Chapter 5 Selene #5
How did he have such an insane talent for planting the obscenest images in my mind?
If someone had told me in the past that I would one day become so thoroughly wicked, I never would have believed them.
Still, I tried to demonstrate a little self-control and put my hands against his hips to push him away from me.
“I need to shower and eat,” I told him. Just then, my stomach let out a growl as if to confirm my words.
Neil gave me a tiny, cryptic smile and a long, scrutinizing look.
He was probably pleased to see how thoroughly he’d exhausted me.
“You can take a shower in the guest bathroom, if you want,” I said, putting a little stress on “guest bathroom” to eliminate the possibility of him trying to worm his way into my shower.
I didn’t have his endurance. I was sore all over, and I couldn’t let him get his hands on me again when my mother might walk in on us at any time.
“Okay,” was his only response. Then he walked off down the hallway, and I could breathe again.
Once I was confident that I was alone, I tried to process exactly what had just happened.
Neil had steamrolled me, shifting moods on a dime and never explaining any of his feelings.
I suspected he had gotten jealous, though he’d never straight out admitted it.
I decided not to dig into that issue again, though.
With Neil, the line between discussion and argument was very thin.
Sometimes I found it so hard to understand him: His mind was terra incognita, his soul was impenetrable, and his character was a complete mystery.
I shook off those thoughts, however, and went up to my room to clean up.
As I got undressed, I saw that marks on my fair skin had definitely multiplied.
Fortunately, my clothing would cover enough of them that no one—most especially my mother—would get suspicious.
They were bruises left by a man at the peak of pleasure, and for that reason I was glad I had them.
It felt flattering, having something of Neil still on me.
After showering, I put my hair up in a ponytail and pulled on my leggings, covering them with a thin sweater that fell just below my butt.
I stepped into my fuzzy slippers, well aware that they weren’t remotely sexy, and walked back to the kitchen.
Neil wasn’t there yet; undoubtedly, he was still relaxing in the hot shower, so I decided to make us both something to eat.
It was late, but I was starving, and I figured he’d probably skipped dinner too.
I grabbed a pan, deciding to make grilled cheese. Something easy and fast. I glanced at the kitchen doorway as I settled the pan on the burner.
There wasn’t even a hint of Neil’s presence.
What if he just ran away?
It wouldn’t have shocked me; he was unpredictable, after all.
I chuckled at the thought as I opened the bread and put two buttered slices in the pan. I grabbed a couple of slices of cheese from the fridge and layered them on top of the bread, focused on my culinary efforts.
All at once, the air was thick with the strong scent of bath gel.
I breathed it in, getting drunk on it, and like a moth determined to light herself aflame, I turned to face Neil.
My eyes went wide and my lips drew tight when he sauntered into the kitchen shirtless, the toki on his right bicep fully visible, and the pikorua on his hip only partially hidden by his dark jeans.
I could vividly recall where the design ended, right at the root of his…
I cleared my throat and scrutinized instead his damp amber skin, his wet, tousled hair…
I could not help but appreciate the sheer magnificence of his body.
His magnetic eyes met my gaze with identical desire, and I shivered from a wave of heat that I could not control.
Neil sat down on a stool, his abdominal muscles contracting with the movement.
Once again, I thought about what a profoundly masculine form he had.
He seemed to me like some otherworldly creature with an untamed appeal sent by God to make women—me included—fall at his feet.
None of us could escape his lure.
He furrowed his brow at me until he noticed the way my eyes were locked on his pecs, then he gave me a self-satisfied smile.
Suddenly, I felt a wave of sadness come over me as I thought about how it would feel on that inevitable day when I lost him for good. I knew it was coming.
Neil was far from perfect. He wasn’t some prince you’d be happy to introduce to your friends or take home to your parents. Being with him meant walking through hell, but somehow, it felt better than heaven when he was with me.
I might have done anything, even lost my mind completely, if he were actually gone from my life. Yet, I was the one who kept saying that we needed to stay away from each other even if I didn’t have the guts to actually put any distance between us.
“I think it’s burning.” His voice shocked me awake, and for a moment, I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I figured it out almost immediately—the grilled cheese!
I immediately turned back to the frying pan, where the sandwiches had turned from nicely golden to almost charcoal.
“Dammit,” I muttered awkwardly. I scooped the sandwiches up with the spatula and transferred them to the plates, burning my thumb in the process.
Well, that was a wash.
I brought my thumb to my mouth, trying to soothe the burning sensation with my tongue before turning to look at Neil, who was gleefully watching the show with a smirk of amusement on his face.
