Chapter 20
Lewis
Istill chuckled about Noah calling me his “pretty kitty“ when we entered the lift an hour later.
“Why are you grinning?” A smiling Noah hugged me around the hips. He snuggled his face into my jumper. Neither of us was a big fan of wearing clothes that hadn’t been washed first, but we wanted to look good for our double date with Roy and Kat.
The stuff he had picked for me at the APEX warehouse fit together so well. I hadn’t thought it possible, but Noah’s sartorial magic extended to me, too. I didn’t look frumpy or boring anymore, and I even had an air of sophistication—a word I wouldn’t have used to describe myself in a million years.
“I just remembered what you called me earlier.” I tore my eyes away from my reflection in the mirror and met his warm brown ones.
“What? ‘My pretty kitty’? Did you like that?” Noah’s cheeky grin as he repeated it made my heart flutter.
Damn, Lewis. Don’t fall in love, you asshole.
But how could I not when he looked at me like that and when he was the most perfect man I had ever been with?
It’s already too late, anyway.
“Yes, Puppy. I liked that.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” he muttered, pushing up onto the balls of his feet as an invitation for me to kiss him.
Bāgha wasn’t too far from our hotel. We took a cab there, and I loved being chauffeured in the dark rain through the streets of Kirkmuir with the man of my dreams snuggling up against my side.
We arrived almost at the same time as Kat and Roy, who hugged us and seemed a lot more relaxed than they had before.
“Did you have a good afternoon?” Kat asked Noah and me as she took off her own APEX winter coat and hung it up on the coat rack next to our table.
She was breathtaking, even more so than when I had first met her.
Being with Roy makes her glow.
I remembered casually flirting with her that day. She had come to join us at a photo shoot here in the city, and I had immediately picked up on the sexual tension between her and my brother.
It’s so good that he has Kat now.
After Roy got together with Kat, he and I had sat down and talked about his ex-girlfriend, Abbie.
I still hated that bitch’s guts for what she had done to my baby brother. He deserved the world, and based on the way he looked at his fiancée, I think he finally got it.
My heart did a little sad flopping sensation in my chest, briefly stopping my airways.
I want that, too. Why the fuck are Noah and I destined to fail?
I didn’t hear what he said in reply to her question because an excited Sharmin came bustling over to Roy and me, chatting away happily in rapid Bangla.
He insisted that Roy and me visiting his restaurant together brought him luck. He left for the kitchen and returned laden with little plates full of treats we could munch on while we waited for our drinks.
“How are things at the distillery, Lew?” Roy asked me over his White Tiger IPA. I appreciated Sharmin even more for stocking the beer I brewed.
“Perla and Maddie are busy with the brewing courses, and I’m planning the strategy for the next year with Fitz,” I explained.
“We want to get into specialty beers. Microlots, you know? Fitz said he’ll give me free rein.
‘I’m not a brewer, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
And I want to leave the details up to someone who actually knows their shit,’” I used air quotes and sarcasm in my voice as I mimicked my boss.
“Oh my God, Lew, that is amazing.” Noah’s warm hand landed on mine and squeezed my fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Because we spent the night together, and then I forgot all about it.
I noticed my brother’s eyes lingering on our hands for a moment, a knowing smile playing on his lips.
“Noah is right. That’s so cool, Lewis.” Kat raised her own beer bottle at me in a toast.
“Yep, I agree,” Roy said. “You should be proud of yourself, bhai.”
“It’s no big deal,” I mutter, rubbing my hand over my nape.
“Yes, it is!” Noah gave me an indignant look.
Kat told us about her latest projects, and we heard from Roy about plans that they had for an actual flagship store in the city while we ate an obscene amount of food. Noah occasionally held my hand under the table or leaned into my body.
It was one of the best evenings I’d had in years.
This is where he belongs.
When I went to the bathroom, Noah followed me and held me back in the little hallway outside the door. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
“What did you say?” I leaned down to steal a kiss.
