Chapter 20 #2
“I do feel better. I told you it was just a virus. I should go home so you don’t catch it. It wasn’t thoughtful of me to come here and infect you guys.”
“I invited you, and I won’t let a little virus scare me or prevent me from spending time with you.”
“Oh, but you are afraid of a horror movie that is not real. It makes total sense.”
His fingers reached my sides, and he tickled me. “Don’t use my fears against me, Shepard. I don’t care you’re sick. It’s not okay.”
He tickled me some more, and I couldn’t breathe, laughing so hard it hurt my ribs. I lowered myself onto my back on the bed, kicking my legs. Tears of happiness shone in my eyes. “Mase, re-re-release me.”
“Nah. I haven’t heard you laugh like this in ages. I missed the sound. I’ll tickle you for the rest of time if it means you keep laughing.”
“No. Please. I’ll pee my-my-my pants if you don’t stop.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“No, I swear. Ohmygod. I-I-I can’t anymore.”
Mason abandoned his torture and hovered over me, holding my gaze.
He pushed my hair away with a soft touch, his fingertips lingering on the side of my head.
The air around us was charged with electricity as we faced each other, and our humor died down.
“I know I’m the nurse in our story, but this time I wanna be your patient.
Please, save my life…and my heart, Mel. You once said that if someday I were dying a slow death, you’d be the one patching me up and kissing it better.
Well, I am dying a slow death right now.
What we once had is still there. More potent than ever.
You can’t tell me you don’t feel it. When we reconnected, we said no more lies. ”
“Mase, it’s not that I don’t feel it, it’s that I don’t think it would be right. We’re not couple material. We are friends material.” Or I like to let myself believe that’s all we are to each other.
“How would you know? We’ve never even kissed.
” He lowered his face toward mine, and my breath caught in my lungs when his nose brushed against mine.
My heart kicked in my chest. My thoughts evaporated.
Would Mason Pierce kiss me? If he did, was I ready for everything it would mean?
For everything that would change between us? For him to prove me wrong?
I felt his warm breath tingling my upper lip. My back arched of its own volition, desperate for some physical contact. Every single inch of my flesh was burning, and liquid heat filled my lower abdomen.
“Mase…” Why was my voice so low? It barely sounded like mine.
“Mel…”
He parted his lips with a soft intake of breath, and before our lips could connect, I closed my eyes and turned my head. His mouth connected with my cheek instead. I kept my eyes closed, dreading the look of disappointment I knew would shadow his face.
With two fingers, he tipped my chin toward him. “Mel, look at me.”
I shook my head and worried my bottom lip with my teeth. “No. I can’t.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “You’ll think I’m unhinged or something.”
“Unhinged? No. Never. I can tell you are scared, but it’s me, Mel. Why wouldn’t you trust me?”
I sighed. “It’s not that. It…it’s my heart I don’t trust.”
“Because…”
I opened my eyes. “I don’t know, okay?” Anger rolled in my stomach. I pushed him to the side and sat with my arms wrapped around my knees. “I don’t understand how you can fall for me. It still doesn’t compute in my head. You could have anyone.”
Mason kneeled on the floor before me, closing his hands around my ankles.
“I thought we went over this already. You even went as far as making yourself sick and dating my nemesis, for God’s sake.
All that didn’t change anything between us.
I’m still sure we’re it, Shepard. The fire between us is burning hot, but I won’t do anything you’re not ready for. ”
“I…I would prefer you to fall out of love with me.”
He flinched. “You don’t mean that.”
I released my legs and straightened my back, folding my arms to create a barrier between us. “Maybe I do.”
Mason stood up and paced his bedroom, his fingers locked in his hair.
“What should I do now? Forget you exist? Because you know what? I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe you don’t love me back. I feel like you just think pushing me away is the solution to whatever is going on inside that pretty head of yours. ”
“It would be much simpler if you didn’t love me.”
“Simpler for whom? You know me, Mel. I won’t go down without a fight. Not this time around. Last year, I stayed out of the way when you brought Clarke into the equation, but this time, I won’t let your fears stand between us. I’m done playing and staying on the sidelines.”
“Why can’t you stop loving me? You should move on.” Please, don’t. Yes, do. Gosh, I don’t know.
