CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“Oh, thank fuck,” Tanner muttered when Leif’s call finally came in later that evening.
Mickey frowned at him and nudged him with his elbow, probably telling him to shut up.
The team was in Florida, watching a movie in Mickey and Rafe’s room. Tomorrow they’d play game one against the Miami Tides.
Tanner scrambled off the bed, nearly kicked Erik Wyatt in the head because he was camped out on the floor beside the bed—muttered an apology, and finally made it outside into the hall.
Thankfully, his phone was still vibrating, so he accepted the call, pacing as he waited for it to connect.
“Hey,” Leif said.
“Hey,” Tanner echoed. “How are you doing?”
Leif sighed. “Still sad. Still hate the way the season ended. But better, I think?”
“Good.”
“Thanks for—for giving me space.”
“Of course,” Tanner moved down the hall, away from the door. “I love you, Princess.”
“You really do, don’t you?”
“Fuck yes.” Tanner smiled at the wall. “Did you just figure that out?”
He could almost hear Leif shrug. “Well, you actually giving me space when I needed it even though it was probably hard for you made it stick, I think.”
“Good. Thanks for the proof of life pics. I wanted to be sure you weren’t going to throw yourself off the Empire State Building or something.”
“It’s not even the tallest building in New York. You know that, right?” Leif asked.
Tanner laughed because it was such a Leif thing to say. “No, I literally know nothing about New York except for what I see on TV or when we’re visiting for games.”
“I’d really love to show you my city,” Leif said with a sigh.
“Yeah?” Tanner asked, leaning against the wall.
“Yeah. Once—once you’re, uh, done with the postseason.”
“I’m hoping that’ll take a while,” Tanner admitted. “Not that I don’t want to see you, but …”
“No, I get it.”
They were both silent for a moment. Tanner looked down at his feet, realizing he had a hole in one of his socks.
“Maybe for the final round you could—you could come to some of the games?” Tanner offered.
“Wouldn’t it be weird? Wouldn’t people notice?”
“Uhh, dude,” Tanner said. “Your dad is one of our coaches. I really don’t think they’ll be that weirded out by you coming to cheer for your family. They don’t have to know you’re cheering for me too.”
“You assume I’m going to cheer for you. Maybe I won’t.”
Tanner laughed so loudly that it echoed down the hall and he clapped a hand over his mouth to stop it. When he’d finished giggling, he said, “You fucking better cheer for me, Princess.”
Leif sounded like he was smiling when he said, “If it’s not the Rockets, I guess it should be you guys.”
“You guess,” Tanner scoffed. “Don’t even pretend like you wouldn’t be happy for me.”
“I would be,” Leif said, his voice weirdly earnest. “I would be happy for you. Even though I’m still sad for me.”
“Hey, it wasn’t your year,” Tanner said softly.
“And that sucks. And I know—I know it’s easier for me to snap out of it.
It’s always been easier for me, I think.
But I might not be very smart about a lot of things outside of hockey but the one thing I know for sure is that the best way to get over being sad for myself is to be happy for someone else. ”
“Don’t put yourself down,” Leif said. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, you know?”
“Yeah?” Tanner asked.
“Yeah. For sure.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I have to admit though, the being happy for someone else bit totally feels like something your mom would say.”
Tanner giggled again, mostly because he was so relieved that things were getting back to normal for them. “It totally is.”
“But the proof of life pics, that was all you, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Tanner dragged his toe along the carpet again.
“Well, it meant a lot to me that you—that you got me that way. That you knew how to ask for what you needed while still giving me space.”
“I’m glad.” Tanner hesitated. “Hey, uh, speaking of my mom, I’d kinda like to tell her about us.”
“Yeah, of course. You’re okay that I told Nicky and Ian about us, right?”
“Yep,” Tanner said. “Definitely. How’d that go, anyway?”
“Pretty good. Nicky’s pretty excited about the idea of you coming to the Rockets.”
“Leif, I don’t—I don’t know anything for sure,” Tanner said.
He glanced around to be sure no one was close enough to overhear him, then lowered his voice.
“I haven’t even talked to my agent or Gavin yet.
Fuck, I’ve still got two rounds to go. I get that you—that you want me there in New York and I want that too but … ”
“But what?”
“But I think,” Tanner said slowly, because this was still coming together in his head. “I think I need to focus on the Harriers right now. These guys—they’re my team. They’re everything to me. I can’t have one foot out the door when we’re about to face the best teams in the league, you know?”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“So, I’m not saying that I don’t want to think about playing with you someday, or what our future could be like. But for now, I really need to be a hundred percent focused on what I can do with the Harriers, you know?”
Leif was silent long enough that Tanner had to bite his lip to keep from jumping in to explain what he meant, to smooth it over if what he’d said had upset Leif, but a moment later, Leif sighed.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. You should focus on your team for now.”
“But I still want you there to cheer me on in the final round,” Tanner said. “Is that okay? Are you good with that?”
“Yeah. Maybe I’ll see if Mom wants to come with me or something.”
“That sounds fun. Are you going to tell her about us?”
“If you want me to.”
“I want you to,” Tanner said confidently. “Silje Vang should know that she’s getting a totally hot son-in-law someday.”
Leif made a choking noise.
“Shit!” Tanner said, smacking his forehead. “I dented you again.”
“Uhh, I’m okay,” Leif said, although he sounded a little dazed. “But you’re the one getting ahead of things now.”
“How about this?” Tanner said with a smile. “For the next couple of weeks, we’ll pretend it’s just like it was a month ago. We’ll get on camera and jerk off together and nothing else. No talk about the future. Just having sexy times now.”
“It’s always about sex for you, isn’t it?” Leif said in that voice that made Tanner know he was rolling his eyes.
Tanner shrugged. “I mean, kinda. I told you I play better when I’m getting off regularly.”
“Well, wouldn’t want to fuck up your playing,” Leif said drily, although he sounded like he was trying to hold back a laugh now.
“Seriously!” Tanner said. “Priorities, babe. I should go though. Call you a little later after I get back from movie night with the boys?”
“Yeah, sounds good. I love you.”
“I love you too, Princess,” Tanner said with a smile.
He hung up and knocked quietly on the door to Mickey and Rafe’s hotel room.
Rafe let him in with a frown and Tanner tiptoed in after him. The room was dark and the movie was still playing, thankfully.
Something came flying through the air from where Crawford sat and Tanner smiled, batting it away. It was a pen, because for some dumb reason he always thought that braining Tanner with one was a good idea. Like anyone on the team needed to be any more banged up than they already were.
Half the guys in the room had ice packs on some part of their body or the other and the air smelled like a weird mix of cologne and icy-hot.
Tanner made it over to the bed without stepping on Erik, then snuggled in between Jesse and Graham. Jesse slung a friendly arm over his shoulder. On his other side, Connor looked over at them and gave them a faint, tired smile.
Tanner was really glad Connor finally knew that Tanner was no threat. Tanner didn’t want Jesse and he hadn’t in a long time. He just wanted his pretty-faced Viking-named Norwegian man.
But they’d have their time together eventually and for now, all Tanner wanted to do was sink into the nice feelings of being surrounded by his boys.
By his team.
For a moment, Tanner closed his eyes and just soaked it all in. He had no idea how long any of this would last and he didn’t want to miss out on a single second of it.