“Stop that, Lew.” He huffed. “I can’t think straight when you kiss me.”
“I’ll shamelessly exploit that knowledge, Bright.” I winked.
Noah snorted. “Just don’t distract me for a moment. I know you were just being kind when you said I was good at my job. I know that, okay?”
“Don’t worry, Puppy.” I hugged him, and that same sense of security I’d had in bed earlier washed over me. My heartbeat slowed down when he laid his head on my chest.
It feels so right.
“You didn’t offend me. You always had the hardest time taking compliments. But that never stopped me. And I wasn’t just being nice. I meant it.”
Noah exhaled a long breath. “I know,” he whispered.
By the time we got back to the hotel, we were both too full to frolic more and fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillows.
I snuck in a good-morning blowjob before we got ready to hit the city.
Noah seemed strangely absent as he pulled on his coat, then his demeanor changed. He gasped for breath and swallowed as if bile rose in his throat.
“Puppy?” I asked in alarm. “Are you okay?” In two steps I was by his side and hugged him tightly. “Is something wrong?”
Noah closed his eyes and stuck his nose into my jumper. I recognised a pattern in his deep breaths after a minute. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four, five, six. His heart no longer hammered against my stomach, and he relaxed in my hold.
I held him through it.
“Did I say anything wrong?” I murmured as I pressed a soft kiss on his hair.
“No. It wasn’t you.” He drew a shuddering breath. “I–it was just a little panic attack.”
“Oh that’s alright then.” My voice dripped with sarcasm. “Do you want to stay at the hotel today?”
He shook his head.“No, I’m okay. It happens sometimes. But I really want to go exploring with you.” I gave him a once over. He looked so fucking adorable with his beanie and the elegant scarf, and all bundled up in his new APEX coat.
“Well, if you’re sure. Let’s go have breakfast somewhere.” I would ask him what had triggered the panic attack later. For the moment, feeding him was my top priority.
We left the hotel room, and Noah took my hand in the lift.
“Thank you, Lew.”
Fifteen minutes later we arrived at Kat’s favourite cafe again. Scales & Steam was across the square from her office, and Kat and Roy swore they had the best coffee in Kirkmuir. I was excited to try some of their sweet treats with Noah. Everything was just more fun when we did it together.
The purple-haired barista greeted me like an old friend.
“Good morning, lovelies. What can I get you today?” She beamed at me. Her eyes intrigued me. It took me a moment to realise that her pupils were vertical and that she had a patch of light purple scales on her neck.
“Good morning.” I grinned over the counter. “Can we get two bottles of water, a fruit salad, two coffee lattes, and the Pumpking for me, please.” I tapped the glass display and pointed at a scrumptious looking cupcake. "What about you, Noah?” I asked him.
“I’ll have the red velvet cake.”
“Can we get two slices, please? Kat’s been telling me about it for ages,” I told the barista with a chuckle. “She’s addicted.”
She grinned back. “She is. Are you a friend of hers?”
“Her future brother-in-law,” I explained and swiped my card before Noah could even begin to protest. The barista acknowledged it with a little wink and waved us to the end of the counter. We waited for our order, standing a little closer together than strictly necessary.
Noah picked a table by the window and people watched while we sipped our drinks and ate our food. It was the perfect morning. When we were done, we took our dishes back, grabbed two more coffees to go, and I fished a business flyer from next to the tip jar.
“This is their roaster,” I explained and held the Wild Bull Roast leaflet up in front of Noah’s face. “Their coffee is fucking amazing. I want to see if I can order some for when we’re back home. Life is too short for shitty coffee.”
Noah gave me a curious look that I couldn’t quite place, but waited until I had grabbed one of the business cards that read ‘Wild Bull Roast Kirkmuir’, before we left the café.
It was a surprisingly beautiful day. Cold and a little gloomy, yes, but at least it was dry. Occasionally, the sun peeked through the clouds. It gilded the roofs and put a spring in Noah’s step I’d rarely seen since his return to Scotland.
