d noticed.
Noah followed me back through almost all the aisles to get whole grain spaghetti and tomato sauce. I picked two small courgettes, a packet of minced meat, and some grated cheese. He looked like I could have led him anywhere and he wouldn’t have noticed.
He walked behind me, and his eyes clung to my ass like he’d been given the job to never let it out of sight.
I wasn’t proud that I strutted ahead, flexing my glutes with every step to give him a show. Or that my jeans got tighter in the front.
I wrapped my tail around him and pulled him around. It might have been an error on my part but … was he flirting with me?
“The checkout’s this way, Bright.”
He blushed very prettily when I smirked down at him.
Yup, I noticed.
“Oh, yeah, sure.” He cleared his throat and hastily followed me past the shelves with candy bars and magazines to the tills.
“Coming, Noah?” I prompted him again when he stopped in front of a cover that showed Scotland’s most famous folk export.
“Yeah.” Noah hastened to get his stuff out of the trolley. “I just saw Conall White on that cover.”
“Oh yeah, you like his music?” I asked.
“I’m more of a Juna Lux kind of guy.” Noah shrugged. “But he’s good, of course.”
“You’re into Juna Lux’s music?” Her music was my guilty pleasure.
“I listened to 'Neon Chapel’ about 173 times during my travels here. Her lyrics just get me.”
“That’s my favourite song of hers,” I admitted.
Noah nudged me with his elbow. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. I love it.”
We queued at the checkout and I let Noah only grab a few of the groceries before stopping him.
Seeing tears sparkle in his eyes when he saw his total ended me.
He packed his shopping back into the cart with shaking fingers and averted his eyes. All the way to the car he kept quiet and then tracked the raindrops running down the car window as if he could will them to stop.
I didn’t start the engine once we’d buckled in but turned to look at him.
“Noah?”
“Yes?” His breathing sped up, and it cost me every single ounce of self-restraint not to pull him into a hug.
“I know we haven’t been, I mean for the last ten years, we haven’t .… But we used to be friends, and I can’t pretend not to notice. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” he lied with his gaze fixed on his hands.
“With your family? And your job? Are you struggling financially?”
“Why do you think that? I’m not.” The words tumbled out way too fast to be believable and a dark blush crept up his neck.
“I know I have no right to ask you these questions. I’m sorry.
But I know what I saw. You almost bawled when the cashier rang up your shopping.
Your parents aren’t around. They let you stay in a shack, and they didn’t even keep warm clothes for you?
” My voice had dropped dangerously low until it was barely a snarl.
He raised his eyes and something softened in them.
“They’re busy.” And you’re not important enough for them to care?
They weren’t busy; they were fucking assholes!
“I’m an adult. I can manage.” Noah sounded like a child arguing over bedtime, and he must’ve realised because his eyes left me again.
“I never said you couldn’t.” My paw briefly rested on his arm. For a moment I wanted to give in. I wanted to be weak and ask him for a hug, a kiss, or a fuck in the backseat.
I’m not picky. Whatever morsel he wants to give me, I’ll take it.
“It’s just … if you need anything, let me know, will you?” I said.
“Yeah sure. Thanks.” I knew he didn’t mean it and he would call me only if hell froze over, but he had no idea how stubborn this tiger could be.
I contemplated him for a moment, then I started the engine of my truck and palmed the steering wheel. The look I gave him before driving out of the car park was solemn.
Noah wasn’t used to being cared for. I would change that.