I turned violently red before regaining my composure enough to pick up both plates. I moved over to the kitchen island, placing one in front of him as I sat down on the other stool with the second plate.
Neil cocked an eyebrow down at the charred sandwich. He stared at it as though trying to decide whether it was edible or not.
“It has to taste better than it looks,” I grumbled in annoyance, and he turned those gorgeous eyes on me. I chewed my lip in the exact spot where he had bitten me, and for a moment, I felt just like I had when he was devouring my mouth with his sinful one.
“Hmm…then I’ll give it a try,” Neil said, and I focused on the sandwich.
It wasn’t difficult; I just had to keep from looking at his naked chest or ripped biceps, and those unruly desires of mine would take a hike.
“If I get food poisoning, it’ll be your fault,” he teased before taking a bite of the hot sandwich. He chewed slowly, evaluating the taste.
Did he like it? Was it disgusting?
“Not bad,” he confirmed flatly, continuing to eat.
Well, that was a somewhat ambiguous verdict but not a completely negative one, as I’d feared.
I breathed a sigh of relief and took a bite as well.
The silence that descended upon us was both tense and embarrassing at the same time.
Neil didn’t look at me. He seemed thoughtful and not entirely calm.
Meanwhile, I was squirming constantly in my seat.
“Are you still on the pill?” he asked abruptly after finishing the last bite of his sandwich.
He’d devoured the whole thing in just a few bites, and I was happy because it meant I was taking care of him in some small way.
I sometimes suspected that he skipped meals and ate more irregularly than he should.
I took a beat and then lifted my eyes from my plate to his face and frowned.
What did he just ask me? Why?
“Yes, of course,” I confirmed, though I was a bit confused.
“You’ve never skipped a day?” he pressed, licking a few scattered crumbs from his lips.
“No, why would I have? I’m meticulous about that sort of thing,” I reiterated, though I didn’t see what he was getting at.
“You know you have to tell me if you ever decide to go off it or forget a day, don’t you?” he went on, staring deep into my eyes as though searching for some uncertainty there.
“Yes, I know that,” I said in a perplexed murmur, and then he did something I wasn’t expecting.
After rubbing his hands together to get rid of the crumbs, he lifted his hips slightly and retrieved his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans.
My eyes dropped to the V leading down to his pelvic area and his abs, which popped as his core contracted.
Once again, I willed myself to put aside the lewd desire coursing through my body and tried to focus on what Neil was doing.
He unfolded his wallet and stuck his middle and index fingers inside. He emerged with a small silver packet between his fingers, and I reddened when I realized it was a condom.
“I always have one of these on me. Do you know what that means?” he asked, staring right into my flushed, embarrassed face.
“That you’re sleeping with other girls?” It was the first answer that came to mind, and Neil must not have liked it because he gave me a warning look.
“It means that I choose not to use one with you, so you have to tell me about everything. If you go off the pill, if your period’s late—you have to tell me about any accidents that might happen.
” He slid the little packet back into his wallet and tucked it into his jeans again.
I noticed that he did not deny what I’d said before.
Obviously, he was still having sexual encounters—albeit protected ones—with other women, and the idea did not thrill me.
I looked down uncomfortably at my half-eaten grilled cheese.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed. This is the kind of conversation that people who are fucking have to have sooner or later—” I didn’t let him finish and interrupted him instead.
“I already told you, Neil. I want to be exclusive. I can’t take it anymore, sharing you with other people,” I burst out, reaching the limits of my patience.
I could deal with the way he dominated me; I could deal with his angry outbursts and his general instability.
I could deal with him using me however and whenever he wanted, but I absolutely could not deal with other women touching him and taking pleasure from him the way that I did.
Neil hadn’t been expecting such a confession and looked bewildered. He obviously wasn’t ready for that conversation, and maybe he never would be, but the time had come for him to make a choice.
“Selene,” he snapped back irritably, pounding a fist on the countertop. No, he wasn’t remotely pleased with my stated position or the way I’d cornered him with the issue. I was glad to see him looking troubled, though, because that meant he was actually thinking about my proposition.
“Choose, Neil,” I went on, my fear giving way to determination.
“Me or everyone else,” I told him starkly.
I had accepted that he would not occupy the position of boyfriend or partner in my life because I knew he’d never abandon his beliefs about relationships, but if he wanted me, even if only to satisfy his carnal instincts and indulge in the physical draw that we both shared, he would have to prove to me that he could choose me.
Choose me above all others.