CHAPTER ONE #3
When Leif looked back at Tanner, he couldn’t really see him, and he had to blink away the afterimages of the sun.
But as his vision cleared, it hit him what they’d done. How stupid it had been.
What if someone had seen them? What if someone had taken a photo, or worse, a video? Hadn’t that happened to Nico Arents and August Manning a few years ago?
What if they ended up on JockGossip?
A shiver went down Leif’s spine at the thought of this encounter ending up on the sports gossip site, but this time it left him with a cold sweat. What had he done?
“Oh fuck,” he whispered.
Tanner sighed noisily. “Oh my God, dude, you are so predictable.”
“What are you talking about?” Leif snapped, his hands shaking as he tucked his cock away. It was still a little sticky, but at least most of the cum had ended up in Tanner’s hand.
“The second you nut, you get the regretskies.”
Regretskies? Leif wondered. Ugh. Probably some stupid slang Tanner had just invented and was convinced was brilliant.
It took Leif three tries to get his linen shorts buttoned.
He glanced nervously back toward the sidewalk, but it only had the effect of blowing out his vision again. As he blinked at Tanner, his vision returned enough to see him wipe his messy hand on the side of his unbuttoned short-sleeved shirt.
“Gross,” Leif said with a curl of his lip. That was disgusting.
Tanner shrugged and worked the shirt off, wadding it up. “Well, I had to use something. We both blew our loads in my hand, and I couldn’t just walk around like that.”
“Would you keep your voice down?” Leif hissed.
It was bad enough they’d done it. Did Tanner really have to talk about it?
Tanner rolled his eyes, walked over to the small dumpster, and lifted the lid. “Oh my God. You are so uptight.”
“Are you throwing away your shirt?” Leif asked.
Tanner held it out toward him. “Why? Do you want a souvenir?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Then what do you care?”
“It’s wasteful!”
“Dude. You make a bajillion dollars. Why are you worried about my shirt?”
“Fine,” Leif snapped. “Do whatever you want.”
“I will.” Tanner chucked the shirt in on top of whatever disgusting things were wafting out horrible smells and let the lid drop with a clang.
He sauntered back to Leif, tucking his tank top into his shorts. “Ta-da! Now no one can tell what we were up to. Next time, you should bring wet wipes or something.”
“Next time?” Leif sputtered, making sure his collar was straight. “There will be no next time. I’m not doing this with you again. I’m not.”
“That’s what you said the last time.”
“I mean it,” Leif said roughly. “This is it. Never again.”
Tanner smirked. “You sure about that?”
“Yes, I’m sure!” Leif swallowed past the dryness in his throat. “Do we really have to go through this every time? We hooked up once—”
“That would be twice now, actually,” Tanner said with a grin, fiddling with the bracelets he wore. “No takesie-backsies.”
“That first time was the biggest mistake of my life,” Leif snapped. “And tonight wasn’t much better.”
“I had fun.” Tanner shrugged.
“Of course you had fun,” Leif snarled, his anger reigniting.
“You always have fun. You go around doing whatever the fuck you feel like, and you never think about how it could impact anyone else, do you? I don’t even know why they invited you to this camp.
You’re a fucking shitty player and you wouldn’t have even made it to the NHL if it wasn’t for your stepdaddy. ”
Hurt flashed across Tanner’s face for a brief second before it smoothed away. “Ugh, are we back to that again?” he said, looking away. “Boring. Come up with a new chirp, dude.”
“No,” Leif snapped. “I won’t. Because it’s true. You can deny it all you want but you’re a fucking disgrace. You’re more concerned about getting your dick wet than playing well. You fuck around with everyone just like your father. How many people have you cheated on, huh?”
Tanner narrowed his eyes. “No one! I don’t—I’ve never cheated on anyone. They all know what they’re getting into. Unlike you, I know how to unclench my asshole and actually enjoy my life.”
“Yeah, just like your mom, huh? Sleeping with the coach to get her baby a spot on the team,” Leif taunted. “Sluttiness must run in the family, and you got it from both sides.”
Tanner bellowed and shoved Leif away. “You don’t talk about my mom that way!”
Leif staggered, trying to regain his balance, but he slipped on something, stumbling back until he hit the side of a dumpster with a metallic clang.
He saw red, lashing out again. “Oh, you don’t want me to call her a—”
“I swear to God, if you finish that, I will end you,” Tanner said, stalking forward and grabbing the front of Leif’s shirt and shaking.
His normally cheerful face was filled with anger now. Leif felt a moment of regret for what he’d said.
And fear.
Tanner was two inches shorter than him, but he was also strong and scrappy, and Leif had seen him take down bigger guys than him on the ice.
And they had no padding on right now. One wrong shove or bad hit could torpedo both their careers.
The blare of a horn out on the street made them both jerk and Leif used to the opportunity to shove Tanner away.
“I mean it, Clayton. I’m not doing this again. I refuse,” he spat, turning to leave. He didn’t like the person he turned into around Tanner Clayton.
“Coward!” Tanner called out after him. “You know arguing with me gets you hot.”
Leif ground his teeth together hard enough to make his jaw ache and kept walking, smoothing down his shirt. It was all rumpled from where Tanner had grabbed it.
I won’t let him goad me into anything else, Leif promised himself as he tucked in the fabric with shaking fingers. I’ll go somewhere and cool off, and I won’t have to see him again until we play the Harriers next season.
The thought was calming and he dragged in a few breaths to steady himself.
As he reached the mouth of the alley, he squinted at the brightness of the sun, debating for a brief second before he turned right.
“Hey, where are you going?” Tanner called after him. “Hotel’s back the other way.”
“I’m … tell the guys I had something to do,” Leif choked out. “I’ll meet them at the hotel later, okay? I just need … I need some air.”
He said that like there wasn’t air all around them—as choking and stinking as it might be. But he couldn’t breathe with Tanner around.
He never could breathe with Tanner around. He consumed all of the oxygen around them both. He made Leif lose his cool. Lose his head.
Hell, he’d made Leif lose his shot at being drafted by Boston.
Not that Leif was unhappy playing for New York. Far from it. But he would never forget the way Tanner had fucked him over. The way Tanner’s fun had torpedoed every plan that Leif had for his future.
“Coward!” Tanner repeated, laughter in his voice this time. “You’ve always been a coward, you stupid-ass, Viking-named ice princess! You know you want me.”
Leif didn’t look back as he left the alley to the sound of Tanner’s laughter, mocking him as he wove through the crowd leaving the nearby theater, desperate to get away from the reminder of the way he’d lost control.
Tanner seemed to know that Leif was always hanging on by a thread. That every time they argued he came this fucking close to kissing him.
He knew Leif was afraid if he was alone with Tanner again, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
That sooner or later, he’d give in.
Again.