Never On Your Own #3
“Take a deep breath for me.” She kept her eyes locked on mine and took in a shuddering breath and exhaled. “Good girl.” I rubbed my thumb across her bottom lip, and her eyes fluttered closed. “Now tell me four things you hear and continue to take some deep breaths, okay?”
I moved my hand to cup her face, and she nodded but kept her eyes closed. “I hear the TVs playing, some kids are running, I hear some people talking, and someone's work radio, I think?” She took in one last deep breath and then opened her eyes to look at me and nuzzled her face into my palm.
“You okay there, pretty girl?” I asked as I pulled her into my chest to hold her and ground her.
“Yeah, I’m okay, I just…” She took a shuddering breath. “It was overwhelming, and I don’t know why, but it got to me. I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes and tried to pull away.
“Don’t ever apologize for that, sweetheart.
I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.” I pulled her closer to me and ran my fingers through her dark hair.
“If you’re ever in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, anxious, anything.
You tell me, and we leave right then. I don’t care where we are.
Your well-being is my top priority, Allie, and how you feel is always going to be valid to me.
You don’t have to handle this on your own.
I’ll help you anyway I can.” Her lips trembled as she kept her tears at bay that were trying their damndest to break through.
“I just worry, what if you see me at my weakest and you decide it’s too much work?
That I’m too much? Too loud, too broken.
What if you don’t want me anymore?” Her voice broke at the end with the quiet confession.
Those hazel eyes were so vulnerable, and it made me ache knowing that she felt this way.
She was so perfect, and I would do anything to show her that.
“Allie Grace, look at me. Let's get one thing straight: I’m not a weak-minded boy who’s going to run the first time you shed a tear or have a low moment.
We’re all human, and it happens. Secondly, if I wanted less, I would find less, but I don’t want that.
I want you. I want your loudness, your random singing, I want you excitedly telling me about a book you finished, even if I don’t understand it.
I want you cuddled up next to me, snoring, because you fell asleep five minutes into a movie you swore you could make it through. ”
“I do not snore!” She playfully slapped my chest, and I looked at her.
“That’s what you took from that?” My brows rose to my hairline.
“Sorry, please continue.” She bit her lip to keep from smiling, and I rolled my eyes before continuing.
“Thanks, princess, as I was saying. I want you. All of you. All the parts you want to give me, all the broken parts that I didn’t break, but I damn sure want to help you fix.
I want it all, sweetheart, and I’m not afraid of some hard work.
Do you understand me?” She swallowed but nodded her head.
“Good. Now, why don’t you take another second to take a breather and show me all the books you’ve been wanting to read to distract yourself, and then we can see how you feel and if you want to leave or continue in the store. ”
“Yeah, okay, I can do that.” I pulled her back into me, pressing my lips to her forehead, not caring we’ve been standing here having a very personal moment in the middle of a store.
She needed me, and that’s what mattered.
After a few more minutes, she decided that although she had calmed down, she wanted to get in the car, away from people.
I told her I’d finish grabbing what she needed and then I’d be right out.
She reluctantly agreed to let me finish shopping for her and headed out to the car. After she left, I grabbed several of the books she pointed out and stopped to grab some of her favorite candy. After quickly checking out, I headed outside and loaded everything in the back.
“How’re you feeling?” I grabbed her hand and pulled it into my lap.
“I feel better now. Thank you for finishing that up for me. I really appreciate it. I feel guilty…”
“Don’t feel guilty. That’s what a supportive partner is for. You needed out of there, but still needed your stuff too, so I grabbed the rest, and now we’re here. Easy fix. Don’t be stubborn and just accept the help, okay?”
“Easy for you to say.” She folded her arms and leaned back against the seat.
“You are such a brat, you know that?” I chuckled as I pulled up the website from earlier and handed her my phone. “I looked this up before we went to the store. I thought it could be a fun first fall date, but we can go on a different day if you want to get home.”
“Oh, an apple orchard! This looks like so much fun. Spence, it's dog-friendly!” She turned the phone and almost shoved it into my face. “Oh, could we please take this home and take Dolly?”
As if I could say no to her.
“We absolutely can. You sure you’ll be ok though?”
“I think by that time, yes. I’m already more relaxed, and this looks like so much fun. That was so sweet of you to look it up on your own too. Thank you.” She leaned over and kissed me before sitting back in her seat to buckle up.
“Anything for you, sweetheart. Now let's go get our girl.”