Chapter 5 Selene #2
I managed to calm myself slightly, though I was still wracked with occasional sobs as I looked at him again.
His eyes scrutinized my entire body, and just for a moment, I caught a glimpse of want, which he immediately suppressed, running a hand over his face.
Neil was trying to get himself together, and it looked like he was forcing himself to keep his distance from me.
I just kept quiet. I was afraid that anything I might say would only reignite his rage.
Suddenly, Neil began to stalk back and forth in front of me, visibly fighting against his demons. Then he turned and walked quickly over to the kitchen island and took a seat on one of the stools, cradling his head in his hands.
Instinct told me to go to him and try to comfort him. Reason, however, said I should stay right where I was.
“Why?” he asked himself, staring unseeingly at the kitchen island. “Why? For fuck’s sake!” He tore a hand through his hair again, his movements fidgety.
Was I crazy for loving him even like that? Out of his mind, enraged, and bewildered?
Yes, he was all those things.
Something was wrong with me. Even I couldn’t figure out how Neil had burrowed so deeply into my head.
After a long silence, I finally ventured in a soft tone, “Why what?” But he just stayed slumped forward, his hands digging into his hair as he breathed laboriously.
“Shut the fuck up!” he told me, and I flinched.
I had gotten used to his anger, his profanity, and his rough manner, less so to this obvious incoherence that made his behavior impossible to decipher.
Tension rose up between us, and I didn’t allow myself to utter a single word.
Still in shock, I began collecting the shards of glass from the smashed vase and putting them in the trash.
My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding so hard that I could feel it in my stomach, but I couldn’t give in to apprehension and dread if I wanted to keep a clear head.
Meanwhile, Neil had put the ice pack over his swollen knuckles and stared off into space. He looked worn-down and vacant.
I cared more for him than any other man in the world, but that didn’t mean I could make excuses for him. I couldn’t believe he’d come into my home and treated me so disrespectfully.
“Tell me what you want from me,” I said, if only to break the silence that enveloped us. He didn’t answer, only raising his head to give me a furious glare. I could see the mess of emotions he was experiencing in his golden eyes. I took a step back, cowed by his hard expression, and Neil noticed.
The small amount of confidence I’d had was snuffed out then, like a candle before a gust of wind.
He got to his feet, dominating the small kitchen with his bruiser physique. He tossed the ice pack onto the kitchen island and then stepped around it.
It seemed that every step he took shook the earth until even the devil below felt the trembling.
I backed up until my back was against the wall. He halted.
He studied me for a long moment, though I had no idea what, if anything, he was trying to figure out. He was too well concealed behind his psychological walls of silence and remove.
“Take your shoes off,” he ordered while he shed his own leather jacket at a disarmingly leisurely pace. He tossed it aside without ever breaking his stare, and my eyes tracked the motion as I panicked internally.
Now in just his dark jeans and sweatshirt, he leveled his stormy, impenetrable gaze at me, urging me to do as he said. But I hesitated.
“Take off the fucking shoes. Now,” he repeated impatiently, and I sucked in a breath at the intensity in his voice.
I tightened my lips in disdain at his high-handed attitude, but I did as he said.
I pulled off one boot and then the other, letting them fall to the floor with a brief thud.
I wore only my thin white sweater, skirt, and thigh-highs.
He looked me up and down, lingering on my bottom half, and from the flare of lust that illuminated his eyes, I could tell he was thinking about how easy it would be to slip a hand up that skirt.
Was he seriously going to try something right after an outburst like that?
I found myself wondering what I should do if he did make a move. I could go along with it and let him make me feel good, or I could yell at him for being a psycho and kick him out. In either case, I knew Neil would somehow end up getting what he wanted. After all, he never stopped until he did.
He had something to tell me, and he wanted to communicate it through the only language he really understood—sex.
He began to approach me again, taking slow but decisive steps, and I held still, waiting for him. My breath came faster and faster as the air itself seemed to grow stormy in his presence.
Then, finally, he was right in front of me, my nose level with his chest. Neil towered over me, and I felt terribly small before him.
