EPILOGUE
SEPTEMBER
“Dude, we are killing it already!” Tanner said, bumping gloves with Ian Salter as they left the ice after a captains’ skate.
They’d had a couple of informal practices already and it hadn’t taken long for Tanner and Salty to click.
Ian grinned back. “We sure are.”
The season was about to start and Tanner was pumped.
It had been a fun, interesting summer. There’d been crazy Cup celebrations and parties everywhere, and Tanner and Leif had taken a trip to Europe. They’d trained together in Norway for a while, vacationed in Italy, then went to Anders’ skills camp in Evanston together.
He’d spent some time with Leif’s parents this summer too. Silje had sounded a little disappointed when they’d told her they were planning to keep their relationship out of the public eye for now.
“But think of the brand deals!” she’d said. “I know there are companies who would salivate over you two.”
Not that she was the mom-ager type or anything.
Leif had his own manager and Tanner had one now too. Everything in New York seemed to be a much bigger deal than it had been in Boston, but whatever. Tanner wasn’t opposed to using his face and body to make more money.
Aksel had accepted the head coaching position for the Rockets, so Tanner would still be seeing lots of him, which was pretty cool.
Some other interesting trades had happened in the off-season too, so Tanner had a good feeling about the upcoming season with the Rockets.
He glanced over at Leif now to see him nodding at something Nicky said. Leif was shirtless, sweat trickling down his neck and shining on the freckles he’d picked up during their summer in Italy.
Tanner forced himself to look away. He couldn’t get caught staring.
They’d agreed to keep their relationship secret from the team for now. At least until they figured out the shit in the locker room.
They’d talked about it a lot, weighing the pros and cons. Leif had even made spreadsheets. But in the end, they’d agreed it made sense to take it slow. Work on the vibes before they risked anything.
Honestly, Tanner was kinda into the secrecy anyway. It was sorta … thrilling to know they were sneaking around behind everyone’s back.
Well, not everyone. Nicky and Ian knew they were together. But no one else.
“Hey, you planning to shower eventually?” Ian asked now, snapping Tanner from his thoughts about the summer.
“I guess I should hose off, huh?” Tanner said with a laugh as he chucked his sweaty undershirt in the wash bin.
He’d gotten a little better about cleaning up after himself after spending a good chunk of the summer with Leif. It turned out it did help to know they were both neurodivergent.
The psychiatrist Tanner had met with had grimaced when he saw Tanner’s results and talked to him about his experiences growing up.
“I am sorry they missed diagnosing you when you were a child,” he’d said. “That must have been really hard.”
Tanner had shrugged, because what was in the past was over and done with and he didn’t really think there was any point in getting all hung up on it.
But as he talked to the doctor more and listened to the stuff Leif had sent him, he realized that a lot of things in his life really had been harder for him than they were for other people.
He wasn’t dumb for struggling in school or bad at adulting when he left wet laundry sitting in the dryer for days or left a trail of mess after himself wherever he went. His brain just … didn’t work the same way other people’s did.
Now as Tanner continued to strip off, he thought about Leif getting confirmation that he was on the autistic spectrum.
He’d been really quiet about the diagnosis for a few days, then decided it gave him the chance to get to know himself better. Now he would have better ideas about what to do when he ran into stuff that frustrated him or he wasn’t sure why he was reacting a certain way to something.
He’d said that, mostly, it had given him more information to work with.
And honestly, it had been nice knowing they were going through it all together.
Tanner’s doctor had offered him medication of course. Tanner had talked to Leif and his mom and Jeff about it. Part of him had worried he’d stop being himself, but Leif had helped him find info about people who really loved the meds and felt like they were life-changing.
Tanner could take the non-stimulant drugs without getting in trouble with the league, but he’d finally decided against it.
“Like, I’m doing okay now, right?” he’d asked Leif one night when he was still trying to decide. “I know I don’t totally have my shit together, but I don’t think the ADHD is fucking up my hockey or my relationships or anything …”
Leif had nodded. “Whatever you feel is best. Besides, that might change someday. It’ll be different when you retire, maybe.”
