Chapter 12
Midmorning, the G-hut
Everyone, shut your eyes. Open your hearts,” said the woman standing in front of a circle of women at the Ladies-Only Power Couple Orientation.
The group was gathered in the G-hut, a circular building made from beautiful stone and gleaming wood that practically dangled out over the ocean.
A small circular hole in the floor at the center of the room revealed the rocky cliffs and crashing waves far below them.
Gabby was in the doorway, sweaty and out of breath and running late after the incident that would hereinafter be referred to as, umm, My Bad.
She surreptitiously put the phone she hadn’t had time to drop back at the cottage to silent. As quietly as she could, she tiptoed between the women to a free spot.
“Welcome, Gia,” the leader said, breaking the spell of the class, if Gabby hadn’t already. “I’m Jasmine.”
Tall, broad shouldered, boobs spilling out of her top, red hair down to there. In photos, Jasmine was beautiful, an object to be admired. In person, Jasmine was overwhelming. Like the Big G, her presence also screamed “cult leader.” Gabby couldn’t tear her eyes away.
Jasmine repeated, “Take a seat. Shut your eyes and open your heart.”
“Oh, sorry!” Gabby must’ve been staring.
The gong sounded. As it faded to a distant shimmer, Jasmine said, “It is my mission to share the practice and wisdom of Genesis with as many people as I can. It would be criminal to keep this happiness to myself.”
Funny choice of words.
“You will spend the next week finding your Inner-G.”
Gabby wanted to ask what that meant, but it seemed like something she was already supposed to know. Like that time she’d zoned out at Best Buy while the salesman was talking to her, and she ended up walking out with an air fryer instead of admitting she hadn’t heard a word he said.
A woman in a flowy dress passed out G-shots. Standard ingredient list: seaweed and radical molecules.
Gabby peered into the opaque green liquid. By the end of the week, she’d be speaking fluent G. The more she got into it, the easier it seemed. Sort of like the G version of pig latin. Instead of “ig-pay atin-lay,” just add a “G.”
G-love.
G-hut.
Inner-G.
G-force.
G-ranch.
G-wagon.
G-spot?
Jasmine said, “Genesis and I are so grateful that you’ve joined us. This retreat is designed to wake you up.”
Gabby looked around. Had she been asleep? Also, how closely was this going to follow the plot of Power Couple?
“We are all so stressed, busy, bombarded by information. Very few people are actually awake to the world. Waking up is the first step.”
Step to what? Where were they going? This felt like the closest Gabby had been to cult membership since her last visit to Trader Joe’s.
“Outside the constant noise of society, you will be able to see the lies that we believe, the lies that we tell ourselves. If you give yourself over to practice, you will be able to see the truth and access your Inner-G.”
The women in the circle were eating it up, nodding in agreement and breathing like they’d never gotten a lungful of air before.
“Someone with strong Inner-G walks through a room with confidence, finds romance with ease, makes money hand over fist.”
Okay, she was starting to feel it. Maybe all she needed was some more G. It couldn’t hurt.
Jasmine was in the flow, the room was humming with energy when…
Briiiing.
Gabby’s leg vibrated, and the phone rang. Damn it. She must have turned the ringer on instead of off. Why did she always do that? It was a blaring ringtone against a background of soft music and ylang-ylang scented air. All eyes in the room moved to her.
“I’m so sorry!” Gabby hurried to turn the sound off. “I forgot that was there.”
Jasmine glared at her like she’d murdered someone. “You have a phone?”
Gabby stuttered. “Um, it’s my family. I really have to be available.”
“It’s rule number one. No phones.”
“It’s my Granny, though. I really have to take it.” She’d been trying to call all morning.
Gabby looked between her phone and Jasmine and back again. What if Lucas was having an allergic reaction? What if there had been a car accident? It could be anything.
“Just one second.” Gabby ran outside and answered the call. “Granny, what’s going on?”
The connection was fuzzy. After a few “Can you hear me?”s, she said, “Gabby, you know those shoes you ordered Kyle?”
Gabby deflated completely. “You called about shoes?”
“WHAT?” Her voice was fuzzy, but Gabby could tell she was probably yelling into the phone.
Gabby yelled, “You called about shoes?!”
“They didn’t… and Kyle…”
This was not an emergency. Gabby’s heart rate skyrocketed. From inside the G-hut, Jasmine was laser-eyeing her. She looked furious.
Granny fuzzed out again, and Gabby ended the call with no more information than before. She pasted a smile on her face and walked back into the hut. “I’m so sorry. It was my grandmother, and I just had to take it.”
Jasmine shook her head. “Do you think you’re the only one with a family?”
“No.”
Gabby looked around the room at all the other women. They probably had responsibilities and people to worry about back home. Was she being arrogant, thinking that everything would fall apart without her?
“You cannot be a Power Couple or a Power anything if you don’t learn balance.”
“But I need to learn balance with my family. What am I going to do, not worry about them?”
Jasmine raised an eyebrow. “You answered your own question. Good job.”
Ouch.
Jasmine put a hand on her hip and said, “Gia, you can’t have a phone. You are going to throw off the energy of the whole retreat. Did you feel how we lost the flow when that phone rang?”
Partially because Jasmine freaked out, but Gabby wasn’t going to mention that.
“Not to mention, this is a private space. We need to feel safe sharing. No phones.”
