Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lila
The next week passes in a blur as I familiarize myself with the ship, spend time with both Link and Caspian, and avoid making any decision regarding Saxon.
Xavier is also surprisingly absent, as are my grandpas, but they explained that they were trying to get the new additions to Caspian’s act up to speed, as well as deal with the fallout of Saxon being incapacitated.
They mentioned another issue regarding the lightning cats, but they wouldn’t tell me about it.
Saxon’s clan did not take the news of his incapacitation well, and I was cautioned to stay far away from them and to not go anywhere alone, but Xavier’s absence means I have no protection if they decide to confront me.
His clan wants me to make a hurried decision and are resentful about the fact that I am not ready to.
I mean, I don’t blame them. I’m essentially keeping their friend in a coma while I work through my objections, but damn it, this is all new to me.
Magenta suggested that one side would be happy to make him bond me by force, ensuring his survival, but also that the two women would happily push me out an air lock in the hope that my death would bring his need for me to an end.
There’s a fifty-fifty chance that he would survive the loss.
I never got my gun lesson, so I slunk around the ship, wishing I had Xavier’s mist to hide myself in.
Eventually I became so paranoid, jumping at every bit of noise, expecting the Vilaxians to be around every corner, that I decided to stay within my own quarters for the remaining few days until our next show.
Caspian’s friend was moved to his own quarters before I had even returned from Link’s the next day, so I never did get to meet him.
They have all been too busy rehearsing for the Vegas show, but Caspian promised he’d introduce us the moment we got a chance.
Magenta has come to hang out with me a few times, which stopped me from going stir crazy, but mostly I’ve been thinking about Saxon and what decision to make.
Caspian and Link have been completely supportive and said they would abide by whatever I chose to do, but what it comes down to is that I can’t let the man die.
He can’t help that I’m not Vilaxian and don’t have the same need to seal our bond.
There would be something fundamentally wrong with me letting him die because I feel uncomfortable about something, and it’s not like he’s hard on the eyes.
You wouldn’t even need to twist my arm to get me to offer my neck up to him.
I’ve always been somewhat of a vampire slut, even before I knew they were real.
The door to my quarters slides open, and Link and Caspian walk in.
Both are busy chatting, so I take a moment to admire my men.
Link and I haven’t done anything else since that night, the whole Skarrian mating bond hanging over our heads.
Sex with Link was amazing, and it would be easy to fall into a sex marathon and find myself mated again, but I’m enjoying taking things slowly with him.
It’s completely different from my and Caspian’s mating, which has just fallen into such a natural rhythm it’s like we’ve been together for years.
I wonder if that’s because of the mate bond, and it makes me curious if the same thing is going to occur with Saxon.
But Saxon is going to have to wait. Vegas is our destination, and today is the day.
“Are you ready, babe?” Caspian asks when they notice me waiting for them to finish talking.
“God, yes. I can’t wait to breathe fresh air again and feel the sun on my face,” I reply, and my face must take on a wistful expression, because they exchange a worried look.
“Has it really been all that bad not being on Earth?” Link asks, his tone carrying the same worry as the look he exchanged with Cas.
I shake my head. “No, but I can’t deny I’m starting to go a little stir crazy being stuck in my quarters.
I wanted to explore the ship some more and get involved in some of the other acts.
I haven’t even seen the whole thing yet.
” I run my hand through my hair in exasperation.
“Constantly worrying that I’m going to be attacked is a nightmare, and I really shouldn’t have to be worried about that, for fuck’s sake.
It’s not normal.” I throw my hands up in the air and start pacing around.
Obviously I’m not as fine as I thought I was.
“I mean, what the fuck? I have been forced to stay in my room because two women are having a tantrum about not being the ‘chosen one.’ Too bad, so sad. If I were a Skarrian with powers, there wouldn’t even be a question of me being able to defend myself, but because I’m human and weak then I’m in danger.
Well, maybe we need to face the fact that may never change.
