Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
annalise
Abuelo gets discharged from the hospital a few days later and is sent home on hospice. Veronica allows me to take the rest of the month off. It’s without pay, but I want to make sure I’m by his side during his last moments.
It takes everything in me not to burst into tears when I’m around him. I want to stay strong for him, even though I feel like falling apart. I don’t want our last memories to be filled with sadness.
From morning to night, I stay by his side. He tells me stories about growing up in Cuba, and how he met Abuela.
He grows weaker with each passing day, his once-vibrant spirit fading like a dwindling flame. It’s heartbreaking to witness him wither away as the cancer takes over his body.
I get up from the bed in my old room and walk over to Abuelo’s room to check on him.
He’s already awake, lying in bed and reading the Bible.
“Buenos días, Abuelo.”
“Buenos días, mi rosa. Come on in,” he says. “I want to read this verse to you. It is my favorite one.”
Crawling into bed with him, I curl up beside him like I did when I was a kid. He begins to read the verse out loud.
“‘No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And every tongue which rises against you in judgment, you shall condemn.’ Every time the enemy poisons your mind with negative thoughts and uncertainty, or you are feeling weak, I want you to refer back to this verse,” he says, lifting his eyes to mine.
“Let it be a reminder that He will always be there to protect you against all harm.”
Shutting the Bible, he hands it to me with trembling hands. “This was Abuela’s Bible. I want you to have it.”
“Thank you, Abuelo.” I take it from him, holding it against my chest.
“His Word has helped me during my toughest times. It helped me cope with my diagnosis. I know that it can help you, too.”
Reaching over, he places his hand on top of mine. “My sweet granddaughter, continue to blossom like the beautiful rose you are, and promise me you’ll never stop chasing your dreams. Te amo mucho, mi rosa.”
I nod, my eyes brimming with tears. “I promise. Te amo mucho, Abuelo.”
Mom and Ollie walk in, and we all huddle together in bed.
Abuelo wraps his arms around mine and Ollie’s shoulders. “I am so blessed to be a part of this family. And you all are the greatest gifts I could ever ask for.”
Ollie rests his head on Abuelo and he sobs onto his chest. “I don’t want you to die, Abuelo. You can’t leave us. There’s still so much we need to do together. Still so much we need to talk about.”
I’m unable to stop the flood of tears from bursting through upon seeing Ollie break down.
Mom wraps her arms around her middle, to try to prevent herself from crying, but she breaks down as well. “We need you here, Papi.”
A single tear trickles down his cheek. “I’ll always be with you,” he whispers.
I can feel him slowly slipping away. His heartbeat slows, and his breaths become shallower and more ragged.
He draws in one final breath, and his heart stops completely.
I cry out in agony as he leaves this world and leaves me behind.
I had finally managed to escape from the relentless rip current I’d been caught in, and I was so close to reaching the shore, where happiness awaited. But now I’m being dragged back into the water, drowning and drifting away into the abyss.
Every day I wake up hoping this is a horrible nightmare, and that Abuelo is still alive and healthy. When I saw his cold, lifeless body in the casket, that’s when reality hit. This isn’t a nightmare—this is real. He lost his battle with cancer, and he is gone forever.
I’ll never get to argue with him again when he’s being overly stubborn, or go on strolls with him through Golden Gate Park during the springtime.
I hate this cruel world for taking him away from me. There was so much I wanted to do with him, but now I will never have that chance.
The days following his death were spent in bed. I would sleep even if I wasn’t tired, and would only leave to go eat or use the bathroom.
Now, Tsuki lays her head on my chest, letting out a whimper. I rub her soft head as I scroll through my phone, looking at pictures and videos of Abuelo.
I’ve been staying with Maddox for the last couple of weeks. Mazi and Serena have been texting me to check in, but I’ve been avoiding them.
I click on the video I recorded of Abuelo last year on his birthday, before he got sick.
Candles shaped like the number sixty-five are placed on top of the tres leches cake I made for him. He’s sitting at the table with a huge smile on his face as we sing “Happy Birthday” to him.
Sixty-five. That’s the age when most people retire and find the freedom to do whatever they want and spend more time with their loved ones. Abuelo only got to enjoy a few months of retirement before he was diagnosed with cancer.
My heart aches thinking about the life he could’ve had. He wanted to start traveling more—since he’d only traveled to a few cities in America and Canada after moving here from Cuba—and pick up gardening. But now he’s six feet under ground and only exists in my memory.
