CHAPTER ONE
EARLY AUGUST
“Dude, that was fun!” Tanner bounced along the sidewalk beside Leif as they followed a group of their fellow hockey players down Chicago sidewalk, heading toward the hotel after dinner.
Leif shot Tanner a sidelong glance. Did he ever just calm the fuck down?
He’d been like that all the way back when they’d played together in Juniors and it had driven Leif crazy. Nothing had changed since then. It was bad enough dealing with him in games now that they were both in the NHL. He was a mosquito flying around, an annoying buzz constantly in his ear.
But at least that usually ended after ninety minutes. This past week had been the longest of Leif’s life.
Leif had applied to this skills camp and been accepted before he found out Tanner would be there too. He’d come this close to canceling when he got the news.
But everyone said that Anders Lindholm’s camp was the best out there.
And well, if there was anyone that Leif wanted to emulate in addition to his own retired NHL star player father, it was Lindholm. Just being in his presence was enough to make Leif realize how much work he had ahead of him.
How much he needed to elevate his game.
Leif had taken every opportunity he had to ask Anders questions and pick his brain to learn what he could from his two decades of hockey experience.
It had been invaluable. So Leif couldn’t say he regretted coming.
Even if dealing with Tanner was a very annoying side effect. Sometimes medicine tasted unpleasant, after all. But it was worth it for the cure.
How exactly Leif had ended up walking back to the hotel with Tanner tonight he wasn’t entirely sure. That seemed to be just the way his luck went.
Today had been the final day of camp and they’d done a big farewell dinner before they all went their separate ways for the remainder of the summer.
Drinks had flowed freely and there had been shots passed around and while Leif rarely drank alcohol during the season, he’d allowed himself to enjoy it tonight.
Just one night in the off-season wouldn’t harm anything, right?
It had made him feel a little more relaxed. A little less tense. Perhaps that was why he’d walked a little slower than usual and had ended up toward the back of the group with Tanner.
The liquor didn’t seem to be relaxing Tanner. He was as loud and extroverted as ever. Annoyingly so, Leif thought with a roll of his eyes. He never stopped talking.
At the moment, Tanner was going on and on about what his plans were for the rest of the summer.
Like Leif cared that he was going to return to Massachusetts and go on vacation with his family and that oh shit, he’d just remembered he hadn’t gotten the presents he’d promised his little sisters …
“Pick something up at the airport tomorrow,” Leif said tiredly, hoping it would stop the torrent of words.
He really wondered how Tanner talked without breathing. Did he have gills somewhere that Leif hadn’t noticed? Was he able to extract oxygen from the air that way?
Leif glanced over. No, the skin on his neck was smooth. He had a, well, a rather nice neck if Leif was being honest.
Not that he’d ever paid any particular attention to Tanner’s neck but it was … well, he had a somewhat prominent Adam’s apple and there was something rather appealing about the spot where his throat met his jaw …
Leif shook his head. God, what was he thinking?
This was why he didn’t drink. He made stupid decisions when he was drinking around Tanner Clayton. Look what happened the last time—
“Shit yeah that’s a great idea, dude.” Tanner whacked his upper arm. “You totally saved my bacon there. I should blow you in thanks.”
Leif choked on absolutely nothing. “Excuse me?” he said hoarsely, his mind spinning back to the time he’d felt Tanner’s mouth on his dick. Hot and wet and …
“I mean, c’mon. Why not?”
“Why not what?” Surely Leif had heard him wrong. He had to have hallucinated that. It was the only explanation. Tanner couldn’t really mean for it to happen again.
“Why not let me blow you?” Tanner waggled his eyebrows.
Leif sighed. This was the ridiculous dance they did every time.
Tanner flirted and tried to pretend like they hadn’t wound up tussling in the locker room after the last time they drunkenly hooked up.
A memory flashed through Leif’s mind of Tanner under him, grinning up at Leif with blood smeared across his teeth from the split lip Leif had given him.
It had made Leif want to bite the spot and he’d been so horrified by the thought he’d frozen, gripping Tanner’s jersey in his fists until their coaches got there to pull them apart and lecture them about their behavior.
Like they didn’t get into it on the ice all the fucking time. Every game where the Rockets went up against the Harriers, there was some bullshit or other.
One of them did something, the other one blew up, and one—or both—of them ended up in the penalty box. Rinse. Repeat.
But any time they ended up at a league event—whether it was media day, the All-Stars competition, or something else—Tanner wanted to be besties. Like all had been forgiven and forgotten.
