32. Alana
Alana
I’ve been away from my desk for too long. Now everyone knows how much of my professional life has mingled with my personal life. I can’t lose face. I have a company to run–well I have several.
I check on my usual channels for watching over my enemies, but there’s no real movement anywhere.
The Deviant dipped off my radar for a few hours last night, but now he’s back in a coffee shop three states away.
I prefer knowing exactly where he is. I also added Terk to my watchlist so I can gather information to use later.
My phone chimes.
Little Pain in My Ass: Hey Sis, what’s that movie I like about a guy on a train. It’s got those other guys I like.
Jesus, could he be any more vague. I run through a long list of movies about trains.
Me: It’s either Bullet Train, Train to Busan or Snowpiercer.
Little Pain in My Ass: That’s it! Thanks.
I stare at my phone. Which one is it? Now I’m going to be stuck playing all three of those movies in my head. I’m about to yell at him but a new text message comes in.
‘My Biggest Mistake.’
Yeah, I don’t click on it. It’s better to leave him unread for a little while until my brain can figure out exactly what I want to do about Grae. I toss the phone to the side of my laptop and try to get back to work. Which lasts about ten seconds before Macie knocks on my door.
“Three things boss.” I glare at her over my laptop screen and blink a few times until she talks. “Your doctor is on the phone again…”
“Tell her to fuck off.”
“I’m not using that language, but I get the message.” Macie dips her head, “Next the staff wants to know if you will be holding some meeting about recent relationship changes between upper management and clients.”
Shit.
“Are they asking for my resignation?”
“God no!” Macie jumps back like I punched her. “Mostly I think they want the hot gos. There are several common statements… Do you want to hear them?”
I pinch my lips together, bracing myself for the verbal assault.
“In no order of relevance," Macie twirls her fingers around her hair, “‘OMG they would make the cutest couple!’” She starts putting her hand to her chest, “Can you imagine how she must have felt when Phoenix was almost killed? I can’t even.” She fans her face, holding back fake tears. “And he’s been looking for her the whole time, and she’s been protecting him.
” Then she states in a grumpy voice, “No matter what she says, I still think she bought the company because of him—that one was Lance.” Macie deepens her voice.
“‘I bet the sex is crazy hot.’ I will be reporting that staff member to HR, but we all are thinking that. And lastly, ‘I hope she’s happy and I wonder who's going to design the wedding dress.’ That one is mine and there’s a vision board if you want to see it. ”
“I do not,” I state flatly. While I hate that everyone is talking about me, it is sort of sweet. “Tell them some of those are valid and some aren’t and I will not be clarifying anymore.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No.”
She frowns and pouts. “Last thing, Uri wants to talk to you.”
I rub my temples to push off the growing headache. “Send him in.” There’s a long list of things I need to speak to him about.
Uri walks in, pulling his suit jacket down and straightening his tie. There’s a painfully serious expression on his face as he sits across from me. The clock on the wall ticks and my laptop fan kicks on as I wait for him to talk.
“I understand if you are going to fire me.”
I raise my eyebrow.
“You committed several serious and termination worthy infractions. You illegally broke into a client's home to threaten him, and then later tried to assassinate him. I’m not even going to talk about not disclosing that you had a physical relationship with him.”
“That’s the one I want to talk about.” He meets my gaze.
I raise my hand. “I need to know if you are Mastodon or Four Families.”
“Four Families is my past… Mastodon is my future.” He swallows and asks, “Which side are you on?”
“Mine.”
“Am I fired?”
Firing him never crossed my mind in the past three days.
“You are on probation, no more mistakes.” I wave to the door. “You can leave.” But he stays in his seat. I motion again and he remains. “I don’t want to talk about you and Grae.”
He closes his eyes and opens them with a new intensity.
“We had one weekend together, and a few days later he was drugged. Then when the kids got that meet and greet, I volunteered to go so I could see him again, and we all got abducted. The night of Aunt Rita’s attack, you sent me to get him from the safe house.
But Lena claimed me as her agent because she figured out that Grae and I had been together.
Apparently, his ears get all red when he sees someone he’s slept with.
” Yeah, I noticed that tell a long time ago.
“And that night, Markus was shot and you died. The universe is trying to tell me that Grae and I are cursed and should never be together.” Ack, empathy is a pain in my ass. Poor kid.
“I don’t think that’s what the universe is trying to say.”
“Maybe.” He pushes my name plate with his index finger and straightens it.
“But I’m not going to pursue it anymore.
Mostly because during our weekend he talked about you.
” Uri looks me in the eyes and adds, flustered, “He didn’t say your name, and I had no clue he was talking about you.
But looking back it was obvious. He talked about a woman who loved with her whole being, who would give up everything for the people she cared about.
He said she was fierce and beautiful and no one else on the planet ever made him feel as seen and adored as she did. ”
Something about this doesn’t sit right with me. “Were you two wearing clothes at the time?”