Hmm. That was ironic for a group that had been selling its members’ secrets to the tabloids.
“You simply can’t have it.” Jasmine shut her eyes like she was doing her best to stay composed. “The G-hut is a sacred space.”
Gabby’s eyes widened. “But—”
“There’s no exception. If you want to be here, you have to shut off the noise.”
Gabby felt it coming. Jasmine was going to confiscate her phone like she was a teenager who just violated a house rule.
But this was Gabby’s personal phone. Her actual phone number with a gazillion pictures of her kids and Mr. Bubbles.
Her cover would be blown. The whole mission would be blown because she wanted her phone.
“I can’t believe you didn’t hand over your phone when you arrived.”
“I, uh, didn’t know,” Gabby stammered.
“I’m going to have to talk to whoever checked you and George in.”
Gabby had to think fast. She needed to get rid of this phone before Jasmine took it.
The hole in the center of the room called to her, the sound of the waves giving her the answer to her problems. In the most high-stakes game of cornhole ever, Gabby pretended to trip on the completely flat floor (not a problem because she did that sort of thing all the time) and fumbled her phone but with just enough momentum to send it toward the death drop.
She shut her eyes and willed the phone toward its destination.
It skittered across the gleaming wood floor and went straight into the hole, disappearing.
Instead of doing a victory dance, Gabby gasped. With a muttered string of “shit, shit, shit,” she ran toward the hole. Sure enough, the phone was face down on wet gray rock far below, the bright pink phone case just barely visible.
“Damn it!” she said, with feeling. Inside, it was nothing but sweet relief.
A twenty-foot drop onto a rock that was sure to be submerged any minute—her phone was toast. That had been too close for comfort.
Jasmine had been seconds away from uncovering Gabby Greene’s entire digital footprint.
She shouldn’t have even had the phone with her on the mission, but really, how else was she supposed to contact her kids?
Jasmine took a centering breath, one of those in-through-the-nose, out-through-the-mouth yoga breaths.
Gabby needed to learn how to do that.
Once again composed, Jasmine said, “That was nothing but karma. The universe righting itself after the interruption.”
If it hadn’t been clear before, it was now. Inner-G was a cult. The cell phone wasn’t just a disruption, it was contact with the outside.
“I’m so sorry,” Gabby said, kowtowing to Jasmine like she meant it. “I had no clue about the phone rule. We got in late last night, and this is my first activity. This is orientation, right?” She looked around with wide eyes and an innocent look.
Gabby knew how to play dumb.
“Now you know.” With a glance toward the abyss, she said, “I guess you don’t have to worry about that rule anymore. Let me tell you, the Big G would not be happy about this.” Jasmine shivered. “No phones. Ever. Do you hear me?”
For a moment, Gabby wasn’t sure if Jasmine truly cared about the rule or was just scared of G’s reaction. How bad was the man’s temper?
Then the weird moment was over. Jasmine’s red curls bounced, and she scanned the room with nothing but serenity. “Clearly, I need to start from the beginning.” She laughed lightly.
Gabby turned bright red and mouthed “sorry” again.
“To develop your Inner-G, you need to do a couple of things. First of all, you have to shut down the noise. No one can think in the constant dinging and ringing of society. Social media, scrolling, sound bites, phones, traffic. We are a society of interruptions and disruptions. ADHD is an epidemic in society, not because more people have focus and attention problems, but because we are not built for the world we have created. That is a core principle of Inner-G: Change the world, not yourself.” With a look at Gabby, she said, “That is why we need to get rid of phones.”
Did she have ADHD? Instagram kept sending her quizzes with blurry pictures, captioned If you see a dog when you look at this, you have ADHD. Gabby always saw the dog.
“Develop a mind-body connection.”
At least she didn’t have to be an athlete.
“Develop your connection to nature. Root your person to the earth itself like a tree and disconnect from the noise. Breathe with intention.”
Breathing and sitting—that sounded fine.
“The last and most important step of Inner-G is releasing secrets. If you keep secrets locked inside, they will chip away at your power, block the flow of energy. You cannot grow or transform while harboring secrets. You cannot become your best self, and you definitely cannot become a power couple if you are keeping secrets. Stop holding in toxic energy. Stop telling lies.”
Well, so much for that one. At this point, Gabby’s entire life was a tangled web of lies; the only thing holding it together was the secrets. But she could vouch for the secrets-being-bad-for-relationships thing. Valentina asking her to spy on Markus tied her stomach in knots.
“The first step to a better relationship with your partner and with yourself is purging secrets. You must develop a confessional practice.”
A confessional practice—it wasn’t very hard to figure out how Inner-G was collecting information to sell.
“The G-hut is a safe space. We’re going to go around the circle. I want each of you to share your greatest fear.”
What was this, Harry Potter? Professor Lupin was going to have them each cast a Patronus against their greatest fear? Kyle and Lucas both loved the Harry Potter movies.
She went to a quiet place in her mind, hoping the bell would ring before her turn. The women to her left piped up with, “Aging,” and, “My kids won’t need me anymore,” and, “Irrelevance,” and “Never making anything of myself.”
Then it was her turn. Gabby didn’t have an answer prepared. She was going to say, That I’ll never find the G-spot, but when Jasmine looked at her and the gong sounded, her fear spilled out like water from a pitcher.
“That I can’t do it all.”
Jasmine nodded. “Because you can’t.”