“Retire?” Tanner had yelped and smacked his thigh. “Dude, I’m only twenty-six! I have a lot of hockey to play. Don’t jinx me like that.”
But he got Leif’s point.
So no meds. Not now, anyway. Just systems and routines and stuff. And dude, he was a pro hockey player. If anyone could learn new systems and routines, it was him. Especially because Leif was really good at just quietly showing him how things could be better. He’d been doing it all summer.
“Tanner?” Ian said.
“Sorry, brain went offline for a bit,” Tanner said with a shake of his head. “Thanks!”
Salty knew about his diagnosis too.
He was a lot different than Crawford had been. Soft-spoken and kind, which felt a little weird. But he’d already invited Tanner over to meet Emmie, which was pretty dope, and Tanner knew they’d be tight in no time.
“Get your ass in gear, Clayton!” Leif said as Tanner walked past him in the shower room. “If you’re not ready to go in ten, I’m leaving you here!”
“Nooo!” Tanner yelped, playing it up a bit because this was the fun part. “You wouldn’t!”
“Don’t test me.” Leif had his sour-lemon face going on but Tanner knew it was just for show now.
“Why are you living with him anyway?” Drew Palmer asked.
Tanner shrugged and ducked under the nearest shower head, yelping when he turned on the water and it was still a little cold. “Well, we played together in Juniors.”
“Yeah, I know, but didn’t you two hate each other’s guts when you played for Boston?”
“Sure did!” Tanner said proudly. “But hey, he’s got a spare bedroom in a super sweet loft that’s like ten minutes from the arena if I hop on the train so I can’t beat that.”
“You better leave yourself at least twenty on game days!” Leif called out.
“I get what’s in it for you, Clayton,” Drew said with a frown. “But what about him?”
Leif shot him a smile. “I get to make sure this asshole isn’t slacking or showing up late.”
“Got it,” Drew said with a laugh. “Well, better you than me, man.”
“Hey!” Tanner protested. “I am fucking delightful, Drewsky.”
“You’re something alright,” Leif muttered.
And if Tanner hadn’t known better, he might have believed he meant something bad by it.
“Fuck, it drives me crazy seeing you in my locker room, in Rockets gear,” Leif growled, the minute they were inside the condo. He pushed Tanner up against the door and kissed him. “You look so good in black, white, and yellow.”
“It drives me crazy seeing you on the ice,” Tanner said breathlessly when he drew back, sliding his hands up under Leif’s shirt. “Fuck, skating with you, setting up plays …”
Leif made a low, desperate noise. “You were such a tease too. Standing there naked in the locker room, knowing I couldn’t touch you …”
Tanner grinned. “I didn’t do it on purpose! Clarence was misbehaving.”
“Sure he was,” Leif said with a smirk, even though he knew Tanner was probably telling the truth.
“Or maybe I was being naughty on purpose.”
“Oh were you now?”
After a whole summer together, after their trip to Rome and their role-playing in the club, Leif knew damn well that Tanner still loved to rile him up on purpose.
He’d been an absolute menace at the club, flirting with people and goading Leif into approaching him. Picking him up and taking him back to their rental apartment.
It had been some of the hottest sex of their lives so far and Leif was pretty sure they were just getting started.
“Mm-hmm.” Tanner leaned in and bit his ear.
Leif yelped and grabbed Tanner’s wrists. “Guess I better do something about it, huh?”
“Guess so.”
Leif grinned, kissed him once, hard, then moved him into position. “Palms against the door. I’m going to blow you. For every time you lift them, I’ll bring you to the edge and not let you come.”
Tanner groaned. “Noooo. You’re so mean.”
But his eyes were sparkling and Leif knew he was into this. He was almost always into whatever Leif came up with.
In between the travel and the training, Leif had done a lot of internet research, and he was confident he’d come up with so many ways to keep their sex life from being boring, Tanner would never tire of him.
Also, he trusted the look in Tanner’s eyes. He trusted how hard Tanner had worked to be with him.
He trusted Tanner.
By the time Tanner finally spilled down Leif’s throat, he’d been edged three times and his thighs were twitching.