“Because I see you, Melinda Shepard. All of you. And I feel you too. I think we should kiss and see where it goes from there.”
“Well, I think we shouldn’t kiss, and we should put a stop to this….whatever this is.” Or not. “It’s unhealthy.”
“I don’t agree. We belong together. I’m just waiting for you to stop denying the truth.”
“I can’t wait for you to prove me wrong, then.”
A spark lit up his eyes. “Is this a challenge?”
“Why not?” I rose from the bed. I wanted to fall for him—because the truth was that I had already fallen head over heels in love with him a long time ago—but for some reason, I just couldn’t let my guard down.
There was definitely something wrong with me.
Mason was perfect—perfect for me—and I kept pushing him away like he wasn’t, and I hated myself for doing so.
I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable and let him see the truth.
Nope. I had to protect myself, no matter the cost.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. I’ll ask Craig to drive me. I should have left earlier. It was a mistake to stay. We clearly need some space from each other.”
“Space?”
“Yep. To be, to think, to… I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter.” I grabbed my bag from the desk, but Mason blocked my exit before I could leave.
“Mel, wait. Can we talk about it? I won’t push you. I won’t say a word about us dating again if that’s what you wish. Please don’t leave like this. I’m fucking tired of all the push and pull, but I’m also willing to keep doing it for you.”
My heart deflated in my chest. I hated being the one causing him pain.
It had never been my intention. I just had no idea how to behave each time I was sucked into a Mason vortex.
It was like gravity was leaving me, and I was floating around without direction or anything to ground me down to Earth.
My life usually consisted of goals and objectives.
I couldn’t just free fall without thinking it through first, because falling for him with no restraint would steal all common sense from me.
I knew because it had almost happened once.
He opened his arms, and after a few seconds of hesitation, I wrapped myself around his waist and sighed in relief when his arms circled my body, and he held me close to him, the beating of our hearts syncing and soothing the worried parts of me.
A lone tear leaked from my eye. My thoughts were muddled.
What was I supposed to do? Listen to my head or listen to my heart?
There was so much at stake, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for all it implied.
“I don’t wanna lose you,” Mason said after a long beat. “I can’t lose you again. The first time was hard enough.”
“I don’t wanna lose you either.”
“Then tell me how to navigate this…you…me…us?”
“I don’t have a map, Mase…or instructions…
I’m lost, and I don’t know how to do this.
How to cede all control to destiny and see how things unfold from here.
It can’t end like it did last time, and I’m not sure how to do this without it consuming every part of me—for better or worse. What if I’m not strong enough?”
“I promise you I’ll find a way, okay? We’ll find a way.”
I nodded against his chest. “Don’t hate me.”
“I would never be able to.” We stayed like that for the longest time.
“Do you still wanna go home? If you stay here, you’ll have the house to yourself tomorrow.
We have a game, and we won’t be here all day.
Usually, I would beg you to come see me play, but I want you to rest more.
” He dropped a kiss on the top of my head.
“Here’s the deal. The TV is big, the refrigerator is full, and you don’t need a caddy to take a shower.
We even have a tub if you feel like it. You won’t get a better offer anywhere else. ”
“Even though spending too much time in my dorm room is kinda depressing and I don’t have my own bathroom—or bathtub—it would be weird being here without you.”
“Nonsense.” He took the bag from my grip and dropped it on the floor next to us. “Let’s go downstairs, and I’ll show you where everything is.”
“Mase.”
He placed a finger over my lips. “Shhh. Let me do this for you. Scratch that. I need to do this for you. Let me take care of you. For once, don’t fight it.”
He watched me with so much tenderness in his gaze that I couldn’t refuse.
I was falling deeper in love with him every day, and I had no idea how to extricate myself from the hole sucking me in without my insecurities spiking and making me question everything.
The last thing I wanted was to relapse, but at the same time, Mason Pierce had become my drug of choice over the last year, and I had no idea how to stay away from him anymore.
And even if I tried, I wasn’t sure I possessed the will to, no matter what I told him.
“So, will you stay here tonight?”
How could I say no? I wanted to. At least, my heart did.
I nodded.
“Awesome.” He pulled at my hand and opened the door.
What was I getting myself into?