Maybe, just maybe, we need to accept that Fiona and Phillip are the best options to take over the circus, and I should just stay in the US when you all leave. ”
Fuck, that felt good to get off my chest.
Link’s mouth drops open in shock, but it’s Caspian’s reaction that makes me feel like a selfish bitch.
His face pales, and he flinches like I’ve physically slapped him, before his eyes flick to beast and back.
Now I feel like complete and utter shit.
We’re mated, so of course he’s not going to want to let me go.
“Oh, Cas, I would never leave you behind. You could come with me, and I’d find a new job in a bar.
Maybe we could stay in Vegas. I’m sure there’s a show where you would fit in, or you could stay home and be a house husband.
We’ve got three babies that are going to need someone.
” I hold my hand over my stomach, thinking about the possibilities.
A nice little white picket fenced place with me and Cas and our babies.
Sure, we’d have to teach them not to shift or tell anyone what they are, but we could do that.
“Is that really how you feel?”
When I look into his eyes and see the hurt in them, and the same emotion in Link’s gaze, I realize then and there that I could never leave them.
I shake my head and sink back onto the couch, wringing my hands in my lap.
“No, I really don’t, but it’s been a lot.
The circus, being an alien, and having no powers, and then the mating, the pregnancy, and my attraction to Link and Xavier, as well as being Saxon’s blood rose, not to mention the whole thing with the rapey dolphin and Dylan…
I feel like everything has been going at a rapid pace between my personal and professional life.
It just hasn’t stopped. I haven’t had anyone to talk to.
” They start to argue, but I hold up a hand.
“Or anyone who is unbiased. Magenta is great and all, but she’s Skarrian, and she just doesn’t understand my concerns.
” Something occurs to me, and I sit up, knowing the perfect way to solve my problem. “I need Susie.”
“Susie, your best friend?” Link asks, and I melt because he remembers.
“Yeah, Susie is my ride or die. We tell each other everything, and I think she’s just what I need. Do you think if I invite her to come visit in Vegas, and maybe bring Mark, that I could tell her everything and then have Xavier remove it all from her mind?”
I hate the thought of messing with my bestie’s mind, but I also understand that this information would be catastrophic in the wrong hands, and all it would take is for Susie to get loose lips after a few drinks with Mark or any of her other friends. She’d either be committed or we’d be hunted.
Nope. It’s better for all of us if Xavier does his thing.
They exchange another glance before Cas shrugs. “I don’t see why not, but it means you’re essentially lying to her. Can you do that?”
“I’m already lying to her now. At least this way I’m kind of telling her the truth, even if she doesn’t remember it.
I need her. Magenta’s great, and she suggested a girls’ night with Nixie, but I haven’t known them for very long.
No one gets the human side of me like Susie does, and I need to speak to her.
” Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to communicate what will help me get through this mental shitshow.
The guys crowd in on either side of me, Caspian wrapping his arms around my shoulders and Link taking my hand in his.
“Oh, babe, I’m sorry. We should have realized it was all too much. I can’t believe we didn’t recognize how overwhelmed you were feeling because you’ve been handling this all so well.” Cas sounds devastated and slightly panicked at my emotional overload.
“It’s okay, you’ve all been so busy the last couple of days, and that’s my fault too, as is Dylan leaving and Saxon’s absence.
And the grandpas have been dealing with the political fallout of those things and something to do with the lightning cats that no one has brought me up to speed on.
On top of that, I think Xavier’s lost interest. His mark on my shoulder is still there, but it’s lighter than it was.
I guess he decided that I was too much trouble, or whatever he saw in my mind wouldn’t meet his standards. ”
I worry my lip at the thought of what Xavier might have seen to cause him to pull back.
“Oh no, Lila. I promise that’s not the case,” Link assures me, and I see them exchange another look over the top of my head. I sigh, pulling away from them.
“This” —I gesture between the three of us— “is not going to work if we keep secrets. And I don’t do secrets.”