CHAPTER SIXTEEN #2
“I dunno.” Tanner plucked at the hem of his sweats again. “Would you?”
“No.”
“Well, I am sorry I was kind of all over the place earlier,” Tanner said. “I mean, I came in here late, talking a mile a minute, and probably stressing you out. Thanks for helping me chill out. I’m usually fine but tonight I—I didn’t want to let you down.”
“Let you down? Why would you let me down?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes—sometimes I’m too annoying or too … whatever. People get tired of me.”
“It’s been ten years, Clayton. Clearly, I’m not going anywhere.”
Tanner grinned, oddly relieved. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good to know, Princess.” Tanner deflated a little. “I am sorry I ruined the mood.”
Leif gave him a blank look.
“We—we had plans for our usual, right? Getting each other off.”
“Well yeah,” Leif said. “But if you’re not in the mood, it’s fine.”
“I could get there,” Tanner protested.
“Sure,” Leif said. “But we could also just have a night like we did at the tournament.”
“What? Stuffing ourselves and watching a movie?”
“I was thinking mostly the movie and no sex part, but yeah.”
“We both know sex makes me feel better.”
“If you want that, that’s fine,” Leif said slowly. “I just think maybe it’s okay if you figure out stuff that makes you feel good that isn’t sex. Not that it’s my place to—”
Tanner sighed. “No, I get what you’re saying. We can try it?”
“Okay. So what movie are we watching? Last time was your pick so I think we should go with my pick this time …”
“What?” Tanner squawked. “It was not my pick last time.”
“It totally was!” Leif protested.
They argued for a few minutes before they finally settled on The Mighty Ducks.
Leif made a crack about that being the only part where their Venn diagram of movie tastes overlapped, but Tanner didn’t know what the fuck a Venn diagram was.
Leif sighed and explained it, then finally told him to do an online search.
“Oh, yeah!” Tanner said when he pulled up pictures. “The overlapping circle things! I know those.”
Tanner got all set up with some pillows and his laptop—Leif even reminded him to plug it in so it wouldn’t die halfway through—and when Tanner settled on his side, one earbud in to listen to Leif, one earbud out to listen to the movie, he released a contented sigh.
“You were right.”
Leif grinned. “I feel like I need to record this because it might never happen again.”
“Shut up,” Tanner muttered.
“Why? Am I right?”
“This is nice,” he said quietly. “What I needed.”
“Better than sex?”
Tanner scoffed. “Well, I don’t know about that.”
After Leif ended the call, he glanced at the time and frowned. It was late. He should be getting to bed soon. Sleep was an important part of his recovery. But something had been nagging at him since his conversation with Tanner started.
He grabbed his MacBook and brought up a browser. He opened multiple tabs and typed in the following:
ADHD symptoms
ADHD symptoms in adult men
How to cope with ADHD without medication
How to support someone with ADHD
Supporting someone you care about with—
Leif stopped partway through the last one, wondering what had made him type that. He didn’t care about Tanner Clayton.
The sudden uneasy squirming in his stomach told him that might be a lie. That it was a lie. Because of course he cared about Tanner.
He thought about what Tanner’s mom had said and grimaced. Not like that. But he did care about him. Obviously. Tanner was his—his friend now.
He’d meant what he’d said earlier. They’d known each other for ten years now. That meant something. And sure, he’d found Tanner annoying and exasperating. And he didn’t think his desire to smash Tanner through the boards when they played against each other was going to change.
But he also understood Tanner better. And he thought that maybe he could help him.
Leif opened a spreadsheet and set up a small table where he could organize his findings. He went through each result carefully, taking notes.
It wasn’t until a jaw-cracking yawn broke through his focus that he glanced up to see that it was late. Nearly two in the morning. He had a lot of data, but he hadn’t really broken it down yet.
Well, he thought with a wry smile as he saved the file, shut down his MacBook, and got up to put it away and get ready for bed, Tanner wasn’t kidding about fucking up my routines.
As Leif climbed into bed a short while later, he felt a wave of anxiety go through him. What if it did fuck up his routine? What if he didn’t play well tomorrow?
But he’d learned that thinking about that just sent him down a further spiral of worry, so he turned out the lights, did some breathing exercises, then some EFT—Emotional Freedom Technique—tapping and repeating the phrases his therapist had given him to calm himself.
By the time he was done with the gentle acupressure and verbal reminders, his mind was quieter and he felt a wave of tiredness go through him.
Hopefully Tanner would sleep well tonight too. He’d seemed a lot calmer by the time the movie was over and they ended their call.
As Leif’s breathing evened out, his mind growing hazy with sleep, he rolled onto his side and reached out, half expecting to find Tanner there.