And sure, lots of guys were on rival teams but friendly off the ice. That wasn’t so weird.
But Leif’s dislike of Tanner went way beyond being divisional rivals. Way, way beyond.
Tanner had sewered Leif’s chances of getting drafted by the Boston Harriers. That wasn’t just something a guy got over, you know?
But now, Tanner continued, still grinning dopily. “I mean, it was pretty fucking hot the last time I got my mouth on—”
Alarmed, Leif glanced around.
Thankfully their group had moved on ahead some distance and Matt Carlson was talking loudly, probably drowning out anything Tanner had said.
But still …
Muttering angrily under his breath, Leif grabbed Tanner by the upper arm and tugged him into a nearby alley filled with restaurant garbage bins.
Then shoved Tanner up against the painted brick wall and pinned him in place.
The alley smelled about as vile as one would expect with the oppressive summer heat and lack of airflow making it fester into a soupy mess of disgustingness, but at least it would be slightly more private than the crowded sidewalk street.
“Oh, shit, really?” Tanner reached for Leif’s hips, tugging, trying to pull him close. “I didn’t think you’d go for it, dude, but hell yeah.”
Leif sputtered for a moment when he realized that Tanner had thought he was angling for public sex.
“No!” he finally managed, dropping Tanner’s wrists and pulling back far enough that Tanner couldn’t get any more ridiculous ideas. But he kept him caged between his body and the wall. Forcing him to focus. “God no. I was trying to get you to stop talking.”
Leif regretted the words immediately because Tanner’s eyes immediately lit up. Even in the shaded, dimmer light of the alley Leif could see that they were brown.
Of course, he’d known that before, but they were … they were quite a nice brown, if a person liked that color.
Which Leif obviously didn’t. He preferred blue eyes in the men he dated.
Or were Tanner’s eyes hazel? Leif wasn’t sure.
Tanner cackled, reaching out and playfully hooking a finger in Leif’s belt loop this time. “Do you remember when you finally figured out how to get me to stop talking?”
“I have no idea what you’re referring to,” Leif said stiffly. “I just didn’t want you blabbing anything about—about our history out where people could hear it.”
Tanner smirked and tried to tug him closer. Leif resisted. At this rate, the tug of war on his belt loop would rip it from the waistband.
It was worth the sacrifice to not let Tanner win.
“Yeah, about that history.” Tanner licked his lips. “Remember that night? That bottle of booze that someone smuggled in? Damn, we got so shitfaced. And when everyone else left, you got so fed up with me talking that you told me you’d give me something else to keep my mouth busy.”
Heat crawled up Leif’s neck and it wasn’t from the sultry summer air, sticky and oppressive and making his shirt cling to his back.
“It was a mistake,” Leif said firmly.
“Sure didn’t feel like a mistake when I was choking on your dick,” Tanner said with a crooked grin.
He had too. Jesus, he was loud about everything and sucking Leif’s cock had been no exception, sputtering and choking and making those sloppy noises …
Not that Leif had thought about it since then or anything.
It had stayed firmly locked away in the vault in his mind along with every other mistake he’d made in his life. Not forgotten, because he had to learn from them somehow, but sectioned off so they didn’t creep out to infect the rest of his brain.
The sensible parts.
“Yes, well, clearly you never learn from yours,” Leif pointed out.
“From my what? Oh, my mistakes?” Tanner shrugged. “Yeah, I dunno. I always figure everything happens for a reason. So there really are no mistakes. Just choices that determine your destiny.”
He said the last part grandly and Leif scoffed. He really didn’t need a lecture on personal life philosophies from Tanner Clayton of all people.
And now he was going on and on about it, about letting life just … come at him as it pleased.
Trying to keep him on track would be a full-time job, Leif thought. Thank fuck it’ll never be me who has to worry about it.
“Anyway,” he said tightly, cutting off Tanner’s nonsense. “I would appreciate it if you would stop bringing that night up. Or from suggesting it ever happen again.”
“You have not gotten any more fun over the years, have you?” Tanner said, shaking his head. “You need to loosen up, babe.”
“I am not your babe,” Leif said through gritted teeth.
He could feel his pulse pounding in his temple the way it always did when Tanner got going.
“Hmm.” Tanner’s tone turned saccharine. “What would you prefer? Honeybun? Sweetie pie? Pookie bear? Lovebug? Pumpkin pie …”
Tanner’s voice turned to static in Leif’s head as he fought the white-hot urge to wrap his fingers around Tanner’s neck and squeeze. Surely that would make him finally stop talking.