32. Seasons Change but People Don’t
Seasons Change but People Don’t
In the silence of her living room, while the afternoon sun shone through the tall windows, she was tucked against me on the couch.
I found another little piece of happiness.
A new memory to lock away. If there was one thing I knew for certain is that I was going to propose to her as soon as possible.
Caution be damned. This love, this contentment, and feeling of belonging, was one I never thought I’d find, and I never wanted to lose.
The way her mom and sister accepted me into their family with arms wide open, or how Emma never cared if the three of us all hung out together.
Even if a majority of the time it ended up with them roping me into doing a face mask and them wheezing at jokes they found hilarious that they couldn’t even tell completely.
Her circle was small, but they were all so welcoming.
You could see how each person shaped her in some way, helped her grow from all the trauma she went through, and how much she loved each of them in their own way.
I took a deep breath and finally opened up the messages that had been sitting in my inbox for over a month now from my brother.
I think it was time I finally cut the cord and moved on and healed completely.
If I kept anything open to where they could contact me, it was only going to eat away at me anytime that notification popped up.
I was an adult, and it was time I faced them.
I knew with Allie by my side, I could face anything.
Allie was lying next to me in bed, so I pulled her closer while I did this.
“Everything okay?” She looked up at my phone, trying to peek at what I was doing.
“It’s… It’s okay. I’m going to finally see what he wants, and then I think I’ll block them completely.
You’ve made me realize that keeping them all unblocked like this was really me holding on to the final shred of hope that maybe we could be a normal family one day, and that they’d want me.
I don’t want to live like that, and I want to move on with my life, totally free of them.
” Allie gripped my arm tightly, giving it a squeeze.
“Anything you need, I’m here for you. Always.”
I took another steadying breath and read what was sent.
New Messages from JasonParker:
When are you going to grow up and stop acting like a baby?
The family needs you and it’s time to come home.
Hello? Are you even reading these?
What if something was wrong?
You’re acting like a big ass baby for nothing.
Listen you prick, just get over whatever you feel like what happened to you and message me back.
We need to talk ASAP!!
I’m getting real sick of your shit. I know you moved back and are in town. You need to come by the house so we can all talk as a FAMILY.
Just because you got some hot shot college degree now doesn’t make you better than us. You're still the annoyingand needy little shit you’ve always been
No new messages.
Reading all the messages he sent it was clear that he would never change. Nothing I said before to him worked, and
To JasonParker
I haven’t messaged you back because I have nothing to say to you and there’s nothing you can say to me to change that.
I do not want to hear from you or anyone else again.
I have to do what’s best for me and my mental health.
As soon as this sends I’m blocking everyone, and if it wasn’t clear already.
I’m completely no contact with EVERYONE.
READ
You have now blocked Jason Parker
I closed my eyes and sat there breathing in the lingering coconut scent of Allie while trying to calm myself.
None of them would ever accept responsibility for anything that happened or acknowledge that they were a shitty family.
You can’t make someone change who doesn’t want to change, and it took me a while to come to terms with that.
Grieving over someone still living was hard, and not something a lot of people talked about.
“Are you okay, my love?” Allie propped herself up more and ran her fingers through my hair. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes. Her eyes traced my face, looking at me with such concern and love that it made me physically ache.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, I’m not, not really, but it will be okay.
I can’t keep sitting around hoping dear Mom and Dad will magically change.
Like they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it.
” I intertwined our fingers, relishing in the way they fit together so nicely.
She sat there quietly, letting me take the time I needed to gather my thoughts.
I let out a deep, tired sigh, “I appreciate you being there for me, though. It means a lot to me, even if it was just me opening some messages.”
“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what you need. You don’t ever have to question that, Spence. I hope you know and understand that.” Her words struck a chord deep down.
“I know you will, sweetheart. I love you so fucking much I can’t even explain it.” I lifted my hand from hers and ran my knuckle gently along her cheek, her lashes fluttering closed as I did. She looked angelic in this soft morning light, her hair still tangled, and her shirt rumpled from sleep.
I knew on some unknown level I truly would never have to question her or worry if she’d be another person to leave. I knew she’d always been someone I could rely on.