Chapter 3 #2
Gabby set them on the counter without a word, winding up to give Phil a piece of her mind. It would be better than stabbing him with the helium balloon’s stick. That would be a murder scene—stabbed through the heart, a tiny “Get well!” balloon protruding from the wound.
Justin stood, undoubtedly feeling the gathering storm in the air. “Well, I better be going. Gabby, we can do the reveal tomorrow.”
“No!” she said forcefully. She would not give up sleeping in her new room because Phil decided to show up uninvited. “Phil’s not staying.”
Phil perked up at the mention of a bedroom reveal. “Don’t mind me. I’d like to see what you did with my old office.”
Gabby cringed. How could Phil make this any more uncomfortable?
Justin shook his head no a little too emphatically. “Later would be better. A bedroom is supposed to be a private retreat.” The way he said “private” rang alarm bells in Gabby’s mind.
Granny wasn’t having it. “Gabby has been sleeping on a couch for a week.” She started marching toward Gabby’s bedroom. “Why are you acting like it’s a secret? A bedroom has a bed, a dresser, and a laundry basket. That’s it.”
Justin scoffed. “Granny, what do you think I am, a Communist?”
Granny, who had defected from the USSR during the Moscow Olympics, raised an eyebrow.
Kyle appeared again and said, “The toilet is still like not right.”
“Is it an emergency?”
“I guess not.”
“Okay. I’ll plunge it after I see the room.”
Dismissing the “weird” toilet, Gabby turned toward her bedroom door. It was locked, and there was a DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging on the doorknob. Justin had already suggested she put the sign to use for real.
Before opening the door, Justin took a deep breath and made the sign of the cross.
Phil, uninvited guest of the century, stood at the front with a handful of pretzels. He popped one in his mouth and peered into her brand-new room.
Gabby was seething, but she held her tongue. She did not want to kick him out of the house in front of the kids, who had also joined the tour. If she could go back in time and divorce him before he had a chance to leave her, she would.
Like it was still his house, Phil said, “I’m curious to see what you did. There’s that one awkward corner that I never knew what to do with. What’d we use to keep there, Gabs?”
Gabby glared at him. How dare he act like they’d lived together for fifteen years. Sure, they had, but he didn’t have to relive it so fondly.
Justin smiled. “Oh, I made good use of the corner.”
Gabby followed Phil, who had already pushed through the streamers stretched across the door to find… She’d watched that Netflix series, How to Build a Sex Room, a year or so ago. This wasn’t that, but it wasn’t not that either.
The walls were painted a deep pink, and all the furniture was glossy black, including a dresser and two nightstands.
The comforter was black and splashed with oversized peonies.
Justin had managed to create a small seating area with a TV.
The loveseat was hot pink tufted velvet with a cream-colored throw.
There was nothing funny about it, but Phil laughed too loudly anyway. “What is this, a Victoria’s Secret?”
“It’s beautiful, Justin!” It was decadent, a retreat for wearing eye masks and fluffy slippers.
The bedding was cozy and inviting. She was ready to crawl in and…
Oh no, that wouldn’t do. She quickly tucked a vibrator charging upright on the nightstand into the drawer, shooting dagger eyes at Justin.
He shrugged. “I was supposed to give you a tour, not you and everyone you know.”
This was Gabby after dark.
Instead of kid art and family photos on the wall, he’d hung Georgia O’Keeffe flowers and an oil painting of a fox and hounds scene. When she looked closer, it was hard not to notice that the hunter was in very tight pants.
Justin whispered, “Vintage bulge because I’m keeping it classy.”
Phil put a pretzel in his mouth and chewed violently.
Lucas, who had returned from his walk and joined the group without a hello, hopped on the bed and started rolling around. If she wasn’t so overwhelmed, she would remind him to say hi to his father. When he flopped over and started sticking his tongue out, she looked up. They all did.
“A mirror?”
“Of course,” Justin said, like he’d never considered not putting a mirror above a bed. Gabby couldn’t help but think of Justin’s husband, Hugh. No one had ever looked more like a history professor.
