CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
The next three days were a huge fucking blur for Tanner.
There was dancing and drinks at O’Neill’s.
A private celebration and then a public one.
There was a trip to the animal shelter to put puppies and kittens in the Cup and a parade with what felt like the entire city of Boston cheering for them, and it all blurred together into a gorgeous mess of noise and joy.
There were glimpses of Leif in the middle of it all. Hazy memories of Leif soaping him in the shower and tucking him into bed for a nap before he had to be up again for the next event.
There was food and liquor and electrolytes and water and laughter and music and Tanner couldn’t remember the last time he felt so good.
Sometimes, he felt a little guilty for abandoning Leif, for reminding him of his own loss.
Tanner wished he could share the celebration with Leif. He wished that he could have him on the float at the parade and kiss him in public, but he seemed happy hanging back, kept promising Tanner that he was good just like this, kept reminding him to savor the moments.
So Tanner did his best.
He had vague memories of dancing in a fountain with Jesse and Kady, laughing until his ribs ached and he got the hiccups.
He remembered kissing Jesse on the cheek, over and over, big, sloppy wet kisses as he told him he was the bestest goalie in the whole wide world until Connor pulled him off with a growl and planted a big kiss of his own on Jesse’s lips to claim him.
Tanner remembered seeing his family and waving to them in the crowd, so happy his heart felt like it would burst.
It was the happiest blur he’d ever experienced and when he finally came to, he was sprawled on the couch in the basement of Catherine and Declan O’Shea’s house, with his head in Leif’s lap. Leif was feeding him grapes and cheese.
Tanner sighed happily and looked up at him, smiling. “Hi, Princess.”
“Hi.” Leif smiled back. His nose was a little sunburned and Tanner realized his own face felt a little hot, like he’d gotten too much sun too. “How are you feeling?”
Tanner checked in with his body. He was tired and hungry and sore and a little hungover but mostly happy. “Good,” he said truthfully. “You?”
“Good.”
He certainly looked good. He was dressed in a nice blue linen button-down shirt and his hair looked very shiny and gold in this light and Tanner felt a little dizzy thinking about the fact that he was Tanner’s.
At least, Tanner hoped so. The grapes and cheese were a good sign, right?
“Did I do anything stupid in the last few days?” he asked, suddenly worried.
Leif wound one of Tanner’s curls around his finger. “Yep. Lots of things.”
“Anything so stupid you don’t love me anymore?” Tanner whispered, rolling onto his side. He was kind of afraid that maybe he’d returned to his old ways and made out with random people or something.
“Never,” Leif said with a smile and the word came so quickly and easily that Tanner sighed with relief and burrowed against him, pressing his face against Leif’s flat stomach, the scent of his cologne and the feel of the fabric warmed by his skin so, so comforting.
“Did I do anything my agent is going to be pissed at?” Tanner asked when he pulled back, because he really wasn’t sure what he was going to find when he grabbed his phone.
If it was even charged. Although knowing Leif, he’d taken care of all that for him.
“Mmm, I don’t know that your agent is going to love that you put a coconut bra on, hung off a light pole screaming that you were a monkey and that someone needed to get you a banana, but otherwise, I think you’re okay,” Leif said with grin.
“Phew.” Tanner flopped onto his back again and Leif started petting his hair again. “That’s not so bad.”
Dakota walked by them carrying what looked like a Bloody Mary and smirked. “You did hit on your GM a few times, however.”
“What?” Tanner asked, alarmed. He sat up and looked at Dakota in horror. Half the team was sprawled out across the couches and chairs, and they looked more or less alive.
“He did not,” Gavin said with a snort from where he was sprawled in a big armchair. He was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt and sandals. Wild. He looked so much more relaxed than usual. “You were fine, Tanner. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t listen to Gav, Tanner. You kept telling him that you needed him to always work shirtless,” Dakota pointed out, laughing. “And begging Thad to take his shirt off too so you could prove they have identical abs.”
“Whoops,” Tanner said. “Uhh, sorry everyone?”
Connor snorted. He was propped up by pillows, and his arm was in a sling. He’d probably go in for surgery next week. Right now he looked tired but happy. “It’s still not as bad as what Jesse did with Toronto. You’re fine.”
“Yeah, but that got me traded here, didn’t it?” Jesse said with a laugh as he bent to give Connor an upside-down kiss. “So maybe you should be grateful.”
“True. Can’t be mad about that,” Connor agreed.
“We’re really okay though?” Tanner asked Leif as he settled back onto his lap.
Leif smiled at him. “We’re really okay, monkey boy.”
“Oh!” Tanner grinned at him. “You gave me a nickname. FINALLY.”
