Chapter 27
Noah
The next couple of days kept Lew and me at opposite ends of Lone Fox and deep in the trenches of our own projects.
I’d barely gotten my online design tool started to build some more posts for our social media when someone knocked on my door.
“Good morning, Noah.” Maddie poked her head into my office. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure, come in.” I waved her inside.
“It’s so lovely to have you around.” Maddie sighed as she took a seat on one of the extra chairs. “I hate how our brains don’t remember how good it feels to have friends nearby until they are close. It makes me so sad sometimes.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Small mercies, though, right?” I had to laugh or I’d start crying.
I would forget how good it felt to be near Lewis and how much Lone Fox Distillery felt like the home I’d never had. My brain would gloss over it and replace it with new people and new places. The mere idea pierced me like a knife, and so I shoved it aside.
We can’t afford a panic attack now. Later, when we’re home, I promised my ever-present anxiety. It lay dormant, like a stalking Mr Pickles on the hunt for dust motes, ready to pounce the moment it spotted a weakness in my defence.
Maddie pushed her silver, wire-framed glasses up her nose and gave me a sad smile as if she knew exactly what was on my mind.
“I just wanted to check in with you, and I really need a coffee. Do you want to grab a cuppa with me?”
“Oh God, yes.” I got up and stretched. “Great idea. I’ve only had … three cups so far. Aah, the joys of surviving off spite and enough caffeine to kill an elephant.”
She threaded her arm through mine. “You know, I love all the people at LFD, but it’s lovely to have an ADHD bestie here.”
Alright, go ahead and make it even harder for me to leave, Mads.
I knew what she meant. Having Madeline back in my life had not come with the usual awkwardness I experienced when I saw someone again after a long time.
Normally, we traipsed around each other without ever addressing the obvious: how I knew that I sucked as a friend and that they were upset with me.
Maddie got it. I was sure I could have come back into her life at eighty and she would have loved me exactly as much as she had at twelve. Same. We’d taken back up our friendship seamlessly. It was good to have her in my life again.
We left the building that housed our offices and sprinted across the driveway to escape the steady drizzle.
“Ugh, this was one thing I didn’t miss when I was in Bali,” I said as we burst through the pub doors.
“The cold?” Maddie asked.
“Cold rain, and having to wear six layers of clothing in winter.” I rolled my eyes.
“I love it when I’m inside, though, and it’s pissing down outside, but the fire’s lit and you have someone—” I broke off when I spotted Ollie and Lew sitting at a table with Perla, Fitz, and his distillers Jaymes and Chris.
“To curl up under a fluffy blanket with. Props if they’re fluffy, too,” Maddie added in a voice so low only I could hear it.
Lewis’ aquamarine blue eyes found me over Fitz and Ollie’s heads. The smile he gave me was minuscule—barely a lift of one corner of his muzzle—and yet it made my stomach swoop so hard I gasped a little. I bit my lip to hide my own smile.
“Right?” my friend snorted as if I’d just proved her point and pulled me onward.
“Hey,” she called when we were right next to them. They all greeted us back.
At the sound of her voice, Fitz turned in his seat and broke into a lovestruck smile. “Hey, Mrs Hall. Can I get a kiss?”
Maddie snorted and left my side. She bent down to kiss her husband. “See you at lunch?”
“Yeah. I love you,” he whispered before pulling her into another kiss.
“Love you, too, Mr Fox.” She stalked back to my side, flustered as fuck.
“You two are the cutest.” I sighed. “I’m so glad you found each other.”
“Same. I never thought we’d get another shot, and I’m glad neither of us wanted to waste it.”
Is that what I’m doing? Wasting the one shot at the love of my life I never thought I’d get?
I guessed deep down I’d always known that Lewis kissing me hadn’t just been an accident.
The way he had behaved towards my boyfriends in the years after it had told me everything I needed to know.
I had never admitted it to myself, though.
Only now, over a decade later, could I put into words what my heart had known.
He kissed me because he was in love with me, and it confused him, of course it did.
It confused me, too. Him avoiding me after the kiss had broken my heart.
Lew had always been Ollie’s best friend, but—unlike my big brother—he’d never made me feel like a nuisance.
Where Ollie had rolled his eyes when I had tagged along, Lewis had insisted on including me.
It had been an innocent kind of affection, one that never truly grew into what it should have been because of his jealous behaviour.
It made me sad that we had been too young to appreciate what we had, but a stubborn part of me insisted I shouldn’t give up everything I’d worked so hard for, because Lewis Sinclair finally grew up and came clear about his feelings.
Are you stubborn enough to leave the one man you ever truly loved?
“I’ll grab the coffee for us, okay? Be right back,” Maddie said gently and left me at our usual table by the window front.
I sat with my back to the window and my eyes fell on Lew again.
But how could I leave when everything I wanted was here?
I’d never voiced this feeling before but whatever living in Bali had been, it was so far from what made me happy that the mere idea of going back to it was laughable.
It was a fantasy I’d constructed for myself: Noah Bright, successful travel entrepreneur and writer, living near the beach and forever having the perfect set for my photos.
Only I had fallen into a trap I’d never wanted to fall into: I’d lived my life so it looked good on ArgoS not how it felt.
And if I admitted it to myself, it hadn’t felt good in a long time.
Over the years, I had met plenty of adult film stars who made their money with porn.
