Chapter 67 #2
She just … she fucking replaced me. And worse, she erased me. Her new husband didn’t know who I was. Didn’t know she had a son. That I was a part of her life. That I existed. She told him about Carlos. About the son she lost. But she didn’t tell him about me.
Why?
I stumble past the entrance gates, my fingers fumbling for my phone. Typing out a quick message to Felix, I head for the sidewalk. I need some air. I need—I don’t know what the fuck I need. Air, space—anything to make sense of the chaos in my head.
Fuck.
I just need a minute. A goddamn minute to think. Or …
A delicate hand wraps around my bicep. “Gabriel,” Cecilia says, her voice cautious. She moves to stand in front of me, dark brown eyes lifted up to look at my face. “Are you okay?”
“Are you kidding me?” I bite out, jerking my arm away. “Do I look okay to you?”
Hurt flashes across her expression. “I’m sorry,” she stammers.
Pity and sympathy cloud her gaze, but I have no need for either emotion.
“I didn’t know this would happen. That your mom would—” She sniffs.
“I thought seeing her would be good for you. That maybe you two could patch things up. That you could find closure.”
She had no idea it would be like this. I scoff.
Bullshit.
I warned her. I told her this was a bad idea. I might have glossed over my reasons, but she knew I was against this. That I didn’t want to be here. I knew coming here would blow up in my face. I fucking knew it.
Cecilia’s eyes plead with me, asking for something I can’t give. “Gabriel–”
I lift up my hand. “Just leave me alone.” I can’t talk about this.
Not now. Not with her. Nor with anyone else for that matter.
Not in the state of mind I’m in right now.
I’m too close to the edge. My control on the verge of snapping.
I need her to walk away before I say something I can’t take back.
“I’m only trying to—”
A surge of anger rises inside my chest. ”Why?” I grip my hair in frustration. “You had no right before. And you have no right now. Why can’t you just leave this alone?”
She drops her gaze. But the dam has broken and I’m no longer able to halt my words.
They steamroll right out of my mouth. “We could have just left. That’s what I wanted.
I wanted to leave. But you—” I point an accusatory finger at her.
“You said we needed to congratulate them. That she’d be hurt if I didn’t at least say goodbye. ”
I throw my hands in the air. “Are you satisfied?” I ask. “It wasn’t enough that you convinced me to come here in the first place. I told you it was a mistake. Fuck! Cecilia. Why?”
She flinches, recoiling beneath the shroud of my anger. “I—”
“No,” I cut her off, my voice dripping with frustration.
“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want anything from you.
No apologies. No bullshit platitudes. Just leave me the hell alone.
I can’t even look at you right now.” I’m lashing out.
Even as I say the words, I know what I’m doing is wrong.
Blaming her. I’m just so pissed off, I don’t know how to stop.
A single tear escapes her defenses, tracing a path down her cheek.
I look away, hating myself for what I’m doing.
This isn’t her fault. This is on me. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew it would hurt. That something would go wrong. But she asked it of me and I caved because I wanted to be with her. I gave Cecilia this power over me when I handed her my heart. This ability to bend me to her ways.
“I didn’t mean—” she starts. Stops. Swallows hard and then tries again. “I was only trying to help,” she whispers.
“Yeah, well, I never asked for your help.”
“I know. And I’m sorry it’s just that—”
A car pulls up on the sidewalk beside us and Felix gets out of the driver’s seat. “You good?” he asks, the engine still running as he leans against the hood.
Cecilia’s brows twist in confusion.
“Yeah. Thanks for coming,” I tell him.
Felix nods. “I got you,” he says to me before turning his attention to Cecilia. He opens the passenger door for her. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”
Cecilia’s gaze flicks between us, her mouth tight with confusion. “But—”
I turn away and start walking in the opposite direction. I’m done with this conversation. Felix will handle things now. He’ll make sure she gets home safe.
“Gabriel!” she calls out.
“Let him go. He needs time to—” I don’t hear the rest of Felix’s words, but I feel Cecilia’s hand on me again, tugging at my dress shirt, her fingers pressing against my skin.
“Where are you going?” she asks, a thread of desperation in her voice.
I shake my head, refusing to look at her. I can’t answer her question because the truth is, I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I need to get away from here. From my mother. From Cecilia. From everyone.
“Just talk to me. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean for this—”
Something inside of me snaps and a coldness I’ve never felt before settles into my bones.
I grab her by both arms and press her against the side wall of the church.
A startled gasp slips free from her lips.
“You told me once to back off. That I couldn’t save you.
Remember that?” She flinches before offering me a barely perceptible nod.
I’m being a dick and I know I need to stop.
I need to rein myself in, but I can’t seem to stop myself from voicing my next words.
The ones I know will finally be enough to get her to leave me the hell alone. To push her away.
“Then stop trying to save me. I don’t want or need your help. Got it? You’re making shit worse.”
“But—”
“All I need is to be left the fuck alone, Cecilia. Get that through your head.”
“You don’t mean that.”
I laugh, the sound dark and brittle before I crowd into her space. “Yeah, I fucking do. And in case there is any confusion about where we stand, it’s over. I’m done.” I tear my gaze away from her. “I don’t want to be your fucking friend.”
My chest heaves with the effort it takes to move away from her. I don’t want to see the hurt on her face.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I doing this?
I can’t even answer the questions for myself.
“Gabe, please—” There’s a plea in her voice.
“You were right to let me go,” I tell her. “To push me away. I never would’ve had the strength to walk away from you on my own before.” Shaking my head, I let out a harsh laugh. “But it looks like today, I am.”