“Yes.” Uri smirks, “And he profusely apologized for being tacky and talking about his high school girlfriend.”
“Thank God.” I mumble. Am I flattered? Yes. Do I have secondhand embarrassment for both of them? Yes. Two things can be true.
He has a hard time looking me in the eye as his gaze moves around my office.
“We were talking about relationships, and he said I needed training wheels. A starter relationship before I get serious with someone I could love as deeply as Grae did with you.” He exhales.
“I still haven’t gotten my training wheels, and that’s what is keeping me from moving forward with Markus. ”
I suspected that was the reason and now that I have the confirmation, at least now I can plan accordingly.
Uri continues, “My point is Grae loved you for a decade. Hell, he probably loves you even now. Don’t do something stupid because you’re afraid both of you will get hurt. You both already died, how much worse can it be?”
“Thank you for your feedback, I will take it into consideration.” I motion to the door and this time he does leave, shutting the door behind him. I take three deep breaths before I lift my cellphone and swipe on the text notification.
My Biggest Mistake: Hi. I hope this text finds you well. I want to apologize for a million different things and if you give me your precious time I will. We lost twelve years because I was scared and acted without thinking. Or maybe I overthought it. Either way, I am sorry.
My Biggest Mistake: When and if you are ready, I would like to make it up to you in the following ways.
I will perform a one-man show of the first season of The Knights of the Night.
I will tell you constantly how right you are at everything.
Joey said we have memberships to the same sex club—do what you want with that information.
Shower you with lavish gifts.
Copious amounts of sex–like an unhealthy amount.
I will send you pictures of my ass…. Dick pics are gross, but asses are cute.
I will walk away and leave you alone forever.
My Biggest mistake: I will do one or all of them. There’s one that I don’t want to do, but I respect your wishes.
Why is nothing simple with him… and yet it’s so easy at the same time.
Me: How many men helped you write that?
My Biggest Mistake: too many.
My Biggest Mistake: The ass pic was Donny’s idea… gotta say, I like the way he thinks.
Me: Well that was my first choice, but I do like the idea of one-man show too.
Me: I need to lick my wounds a little longer.
My Biggest Mistake: I totally understand.
Me: What have you been doing?
My Biggest Mistake: You haven’t been watching the security footage?
Me: I can’t watch that from my laptop and I’m still hungover.
But that’s a good idea. I scoot my chair over to the desktop computer on the other side of the room and flip on cameras to his apartment.
He’s sitting on the couch he's supposed to give Lena.
Donny and Lukas are playing video games.
Teddy comes out of the bathroom making motions around his nose, which makes the rest of the guys sneer.
Grae is pacing back and forth while typing feverishly.
My Biggest Mistake: I cried about a dead pirate ship with an assassin and some mob bosses.
Me: Your life is so fucking weird.
And it’s my fault.
He smiles as he types away.
My Biggest Mistake: The show is about pirates. That ship was their home for 300+ episodes! I stand by my tears.
Me: Like I said, I need more time to process, and you only have a few days on your trial membership.
He reads the text and his shoulders sink.
He rubs his face and says something. A second later the game pauses as Donny pulls the phone out of his hand and shows it to Lukas.
The phone gets passed around and decoded like ancient text.
Lukas gives Grae pats on the back. Donny looks dead into the camera and gives me the finger.
Me: But I don’t plan on canceling the membership early. However, I don’t want to see you tonight, but what about we watch a movie and talk on the phone? I’ll have dinner delivered to your place.
He jumps up and nearly clocks Teddy in the face.
But all four guys are jumping and punching each other like this is the single greatest victory.
They all hover around the phone as Grae starts typing but then Lukas grabs the phone out of his hand.
It gets passed around and each guy adds or deletes something to the text.
My Biggest Mistake: Cool, what time?
Me: Later than normal. I need to move Midge and me to a new location. My apartment was compromised. But I’ll text you when I’m ready.
My Biggest Mistake: I guess I’ll ask you follow up questions when we talk tonight.
My Biggest Mistake: Any specific movie?
Me: Something about a train. TTYL.
I watch the screen for a little while as they jump and dance with the frantic energy that can only be described as BOY. Then Teddy points out the camera to him and says, “She’s got two computers watching you.”
Grae looks down at the phone and then back at the camera. He drops his pants and wiggles his ass back and forth.
My Biggest Mistake: Enjoy the ass pic.
Despite everything, he still makes me smile.
I scroll back through the list of activities he wants to do and I frown.
Three out of the seven are sexual. Are we good at it?
Hell yeah. But we are so much more. And if he can’t get past his need to pleasure his partner, he might never see who he can really be.
As much as I may want to extend his trial or cancel it, I can’t let him go without at least addressing this.
He’s had years to figure this out on his own and he hasn’t. Like he’s content to stay stuck to those limits of worth. Well…I’m not letting that happen. Even if I need to tie him up and force him to deal with it.