Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
maddox
I wake up in a panic, my body drenched in sweat and my pulse hammering. Tsuki sensed that I was upset and nuzzled her head against my chest to wake me up.
Ever since I saw Annalise and Lucas together, I’ve been restless. When I do manage to fall asleep, I have the same recurring nightmare that Lucas and Annalise are getting married.
When the officiant asks if anyone objects, I try to speak up, but no words come out—my entire body is paralyzed. I’m forced to watch him marry the love of my life and I can’t do a damn thing about it. I’m sick to my stomach envisioning Lucas living the life I want with her.
It’s dangerous being alone with my thoughts. I can’t get the images of them together out of my mind. When we were dating, Annalise would always reassure me that her relationship with Lucas was purely platonic. But seeing her on a date with him makes me wonder if she had feelings for him back then.
My phone buzzes on the bedside table and I grab it, seeing an incoming call from Veronica.
“Hello, Mrs. Zhang,” I answer. “How’s everything going?”
“Good morning, Mr. Kamado. Everything is going splendidly. I was wondering if you were coming by this week? Trang has the new designs ready and we are eager to show you what she came up with.”
“Sorry, I’ve been so busy with practice and games that I haven’t been able to stop by. I’ll swing by first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Okay. We look forward to seeing you, Mr. Kamado.”
The truth is I’ve been avoiding going to Dauntless because I don’t want to run into Annalise. I even contemplated pulling out of the collaboration. It would be hard seeing her every week knowing that she’s with someone else.
That night after dinner, Elijah suggested we go out to a club so I could find someone to hook up with. Several women approached me hoping I’d take them home, but I turned them all down.
The guys were all shocked, considering that falling into bed with women is how I usually deal with things, but I didn’t have an ounce of desire to be with anyone in that way.
I don’t need to have meaningless sex to help me numb the pain.
What I need is her.
I refuse to let these nightmares become a reality.
I need to win her back.
I pull my car into an empty parking space next to a rose-gold SUV and see Annalise inside. “Don’t Blame Me” by Taylor Swift is blasting on full volume.
I chuckle softly, watching her sing her heart out.
She glances to the side and catches me watching her. Her cheeks turn a deep shade of crimson before she shuts off the engine and climbs out of her car.
“Nice singing,” I tease.
“I was trying to unwind before work, but of course you had to ruin it.” She rolls her eyes, slamming her car door. “Don’t know why I’m not surprised. It’s typical for you to ruin things for me.”
“Are you referring to your little date with Lucas?” I ask, my voice tinged with bitterness.
“Yes, among other things. I don’t get why you can’t stand the fact that I’ve moved on. You did,” she says, her voice sharp. “At least that’s what the paparazzi photos of you and countless different women coming and going from hotel rooms seem to suggest.”
“It’s been weeks since I’ve hooked up with anyone, and none of those hookups ever meant anything to me.”
She claps her hands slowly, letting out a bitter laugh. “Congratulations, Maddox, you learned to keep your dick in your pants. If only you’d done that while we were together.”
I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“When are you going to believe me? I didn’t cheat on you.
I would never do that to someone I lo—” The word is at the tip of my tongue but I swallow it down, my cowardice taking over.
“Of all the people in San Francisco, you go for Lucas Hilton? The biggest fucking douche to ever walk the planet?”
“I don’t understand why you never liked him. He’s a good person.”
“Oh, don’t be so fucking dense, Annalise. He’s never been a good person. He’s been obsessed with you since high school and always tried to come between us.”
“There is no more us!” she snaps, her harsh words slicing through me. “So it doesn’t really matter that I’m spending time with him, does it?”
I step closer to her, my voice softening. “It matters because you deserve better.”
“And what exactly do I deserve?” She folds her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at me.
You deserve me.
I shove my hands into my pockets, biting back the words I want to say to her.
“Great. Now I’m late because of you,” she huffs, pushing past me.
I watch her as she crosses the parking lot and enters the building.
“Fuck!” I shout, slamming my hand down onto the hood of my car.
I need to stop being a fucking coward or else I’m going to lose her. To Lucas fucking Hilton, of all people.