Chapter 29 Neil #4
There were times when I disappeared for days because of my stupid pride, and it caused so much suffering for her. We would fight and start yelling at each other, and I’d have to pull back to get some perspective on the relationship.
I know she wondered then if I was out having sex with other women.
Maybe she still suspected I had.
And, if I was being completely honest, there were women I found tempting, and there still are. But I’m different now.
I had a daughter, and I needed to be a model for her of what a partner was and what a serious and responsible father was. I couldn’t make the mistakes of my past when I let my knee-jerk reactions and my demons take the wheel.
But even though I’d had a child with her—a sure signal of how invested I was in us as a family—Selene still got lost in those old fears. I never would have made a decision like that unless I was absolutely certain of how I felt.
“Never, Babygirl. I could never do that you. I wouldn’t do any of that shit; just put it out of your mind because you are the only one for me.
” I dragged myself out of her and watched my cum slip down between her legs.
I continued to stare as I stood up before shooting her a heated glare and leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her mons.
And then another, a little further down. Where she liked me best.
I traced her with my tongue and licked her ardently. I could taste our commingled fluids, and she trembled beneath me.
This profane gesture was, in my silent lexicon, a message of my absolute devotion to her. My reliance on the bond between us, the ever-growing attraction I felt for her, and the deep importance she had for me.
Tinkerbell understood this because she smiled and gave me a little nod, as though I’d just spilled my deepest thoughts to her.
“Promise?” she whispered, looking deep into my eyes.
She was beautiful like that, so soft and sweet. She was a woman now, but she was also still the girl I’d met ten years before.
The girl who fought for me, who stood by me no matter what. Who had given everything to me, body and soul.
The girl who had crawled inside me and taken up her rightful place.
A place that would always belong to her, no matter what happened.
“I’m crazy about you, Selene. Can’t you see that? Who knows what spell you used…” I grumbled because sometimes it did still bother me the tremendous power she had over me.
I was absolutely fucked, and that knowledge frightened me. If Selene ever decided to leave me, I’d die.
So I spent every day trying to show her how much she meant to me.
Maybe not with words or bouquets of dying flowers, but with my heart, which she held in her hands.
It had been broken, badly damaged by the past, and she would have been well within her rights to throw it away.
Instead, she had guarded it and cared for it and pieced it back together into something new.
My heart was not unlike a mosaic: a collection of shards that came together to create something original.
“Shall we go home?” I stood up and reached out to help her up. Completely naked, as delicately lovely as a butterfly, she rose up to meet me and smiled, full of love.
“Let’s go home.” She kissed my lips, and I slid a hand into her hair, deepening the kiss until I could steal every last bit of her breath.
Because I didn’t just want to lose myself in her body, I also wanted to fight for us.
* * *
Sunday came, the day of the family barbecue.
No one would have thought I’d one day be capable of this kind of life, that I’d be able to put the abused boy back in his corner and move forward as someone ready to live for real.
No one…except Tinkerbell.
I would always be grateful to her for that.
After taking a shower (and using up an entire bottle of body wash), I dressed and went downstairs.
We’d gone back to New York after our trip. Selene finished her degree and graduated with honors while I launched my career.
I was now an established architect, but even when it came to that, she was special. She was the one who believed in me and encouraged me back when I was scribbling designs in a notebook that I hid on my bookshelf.
It felt like an eternity since those days.
I shook the memories off as I descended the large marble staircase that led to our main floor. I had designed our home myself. I wanted a one-of-a-kind place that would make my girls feel like real princesses.
I found my woman on the big leather sofa in the living room, nursing our little one. I leaned against the doorway and watched them in awe, like always.
Selene delicately cradled Nicole against her and murmured tender things to her like, “Mama and Daddy love you. You’re everything to us. You’re our Little Pearl …”
They were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
To say they were merely a part of me would be reductive. They were the two halves that made up my soul. Without either one of them, I would have been nothing.