We walked past the Silverlight Theatre and did a little turn around Kalon Gardens, the park behind it.
It had been named for a Dragoness who had vanished about twenty years ago. A statue of her, made from white marble, marked the centre of the park.
Her son lived in a castle not too far from the distillery. I’d met him a couple of times.
“How about we stay here and finish our coffees?” Noah pointed to a little Japanese pavilion next to the statue. “It’s so peaceful.”
I bet the park was beautiful in summer and made a mental note to come back with him then.
Shit. He won’t be here then, he’ll be back in Bali.
I fucking hated it so much. Why did he have to leave when we only just found each other again?
“How’s the social media thing going, by the way?” I prompted Noah when we sat down on a small bench. I inched a little closer so I could keep him warm. “Is our strategy working?”
“The social media thing? You’re cute.” He laughed and nearly spit out the sip he had taken. “Sorry.“ He took another mouthful but swallowed it down before he spoke. “As far as I can tell, it’s working. I have a smaller brand deal coming up, and I got quite a few donations on Moola.”
“How does that work?” I asked him.
“So, I post the link and then people can wire me money through it. It’s a bit like a tip for ….”
“For hot people?” Noah snorted. “Not just that, but yeah, I suppose, for content creators. My followers like you.”
I drank my rapidly cooling latte. “No. They like us together.”
“Will you take me over to Lone Fox next week?” he asked, switching topics.
“Sure!” I’ve been waiting for you to let me take you home for weeks. But maybe he isn’t ready to talk about it yet.
“Thank you.” He squeezed my thigh. “I really want to go and see Mads again.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea.” It would make him see that I wasn’t the only one who wanted him to stay, and that he still had roots here. “She’ll be so excited to see you.”
“You think so? I’m not sure. She contacted me a while ago. I’ve been meaning to stay in touch, but then all life happened, and we sort of ….” He trailed off and stared down at his fingers.
“Don’t worry about it, Puppy.” I took his hand in mine and rubbed a thumb over his knuckles. “She’s been so busy. But I know Maddie. She’s the kind of person who just loves you from afar until your paths cross again.”
“That sounds a lot like me.” He gave me a little embarrassed smile.
“I think a lot of neurodivergent people can relate to that.“
“Yeah.” He sounded relieved that I understood.
“You know, when Maddie and I became friends, I asked her to tell me about her brain.”
“You did what?” Noah’s grin widened.
“Well, I wanted to learn. Maddie and I, we clicked immediately. We’re pretty close, and I thought it was important for me to know how her brain works, you know?”
I did not tell him that I’d learned even more about ADHD right after he had come back to Scotland. I wanted to be a good fake boyfriend to him.
“That is so sweet, Lewis. I wished any of my friends had done that for me.”
I knew he didn’t mean me. Our friendship had ended, or paused, when we were still very young. I still felt guilty, but I also knew I couldn’t go back in time to fix it. I could only try to be the best person I could be now.
I slipped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into my side. “I’m sorry, Puppy. You would have deserved a friend like that.”
“Oh, I’m not sure about that. I’ve always been shitty at friendships.”
I pulled away, angrier than I should be. “No you weren’t! You were an amazing friend.”
I was mortified when Noah’s eyes filled with tears.
Shit, Sinclair. You have so much to make up to him.
“I should have been that friend for you, and I am sorry I was too much of a cunt to realise that. I really don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Our situation had been so messy, and I had chosen Ollie over him—‘mates before dates,’ or however the saying went.
“A lot of people are cunts as teenagers. And believe me, Lew. I understand that you were confused. I was too.” He chuckled as the tears spilled over, and I hugged him. Somehow his lips landed on mine, and we sat there on the cold bench in Kalon Gardens snogging for a very long time.
I held his hand the entire time under the pretense of keeping it warm, occasionally switching sides so I could warm both equally. The truth was that I didn’t want to let go of Noah Bright, never again and not even for a moment.