He wasn’t trying to highlight our size difference or how powerful his body was compared to my much more petite one, but rather he was demonstrating his ability to always win over me, to dominate me, and to exert a masculine authority over me at will.
No matter how much I tried to resist him.
“What do you want to do now? Use me?” I sneered at him, and he gave a soft, cruel little laugh.
Was it amusing for him how helpless I was?
“Quiet now,” he snapped, and my lip curled in disgust.
“If you want me, it has to be just me!” I spat, and his eyes went wide. He looked unrecognizable.
His mind was somewhere far away, and his body was not saying “desire,” instead it was all intimidation and dominance.
In one firm motion, he grabbed my hair in his fist and pulled my neck back.
It didn’t hurt, but he was holding me tightly.
Then, he spun me around with a hard yank, and I found myself with my cheek plastered against the cold surface of the wall.
My breasts were crushed painfully against it.
All at once, I could feel his chest pressing against my back and his nose grazing the curve of my neck.
He sniffed deeply, like an animal, and moved up to nibble on my earlobe.
I moved slightly against him, trying to wriggle free, and Neil put his hand on my hip, squeezing my ass so possessively that I could feel his fingers sinking into my flesh.
“Are we back to this again? Is it going to be like when you took me hard on that desk to show me who was boss?” I asked drily.
My question went unanswered, though.
I could feel his breathing get ragged, and a pleased groan came from deep in his throat. Apparently, that memory really did it for him because he pressed his hips against my ass until I was completely flush with the wall. There was no longer the least bit of space between us.
I gave a faint moan of pain before going rigid when I felt his fingers gliding along the outside of my thigh, heading up under my skirt.
His touch was delicate but also intractable and menacing.
I should have pushed him away; I should have hated him for the totally unreasonable way he was acting, but instead my nipples stiffened and a devouring heat rose from the bottom of my stomach all the way up to my chest.
“You’re wearing makeup. You put on a skirt…for him?” he whispered darkly.
Just what was he suggesting? That I was interested in Ivan or had maybe started something with him?
“So what if I did?” I jeered back at him. At the same time, I felt his finger slip underneath the edge of my panties.
“Hmm…lace…” he observed, close to my ear, feeling out the fabric with his fingers.
I had skipped the cotton panties for once and dared to wear something a bit more sensual.
But I’d had no idea what was about to happen to me.
“I suppose you also wore this for your…captain, right?” he sneered, and I ground my teeth, insulted.
“You know what? Maybe I did. Maybe I was about to find out what he thought of them when you interrupted us.” It was a lie, of course.
I couldn’t have brought myself to do anything like that.
I just said it to provoke him, and I succeeded marvelously because Neil slapped my ass.
Hard. I was propelled forward, my backside burning from the strike, but I didn’t have time to dwell on the pain because Neil was spinning me around to face him, tightening his fist around my hair.
My shoulders banged painfully off the wall, but I didn’t care.
His smell surrounded me, and I was forced to lift my eyes up to meet his.
Small as I was, I felt enveloped by his aura of darkness.
“Don’t play games with me, little girl,” he warned, sounding severe, and I continued staring into his eyes, trying to hide my fear. I would not allow him to ride roughshod over me again.
“Or what?” I challenged him, and something flared to life in his honey-colored eyes.
Neil hated anything that felt like a slight, especially such an obvious one.
He bent, perhaps to kiss me, but instead I bit down on his lower lip and pulled it, trapped between my teeth.
He emitted a growl of irritation and tightened his grip on my hair.
And so the fight began.
When I finally released him, he winced and licked his wounded lip, which had started to bleed.
He didn’t look like he was in pain, however. He looked even more aroused than before.
“You really are a wild tigress,” he said in a seductive whisper, and the sound of his deep baritone only stoked my desire.
All my insides lit up, burning like an unquenchable flame.
“And I’ll bet you’re getting all hot and bothered as well,” he added with an insolent smile.
I swallowed hard and didn’t answer. I was hot and bothered, and Neil seemed determined to see proof of it.