Chapter 22 #3
He clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides.
“Don’t Mase me. We hug, we sleep in the same bed, we’ve made each other come, and we can barely resist kissing every time we’re together.
I see the longing in your eyes. Why can’t you admit you love me too?
I’m sure everyone can tell, so I’m wondering why you keep pretending otherwise.
Even your mom told me so the day she drove you away from school last year.
Either you’re fucking stubborn or I’m just not your type, but whatever it is, stop hiding behind your lies and be honest. With me. With you. With your feelings.”
“You think it’s that simple?”
He scratched his temple. “It’s pretty straightforward, so yes.”
“I’m not wired like that. I can’t decide right now what I want just because you ask me to.”
“It’s been a long time coming. Tell me something. Who are you thinking of when you make yourself come at night, huh? Whose face invades your thoughts?”
My mouth popped open, but no words exited.
Mason pointed an accusing finger at me. “I knew it. Even if you won’t tell me, your face is betraying you, Shepard. I’m glad I’m the star player in your fantasies.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “I never admitted to that. Don’t make up stories to fit your narrative just because you think you’re right and I’m wrong.”
“No need. That twitch of your lips and the way your eyes scanned the length of me said it all.”
“Whatever. You’re putting words into my mouth that I never spoke.”
“I’m just making you see the truth you’re too blind to see.”
“I’m not blind, Mase. Anyway, I’m going to my place. I think it’s better if you don’t come along this time.” I spun around, ready to evade his inquisition once and for all. “Bye.”
“That’s it, Shepard. Run away. You do it so well.”
I stopped and turned to face him. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s not? Because from where I’m standing, it oddly looks like it.”
“Whatever. This conversation is leading nowhere.” I whirled around and continued my retreat, his footsteps resonating in the darkness behind me.
I had no idea how our relationship had soured while we were apart for just a few days, but I wasn’t ready to face Mason with my feelings anytime soon.
He had no right to force me to acknowledge anything tonight or to be upset with me for not engaging with him.
“You’re really a champion at this, Shepard. Thinking of switching your sport from swimming to track and field? I bet you’d crush it at running.”
“I’m not indulging you, Mase. Feel free to leave.” I increased my pace, trying to put more distance between us. In vain. I could feel his presence right behind me.
“Feel free to be honest with me then, Mel. I’m going crazy here. I don’t get why you can’t face me when we have a serious conversation.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t drop this.
What’s gotten into you tonight? Where is all of this coming from?
Actually, don’t even bother answering. My reasons are mine, and they’re none of your business.
Whoever convinced you that coercing me into a relationship was the way to go must’ve been out of their mind.
We already agreed we were friends. Why can’t it be enough, huh? Why do you have to push for more?”
“Because you’re lying, and we said no more lies.
Amber and Rutherford were all over each other earlier, and I was a jealous motherfucker.
I want that. With you. I don’t know how to spell it so you understand once and for all.
I wouldn’t have to push if we were able to discuss our future without your freaking out every single time. ”
“You’re impossible.”
“No, I’m right.”
“I can’t deal with this tonight. I have a test to study for, and it’s late.”
“Are you done with excuses? You sound like a broken record.”
“Oh, gosh, I hate you so much right now.”
“Nah, you don’t hate me, Mel. You never did.”
Where was this confrontation even coming from?
How had we gone from confiding in each other not so long ago to Mason being angry and impatient with me just a few days later?
Could his moods be an aftereffect of his drug use?
Like a withdrawal symptom? Right now, I had no idea what to make of his little out-of-the-blue temper tantrum, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out.
I sighed, surrendering before the argument could go any further.
Yes, I had to put an end to this face-off before it escalated even more. “Mase, this conversation is over.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Keep lying to yourself.”
I couldn’t let myself be weak when it came to him, or else I would say screw it and jump headfirst into a relationship that could either empower me or break me.
I stopped and breathed in when I realized we had arrived at my dorm. When I checked over my shoulder, Mason had disappeared. All that was left of him was the echo of his accusations.
Then his words replayed in my mind, and I melted inside, remembering how he had always been good at reading me.
I see the longing in your eyes. Why can’t you admit you love me too?
How could he tell better than I did what I truly craved in secret?