“Oh, Abuelo, I miss you so much.” I wrap my arms around Tsuki, sobbing onto her.
The sound of the front door opening and closing fill the quiet house.
Maddox appears in the doorframe with a duffle bag on his shoulder and carry-on luggage in his other hand. “Hi, Rosie.”
Tsuki’s head perks up and she leaps out of the bed to greet him, panting and wagging her tail excitedly.
His suspension is over now, and he just got back from Houston. The Phoenixes are still in the lead, but if the Dragons can win the next two games, they’ll move on to the finals.
I wanted to be there for him to support him, but I didn’t have it in me to go.
“Hi,” I reply flatly, my eyes staying glued to my phone. I open up the Instagram app and scroll through my feed.
He sets his duffle bag down and walks toward the bed, leaning down and giving me a quick kiss.
Pushing one of the pillows to the side, he sits down on the edge of the bed. “Do you wanna catch a movie tonight? I’ll suck it up and watch a scary one with you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t feel like watching a movie.”
“Do you want to go out to eat? Go bowling?” he asks, his voice hopeful.
“I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna be alone.”
He places his hand on top of mine. “Annalise, I know you’re hurting right now. But please let me take you out to get your mind off of things.”
I sit up straight in bed, yanking my hand away from him. “Are you trying to tell me I should just forget about him?”
“No. I would never tell you to forget about him,” he says, his brows dipping together. “The death of a loved one is not something you can easily move on from. I just want to put a smile on that beautiful face of yours.”
Anger swirls inside me. “You don’t understand how hard this is for me. You never will. You may not have the best relationship with your father, but at least he’s still around. Please stop forcing me to do things with you.”
His throat bobs. “You’re right. I’m sorry for pushing you to go out when you’re not ready.”
I don’t say anything to him, refocusing my attention back on my phone. A post from a gossip page, The Daily Tea, grabs my attention.
The first photo on the post is an image of Maddox and me in high school with the caption: “The real reason why they broke up.”
My body surges with heat when I swipe to the next photo and see an image of Charlotte. There’s a small paragraph next to the photo saying that we broke up because Maddox cheated on me with her.
“What the hell?” Maddox says, glancing at my phone. “This shit is getting out of hand. I’m going to hire a private investigator. This has to end.”
He continues talking, but I don’t hear him. Everything around me fades and all I can see is Maddox pounding into Charlotte. She moans his name as he grips her ass, driving himself deeper.
“You foolish girl. Falling for his tricks again.”
I shake my head, trying to push that negative voice out of my head.
No—he didn’t cheat on me. He loves me. He’s shown how much he cares about me. He would never hurt me.
“There’s no proof of his faithfulness to you. He’s a liar, just like your father. He’s going to continue to cheat on you and deceive you.”
I close my eyes, trying to drown out the voices, but they become deafening.
“No one will ever love you.”
“You are worthless. That’s why your father left you. Why your abuelo left you. Maddox will leave you, too.”
A chilling wave of ice courses through my veins, inching its way toward my heart and enveloping it in a frigid embrace.
“I have to go,” I say, pushing myself off the bed.
Maddox stares back at me, a look of confusion plastered on his face. “Where are you going?”
Ignoring him, I leave his bedroom and head to the entrance, grabbing my purse off the entryway table.
I head for the door but he gets to it first, his tall frame blocking me. “Is it because of that post?”
I slip on my sandals and sling my purse over my head. “Please let me leave.”
“God, you don’t know how sorry I am,” he says, placing his hands on my shoulders. “First the blackmail with the sex tape, now this. I hate that you are dealing with this because of me. I promise you I’m going to find a way to put an end to this.”
“How can I believe you’ll stay true to your promise, when you couldn’t even stay true to me?” I snap, my voice trembling with rage.
“What? Annalise, I love you more than anything in this world. I would never hurt you.”
He cups my cheeks, but I push his hands off me. “You must still be cheating on me now, hooking up with other women while you travel to different cities for your games.”
He shakes his head. “This is exactly what they want. To destroy us. We can’t let them win.”
“I should’ve spent more time with Abuelo these last few months,” I say, voice cold as steel. “But instead, I was spending it with you. I regret letting you back into my life.”
A world of hurt flashes across his face as my words cut through him like a blade.
He steps aside, his shoulders slumping as I open the door. I shut it behind me, sealing him off from my world once more.