Phil scowled. “This doesn’t feel like a bedroom for a mom.”
The mirror was suggestive and playful, and no one needed toys on display, but besides that, the room was feminine and luxurious. After she cleared Phil out and compartmentalized everyone in her family, Markus could come over.
She gave Justin a huge hug. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Hugh and I have been meaning to get you a divorce present.”
Phil blanched at “divorce present,” but oh well. That’s what you get when you leave your wife, and then after it’s all said and done, insist on going on a tour of her renovated single-woman bedroom. He shouldn’t be here at all.
Justin kissed her on the cheek and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Your grandma is right. I should go home to Hugh. Can’t be neglecting my man.”
As everyone filtered out, Gabby turned to Lucas. “Did you clog the toilet, Lucas?”
“No, but…”
From the look on his face, she knew he did. They would have the courtesy flush talk again tomorrow. But for now, “Just use the downstairs bathroom. I’ll get to it before bed.”
Phil touched her upper arm. “Do you need help with something?”
“No, I got it.” She hoped.
Accepting that, he said, “Gabby, can we talk?”
“I guess.” All she wanted to do was watch a show and crawl into her brand-new bed.
“Did you like the flowers and chocolate?” he asked.
“No, Phil. That’s not something I want from you. If you want to help, how about some money for the kids? Kyle needs shoes.”
“Of course I’ll help with the kids, but…”
Phil had been nothing but missteps, and she could feel him about to make another.
“I want to get back together. Leaving was a mistake.”
She started to respond, but he held up his hand in protest. “I was having a midlife crisis.”
“Phil—”
He pressed a finger to her lips. “Your mom said you’ve been missing me. She thinks it’s a good idea for us to get back together.”
“What?” Her mom? Why was she talking to Phil?
“Just think about it. We have kids together.”
She couldn’t even with this. He had left her nearly a year ago now. She had moved on. Their chapter was closed. She opened the door and gestured for him to leave. “Thank you for the flowers, but no.”
“And that bedroom, Gabby. I mean… that isn’t you.”
“Good night, Phil.”
After she shut the door, she sagged against it to collect herself. Kyle walked around the corner. “Mom—”
The look on Kyle’s face was one of mild distress, and it brought Gabby right back to her to-do list—the toilet. “Ohmygod. I almost forgot.”
In the upstairs bathroom, she stared into the toilet bowl, plunger in hand.
Thankfully, it wasn’t filled with a giant poop.
It was important to be grateful for the small things.
She lined up the plunger over the hole and went for it.
Squelch, followed by a giant sucking sound, and then nothing. She did it again. And then again.
After about five times with no success, she sagged in front of the bowl.
Kyle, softer than earlier, a tender hope in her voice said, “Are you and Dad getting back together?”
Plunger still in hand, her glasses splattered with drops of toilet water, Gabby stared at her daughter, who needed so much. It was the end of a long day, and Gabby had nothing left to give. Damn Phil with his flowers and apologies.
“Sweetie, it’s so late. I love you so much, and I’ll always love your dad for giving me you, but right now I’m only interested in getting together with a plumber.” She smiled and gave the toilet another plunge.
Kyle’s eyes narrowed to a fierce glare, and she stormed out, leaving Gabby with nothing but an incurably clogged toilet.
Gabby called out the door, “Lucas, what did you flush down this toilet?” Was he pooping like a grown man at seven?
Lucas peeked in the door and said, “A tennis ball. But it’s okay. It went down.”
Gabby dropped back onto the edge of the tub while Lucas prattled on. Something about playing fetch with Mr. Bubbles, Kyle flushing the toilet, and the ball bouncing off the shower wall and into the toilet mid-flush.
She started laughing because some monsters you just couldn’t fight. The old Gabby might have primal-screamed into the toilet bowl or just put caution tape over the door, but she was Agent Greene. She could handle this. All she needed was a plumber and three more hours in the day.
Not picking up on the source of her maniacal laughter, Lucas said proudly, “It was awesome.”