“You were waiting for one?” Leif asked, looking amused.
“Duh,” Tanner said. “They’re the best.”
He squinted down at the shirt he was wearing. It was covered in … something that looked like it used to be food and maybe beer—hopefully beer—and frowned. “Hey. Where did these come from?”
They said RAINbrO in colorful text.
“The shirts?”
“Yeah.”
“A box in your bedroom?” Leif said with a confused look.
“Ohhh, right,” Tanner said, remembering. “I ordered them for the Boston Pride Parade, but I must have busted them out early.”
“Good thing too,” Jesse said, walking by with a plate.
Tanner reached out and filched a mini quiche from it. Jesse smacked his hand, but Tanner popped the food in his mouth and chewed aggressively. He wasn’t getting it back now!
“Why good?” Tanner asked, his voice muffled by the food. He inhaled a little and nearly started choking.
“Because you never would have gotten Luke drunk enough for Pride to wear one,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “But during a Cup celebration …”
“Oh yesssssss,” Tanner said, still coughing a little. “I cannot wait to see the pictures.”
From one of the nearby couches with a pillow over his face, Crawford stuck his middle finger up.
Tanner cackled.
After that, everyone went quiet for a little while before Leif got up to get more food and drinks for them both.
Tanner was busy stuffing his face when Gavin cleared his throat. “So, guys, I know we’re going to do exit interviews in a couple of days but before everyone goes their separate ways for the season, I want to talk to you about Darla.”
The room abruptly went silent and even Luke tossed aside the pillow and sat up. He looked rough. Hungover mountain man on a bender. In a RAINbrO shirt. So good.
“Jeez, Gav. Way to harsh the mellow,” Tanner muttered.
“I know. But we can’t ignore it.” Gavin looked around. “Tom, I know you didn’t want to discuss the Darla situation while we were celebrating, but have you made plans to talk to someone yet?”
“Like a therapist?” Tom asked.
“Like a therapist,” Gavin said.
“Brie and Mandy and I have been talking about it. And I made an appointment for Tom and I for next week,” Krista said, dragging her nails across the back of Tom’s head.
His eyes slid half-closed but he nodded. “Yeah, we’re gonna take care of it.”
“Good,” Gavin said firmly as he glanced around the room. “It can’t hurt all of you to talk to someone.”
“I told everyone to play Tetris after!” Tanner said proudly.
Gavin squinted at him. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Tetris,” Tanner said. “There are studies proving that if you play Tetris after a traumatic event, it like, fixes everything.”
Dakota frowned. “Tanner, I don’t think—”
“It doesn’t fix everything,” Leif said with a sigh. “What I told him was that it helps prevent PTSD by reducing intrusive memories. It rewires the hippocampus.”
“The hippowhat?” Tanner asked.
“Hippocampus.” He tapped the side of Tanner’s head above his ear. “It’s deep in there.”
“Are we sure Tanner has one?” Jesse joked.
Tanner grabbed a pillow and lobbed it at him, but it only made it a few feet and landed with a soft thump in the middle of the carpeted floor.
“Pretty sure,” Leif said with a laugh. “Anyway, there are studies saying that playing Tetris after trauma helps prevent the brain from storing those memories where they can become intrusive and damaging.”
“Huh,” Gavin said.
“Uhh, I hate to tell you this, Clayton,” Anker said. “But your boyfriend is too smart for you. Even if he is a Rocket. Uh, no offense.”
“Yeah, a man rocket,” Tanner said gleefully because everyone knew his boyfriend was smoking hot. “And too late. Offense already taken.”
“I was talking to him,” Anker said drily.
Tanner stuck his middle finger up. “Well, I told everyone to play Tetris, so I should get some credit.”
Gavin cleared his throat. “Well, Tetris is great, guys, but I strongly suggest you all seek therapy. You can see the team therapist or someone outside of the organization. Whatever you’re more comfortable with.”
“And I want you to know how sorry I am,” Tom blurted out.
“For what?” Tanner asked.
“For bringing someone like that into your lives—”
“Oh fuck no,” Connor said. “I don’t want to hear you apologize, man.”
“I’m the reason she was even around.”
“If we want to get technical, I’m the one to blame,” Krista said quietly. “I met her first.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Connor said. “Neither of you are the problem. She’s … not. She’s not well. I think we can agree on that, right?”
Everyone nodded.
“She needs help. But you didn’t see that coming. You did everything right once you saw signs that she was having fucking issues. You told management in L.A., you told people here.”
“I know but …” Tom looked down. “I hate that it gives the poly—uh, polyam community a bad rap.”