Some of them had become friends, and I was the last person to judge them; they were amazing, kind hearted, and worked their asses off to make a living.
It had never been something I wanted to do with my life.
I was sure that going back to Bali meant going back to a career that didn’t make me happy, and to a community of convenience with no real ties.
Not like here at Lone Fox where, for the first time in over a decade, I felt that I was at home.
“Here you go.” Maddie placed a cafe latte in front of me. “Are you okay, Noah?” she asked in a low voice when she’d taken the seat opposite of me.
“Yeah, I’m grand. I was just lost in thought, sorry.” I pushed the chaos in my mind back behind the barrier between me and my emotions, and focused on my friend again.
“I promise I don’t want to intrude or overstep any boundaries, okay?
There’s just one thing I want to tell you, and that’s the last thing you’ll hear from me on this unless you bring it up again.
But someone gave me this advice once, and I’m passing it on to you.
It’s never too late to speak your truth, and when you’ve found your person, don’t make the mistake of ever letting them live in doubt about your feelings. ”
A tear spilled from my eye, just one single tear, and I couldn’t help but admire the dramatic beauty of it.
“Thanks, Maddie.”
“Of course. Okay, I’ll keep my promise and change the subject now, if that’s okay with you?” she asked.
“Yes, please.” I winked at her only to catch sight of Lew over at the other table again.
He sat with his back to me, and I was mesmerised by his tail coiling and uncoiling behind him.
The way the black tip twitched occasionally was so enticing.
It reminded me how much he loved it when I rubbed the base—and how horny it made him—and how he wrapped his tail around me to keep me warm.
Maddie glanced over her shoulder to see what I was looking at, then she giggled. “So, the Christmas market.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Why do you think I sit with my back to Fitz? I’d be drooling over him all the time, and then we wouldn’t get anything done. Why are our men so hot, huh?”
“No idea,” I said dreamily, and we both burst into laughter again. “Okay, the Christmas market!” I forced my face into a neutral expression but broke down into a fit of giggles after a moment.
“Yes, the Christmas market.” Maddie took a deep breath, then snorted again.
It took us a couple of minutes to calm down enough to actually start talking about that damned Christmas market.
***
A day later, I went out onto the grounds to take pictures of the preparations for the market.
I tried to stay out of the way and got plenty of great pictures of all our helpers.
Even the weather was on my side and we got a dusting of snow that added a festive feel to the photos.
Then I warmed up by the fireplace in the staff room, and posted a ton of my shots on our page.
People loved them.
I spent the rest of the day refreshing our page and watching the number of guests who signed up through ArgoS’ event feature climb.
“Noah, you’re a genius!” Maddie called as she rushed across the staff room a few hours later.
“So many people signed up already! If even half of them come, I’ll call it a success.
” She hugged me around the neck, then directed the two huge Orc carpenters who helped with the setup to the next spot.
“Louise Reid got back to me, by the way,” Maddie said when she turned back to me and continued the conversation as if there hadn’t been an interruption.
“She’ll drop by this afternoon. Do you think you could be there to meet her with me? ”
“You want me to be there?” I gaped at her.
“I do, yes. My phone hasn’t stopped ringing, and I actually have to answer this time”—she cringed—“and I need someone to take over the conversation if I need to leave to put out some more fires.”
“I’d be honoured, Mads. Thank you. I’ve been listening to their show. Lew always turns on the radio—”
“The radio.” She sketched quotation marks in the air.
“Oh, come on!” I giggled. “Me, too,” I whispered. “But also the radio.”
“Text me when she gets here? I’ll go back to work for a bit.”
“Sure, thanks, Noah.”
Lew came to find me in my office half an hour later. He knocked and paused in the half-opened door, and leaned against the doorframe.
Oh my God, you hot thing.
A smirk curled the corners of his mouth, and he licked his lips so slowly it made me hot all over.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure,” I squeaked.
Lew bit his lip as he slipped into the room. He closed the door behind himself and locked it.
So stealthy.
He rounded my desk and leaned in with one hand on the tabletop and one on the back of my chair.
“Hey, Puppy,” he whispered against my lips before he went in for a kiss like the apex predator he was. I clutched the front of his hoodie to steady myself.
Holy fucking shit. Lewis didn’t just kiss me, he searched for my fucking soul. It’s all yours, big boy.
“Hey, Pretty Kitty,” I gasped, coughing to clear my throat. “How are you?”
“Better now. I missed you today.” Lew knelt on the floor, hugged me around the waist, and rested his cheek on my heart. My soul evaporated. “You?”
I nuzzled the soft fur on his brow. “Fantastic. I stared at your ass earlier.”
His chuckle shook my body. “I noticed. Did ye enjoy the view?” Lew raised his face and pecked me on the lips again.
“Always. How did your meeting go?”
“Well, I barely remember half of it. My brain was a little sidetracked.”
“Your brain,” I put great emphasis on the word and grinned at him.
“Both brains.” He shrugged. “We only have a few days until the course, and we had a lot of details to talk through. And to tell you the truth, I absolutely hate that. I just want to cut straight to the course. It’ll be fine, but Ollie ….”
“He needs to feel in control,” I finished the sentence for him.
“Yes, but we’re in the home stretch. Perla’s going to handle the last few things we need to prepare, Ollie and SweetPea will handle the rooms and food, and I can get back to doing my actual job.” Lew winked at me. “And you,” he added as an afterthought.