I stepped into the room, unable to resist the urge to go to them. Selene spotted me immediately and gave me a brilliant smile. I crouched down to plant a kiss on it. Then I turned to our little one and kissed her gently on her forehead, taking the opportunity to breathe in her baby-powder scent.
“Good morning to my girls. I knew I’d find you both here.” I leaned back, watching as Nicole turned her attention from her mother to me.
It was incredible how she immediately recognized my voice and incredible how all it took was one look from those ocean eyes flecked with honey to reduce to me to a puddle of goo.
“Yeah, you know you’re Daddy’s Little Pearl, don’t you?” I whispered, and she batted her long brown eyelashes at me before giving me a tender little smile that made her chubby cheeks look even plumper.
She was adorable, and I was already so possessive of her.
I could barely stand it when other people held her or kissed her or gave her cuddles.
I could deal with Judith babysitting, but only because I would never entrust my daughter to a stranger. Still, I missed her so much every time I had to go to work and wanted nothing more than to get back to her.
“Good morning to you. We were waiting for you, like always.” Selene kissed the tiny tip of Nicole’s nose while I continued to gaze at our little one, enamored.
She was a true masterpiece, a wonder of nature.
Her lips were very pink and had the same shape as mine; she had a mass of chestnut hair, and her nose was small and delicate.
Nicole was a living symbol of our victory over evil, over the dark side of the world that Tinkerbell and I had defeated together. She was a perfect combination of Selene and me and a more beautiful gift we could not have asked for.
“Here, take her,” Selene said, giving me a long look.
As usual, my face shuttered, and I felt a stab of fear in my stomach.
The Boy’s voice still echoed in my head, warning that one day everything that happened to me might spill out onto Nicole.
The damned part of my soul piped up to remind me that I was, deep down, still the same disturbed man, and I had only managed to create the appearance of normalcy around me.
“Neil, stop whatever dark thoughts you’re thinking right now and take her,” Selene insisted, her face sorrowful yet determined, like she was ready to go to war. She knew about the things that were broken inside me, about the monsters who constantly tried to invade my life.
We had won many battles but never the war.
I took a deep breath before hesitantly stretching out my arms as Selene passed Nicole to me. I clasped my daughter to my chest and stood up. I always felt so helpless when that tiny being looked right into my eyes.
I stood in awe of her.
I bent down, grazing the tip of her nose with mine before dropping a small kiss on it, and she grinned. I automatically smiled back. She loved nose kisses, just like her mother. Nicole wriggled her plump arms and legs, expressing her delight at being with me.
“Happy to be with Daddy?” I asked her.
I had broken all my patterns for my little girl.
I quit smoking first thing in the morning so she didn’t have to breathe in the noxious smell.
I kept my face clean-shaven because I didn’t want to irritate her skin, and I tried to be present for all her feedings, especially the morning and evening ones.
My low, warm voice conveyed all the love I felt for her, all of the protection I would give her.
For her, I would kill with my bare hands.
I would give my own life to protect hers.
The bond I had with Nicole was too strong—it was an emotion I’d always tried to ignore the existence of.
“You know, you are always gorgeous, but you look especially good with her in your arms. There’s nothing to be afraid of, Neil. You are not a danger to your daughter,” Tinkerbell said, her voice warm and sensual in my ear. My eyes met hers in an explosion of feeling, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I felt fortunate every day to have met her.
I was the only man who existed for her. I knew it from the way she looked at me and touched me.
The love that she showered on me with every single move and gesture.
I had never seen Selene so much as glance at another man.
I’d never seen her blush with someone else the way she was doing right then, for me.
She told me over and over again how I was perfect to her, even with my many flaws. She told me how appealing I was and how jealous she got when women threw their heated looks my way. But what my Tigress didn’t realize was that she outshone them all and erased anyone who had ever come before.
“Good morning, Neil.” Judith poked her head into the living room and walked over, her eyes already on my daughter.
But no one, not even my mother-in-law, dared to take my Little Pearl from my arms without asking permission first.