Leif pulled back with a grin as he licked his lips. His own cock was so hard he ached but that didn’t matter, not when Tanner’s hair was plastered to his forehead from sweat and he looked wrecked.
“Oh shit,” Tanner said, panting as he stumbled stepping out of his shorts. “Not sure I can walk, dude.”
Leif smirked and slung an arm around his waist. “I’ll help you into the bedroom so you can pass out there.”
“I’d rather you fuck me,” Tanner said.
“After all that?” Leif asked, still a little amazed.
“I like having you inside me,” Tanner said, a little whine in his voice.
A year ago, Leif would have found it annoying. Now, it made him smile. “I guess,” he said with sigh. “If I have to.”
Like he wasn’t so hard that he could use his cock to hammer nails into the walls of Tanner’s room where he still hadn’t hung up his posters and artwork.
In the bedroom, Leif tumbled Tanner onto the bed.
Tanner sprawled out on the sheets, beaming. Leif stared at him for a moment, heart beating double time with happiness at the sight of him.
But when Tanner widened his thighs and reached for the lube, Leif stripped off his clothes, then knelt on the edge of the mattress.
Mesmerized, he watched intently as Tanner bent one knee back and circled his hole with slippery fingers. He pushed two in, going much faster than Leif would have if he’d been the one opening him up.
“C’mon,” Tanner said, looking up at Leif. “Get inside me. Now.”
Leif’s chuckle turned into a groan as he settled between Tanner’s thighs, tugged his foreskin back, and lined his cock up. The head was sensitive and he shuddered as he pushed past the tight ring of Tanner’s hole.
“God, you …” Leif closed his eyes, continuing to slide in deeper.
Tanner hooked his feet around Leif’s hips, digging his heels into Leif’s ass. “C’mon.”
Leif sank in all the way, his head already swimming.
Tanner’s hands were on his biceps now, roaming across his shoulders, pulling him in, urging him to move.
Leif pulled back far enough to plunge in again, over and over, the rhythm coming easily now. It was like when they skated together, nothing but the sounds, the way their bodies worked together. Seamless.
Leif moved and Tanner moved. Tanner sped up, Leif followed.
Around and around the ice, in and out as Leif fucked him, it didn’t matter. They moved together like they’d been having sex for decades instead of less than a year, that easy rhythm becoming familiar.
Their future stretched out dizzyingly in front of Leif. Hockey and a life together. A future that was theirs to build.
Leif shuddered, his body tightening as he pictured Tanner sprawled on the couch and sitting on the counter in the kitchen. Colliding with him in a celly after a goal.
A hundred little annoyances and a thousand joys all wrapped up together. A life.
A two-man team.
Leif came until the world was hazy and white, sparkling behind his eyelids. He was trembling, arms shaking like he’d never worked out a day in his life as he collapsed onto Tanner.
Tanner hung on, murmuring something that was just soothing white noise in Leif’s ears, perfect and precious and already so familiar.
“I love you,” he gasped against Tanner’s neck. “I love you.”
And he did hear when Tanner whispered it back, soft and tender.
Later, when Leif had wiped them both clean and Tanner was wrapped up tight in his arms, playing with Leif’s tablet because he’d left his phone in his shorts’ pocket by the door.
He got restless, but Leif needed this time, skin to skin, liked the way the slow thump of Tanner’s heart felt against his palm.
“Any regrets?” he asked.
Tanner glanced up. The sunlight coming in the window slashed across his face, making the golden-green flecks in his eyes glow. His face was filled with laughter. “Regrets?”
“Leaving Boston. Becoming a Rocket.”
“No.” Tanner set the tablet aside, smiling—God, he was always smiling and it filled Leif’s chest with such warmth every time. “No. I’ll miss the guys. Of course I will. I already do, but this … Leif … you …”
It wasn’t very often that Tanner was lost for words, but he seemed to struggle now. “Fuck,” he finally said. “No. No, I’m right where I need to be.”
Leif dragged in a deep breath, held it a moment, then let it out, releasing that last tiny sliver of anxiety that had lingered.
“Good,” he said, tangling his fingers with Tanner’s. “Me too.”