Lady Luck #2
“Spencer. Listen to me. You have to breathe.” Starting deep into her eyes, I finally did as she asked, letting her whiskey-smooth voice calm my frayed nerves.
“That’s it. Another deep breath for me, okay? You can do this.” Tears still fell down, but my breathing evened out.
“What happened, baby?” Hesitantly, she asked, as she wiped the tears from under my eyes with her thumbs.
“I wanted to make you dinner with a new recipe I found, so after work, I had time to stop at the store. Everything was going great till I was leaving. When I got outside, I was stopped by Greg, my father, who was drunk and yelling for everyone around us to hear how ungrateful I was and how I needed to grow up. I tried to leave, and that’s when Debbie, my mother, ran up.
” Another shuddering breath came out. Allie sat patiently, rubbing small circles against my cheeks, but I could see the worry in her eyes being replaced by anger.
“She tried to say I was the one hurting her. That I was killing her, and that she did nothing wrong. At that, I yelled. I said that was exactly the problem. I told them I wanted nothing to do with them, and then I rushed home.”
For a long moment, we sat in silence, and part of me worried maybe this would be what scared her away.
This entire time we’d been together, I avoided talking about them because it hurt too fucking much.
Now the hurt was ripped open, leaving me raw and exposed.
One altercation with them and I shattered.
That voice in the back of my mind tried to claw its way up.
She could do better. She doesn’t need someone so weak.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone.
I know there isn’t much I can say or do to make it better or magically fix it, even though I wish I could.
God, I fucking wish I could, but I’m here for you, Spencer.
For anything you need. I’m here.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, planting a light kiss on my jaw and cheek, and held me tight.
“I love you more than anything, and I’ll always be here no matter what. ”
“I love you too, Allie. So fucking much.” I pulled her even tighter, burying my face in her neck and inhaling the lingering coconut and outdoorsy scent on her.
“Come on. How about you show me that recipe and I’ll make us dinner. Does that sound good?”
“God. I wanted to make your Monday less stressful because I know they can be busy, and yet here I am on the floor crying. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.” She leveled me with a look that would send lesser men running. “Don’t ever apologize for how you feel, do you understand me? Especially not in this situation. Okay?” She held my gaze, refusing to let me look away. This woman.
“I understand, sweetheart. Thank you for being there for me.” Placing a kiss on her forehead, I stood, helping her as well.
We headed into the kitchen, getting all the groceries put away, and I pulled my phone out to show her the recipe.
I tried to insist I was fine to cook, but she wasn’t having it.
While she cooked, I headed to the bathroom to shower, hoping the hot water would ease the tension in my shoulders a little more.
Going no contact with them was my choice, but seeing them in person again after all this time made all the awful memories and feelings resurface.
It brought back all the hurt, the pain, every night I lay there wondering what I did wrong.
I’m glad I had an appointment with my therapist scheduled because it’s clear I still have some things I need to work through.
Letting the hot water cascade down my body and the steam billow around me, I could finally feel myself start to relax little by little.
Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped the towel around my waist and quickly dried off my hair, not bothering to fix the curls.
They could dry however they wanted to tonight.
I tossed on a shirt and sweats and made my way back to the kitchen.
Allie was in her own world, leaning up against the counter on her phone.
She had on those tight-as-sin workout shorts, another one of my old shirts, and had her hair pushed back with a little headband.
She was barefaced and completely at ease.
Knowing I had her in my corner eased that knot in my chest a little more, and I thank the gods above that I get to call her mine.
Walking over and wrapping my arms around her, I planted a trail of kisses along her neck.
“Hi there to you, too. How was your shower?” She turned to face me and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Really relaxing, actually. Thank you again… I know that was a lot first thing, and I—” She lifted her finger to my lips to silence me and quirked her brow.
“What did I tell you? Don’t apologize for how you feel. Partners are supposed to be there for one another no matter what. I’ll always be your safe space when needed. Your healing center, if you will.”
“Are you trying to use gaming terms?”
“Am I succeeding?”
“Close enough, I’ll let you have that one.
” I shook my head and laughed. I liked that she paid attention to my interests and didn’t laugh at me for them.
Okay, well, she does like to call me a nerd at times, but I dish it back because I’ve seen some of the books on her shelf.
The most recent was about a girl falling for this masked man, which may or may not have sparked some ideas, if you will.
“Score. I won.” She shimmed and flashed me that gorgeous smile of hers.
That heartbreakingly beautiful smile and those mixed forest eyes that I will get lost in till the day I take my last breath.
I cupped her cheek, and she nuzzled her face into it, peering up at me through her dark lashes.
Slowly running my thumb against her soft skin and the splatters of freckles.
“I love you, Allie. So fucking much it makes my chest ache, like my heart can’t contain the feelings it has for you, and it’s terrifying but also the most exhilarating feeling too.
I can’t believe you’re real sometimes, and this feels like a dream I’m going to wake up from.
” She turned her head and kissed the inside of my hand.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Pinky promise.
” Allie put her hand up between us with her pinky out, waiting for me to complete this sacred promise.
I let her face go and brought my hand down to intertwine our pinkies.
A silent promise to myself that I will do everything to see this girl happy for the rest of our lives.