Chapter 32 #2
“Don’t. Their breakup is on Craig. One day, he’ll have to be honest about it and either make amends or move forward with his life.”
“Yeah.” I trailed kisses down his neck. “Anyway, come get us when lunch is ready. Sorry that I’m not helping you.”
“Mel, you’re doing more than enough. If my brother lets you in, it’s a big step. I love you.” His lips found mine in a slow kiss.
Time stopped, and I lost myself in the feel of us for a minute.
“I love you too.”
I was lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, waiting for Cassidy to arrive.
I had left Mason’s house about an hour ago because my roommate and I had a dinner date planned.
We had decided to order in and watch a movie together before joining the rest of our floor, who were having a trivia night in the main space by the staircase.
The common area was painted in vibrant shades of royal blue and lemon yellow, filled with mismatched couches, tables, and chairs, and bookshelves stuffed with board games and novels that residents had donated or left behind over the years.
My earlier conversation with Craig was still gnawing at me.
Would Paige talk to me if I reached out after all this time, or would she hang up and tell me to go fuck myself?
I was riddled with angst at the thought of making amends.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt it might not be such a bad idea to right the mistakes of my past. Perhaps Paige and I could rekindle our friendship—or perhaps we would remain strangers forever—but at least the air between us would finally be clear.
I fidgeted with my phone, making a pros-and-cons list in my head.
Ever since I had pushed her away, I’d carried the guilt of ruining our friendship.
So many times over the past year, I could’ve called her, but every time, I chickened out at the last second.
Could I actually do this now? Could I really risk reaching out and facing whatever came next?
Gathering shards of courage from deep inside me, I dialed her number, praying she hadn’t changed it. My heart slammed against my ribs as the phone rang.
I was about to hang up when I heard a low, “Mel?”
Oh God, this was real. Paige was on the other end of the line, and I had to say something—anything.
“Hi.” Geez, could I sound any lamer? I sprang to a sitting position and took a big inhale. “Is it a bad time?” Breathe in, Mel. Yeah, it didn’t have to be awkward.
“Gimme a second.” I heard a door closing and then silence. Paige’s shaky breaths filled the line, and I held my own, waiting for her to speak first. “Why are you calling me?” She sounded so unsure. I hated that I was the reason our friendship had fallen apart almost a year ago.
This was it, the moment I was dreading. “Huh. I saw Craig earlier.”
“I don’t wanna talk about him. He’s dead to me.
He broke up with me a few days before we were set to leave for college.
Can you imagine that? You flushed me out of your life, and months later, my boyfriend of three years did the same thing without explaining shit to me.
He just told me it wasn’t working anymore…
and that we were better off going our separate ways.
I had to drive all the way to Thompson University by myself, barely able to see the road, sobbing the whole time.
I had to settle into my dorm room by myself.
He wasn’t there like he’d promised. All these years, when we talked about our college plans, he acted like he cared.
But when it was time to actually follow through, he bailed.
He chose…he chose his brother over me. You and he were the two most important people in my life, and you both pushed me away.
Now, I’m all alone. I have no reason to go home anytime soon, because just the thought of it hurts so freaking much, and I need to create this brand-new life for myself because my old one is dead.
Nobody asked me if it suited me. You just both assumed I would be better off. ”
I waited a long minute before speaking again. I deserved her rant. I had acted poorly, never apologized, and never tried to hear her side of the story back then.
“Paige, I-I’m sorry. For everything.” There, I said it.
The weight crushing my heart began to melt away.
“I should have never turned my back on you and said those horrible things to you. I was angry at the world, and I…huh, I needed someone to blame. It was easier to blame you than to admit I was wrong and that I needed help. Again, I’m sorry.
If I could go back in time, I would do things differently.
” Hot tears filled my eyes. “I’m aware it’s too late now, but I wanted you to know I’m not upset anymore.
I forgave you for telling my parents and Coach a long time ago.
My pride got in the way, and I should’ve made amends sooner. ”
I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I could tell from her silence that she was crying.
“I never wanted you to hate me. You were my best friend, Mel. I would have never hurt you on purpose. Sure, maybe I shouldn’t have gone to your parents or your coach, but I had no idea what else to do.
You wouldn’t listen to me… I didn’t want to drag Mason into the mess because I figured if you were mad at me, you’d keep him on your side.
I didn’t expect you to reject me forever.
In the end, we all lost you, and for that, I will always loathe myself.
” She sniffled and said nothing for the longest time. “When did you see him?”
“Who? Craig?”
“Yes.” Her voice was almost a whisper now.
“We talked earlier. He’s living with Mase and two other roommates in a small townhouse outside of campus. He’s not doing so good.”
I didn’t want to betray Craig’s trust, but I wouldn’t pretend he was happy and thriving either.
After we’d finished cleaning his bedroom around lunchtime, he drew me into a hug and sobbed in my arms. I had no idea what to say to make it all better, so I remained silent, hoping my presence was enough.
He said nothing afterward, and when I was ready to leave, he pulled me aside to thank me.
I felt a bit better knowing he trusted me with his pain.
After all, as Mason had once told me, Craig and I were not so different.
We had both lied to the people we loved and dismissed them without a second thought when things got rough, convinced we were doing them a favor by cutting them loose.
“Is he…dating someone else?”
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “No. He’s heartbroken. I don’t think he eats a lot. He has lost weight and doesn’t look like he’s sleeping either. He only goes out with the team. Sometimes. What about you? How are you holding up? What’s Thompson U like?”
“It’s fine. Classes are classes. I don’t feel like being social, though.
I found a job at the library. My roommates are nice, but one is a serial dater, so there’s always a new guy in her bed every week.
I had to buy earplugs and better headphones just to drown out the noise.
We share a small three-person room with a tiny kitchen—so trust me, there’s nowhere to hide—but at least she’s not having sex right next to me since we each have our own bedroom. How is your roommate?”
“She’s amazing. Her name is Cassie, and she’s from Canada. She only wears black clothes and is kind of goth, but she’s the best. I wish you could meet her. I’m pretty sure you two would get along.”
“Good. I’m happy for you. Are you still swimming?”
“Yes. What about you? Are you still baking?”
“I’m taking a class two nights a week. At first, I didn’t wanna do it because it reminded me of home, but then I missed it too much. I put all my pain into my art, and it calms me because when I bake, I don’t think about anything else. It offers me an escape.”
“I wish your college was a short drive from here so we could visit.”
The ease we’d experienced so far in the last few minutes died as I spoke the words out loud.
“No. I don’t want us to visit. We can never go back to what we were. I’m glad you called, and I accept your apologies, but I don’t think we could ever be friends again.”
I swept my lips with my tongue, my heart breaking to pieces inside my chest. “Oh. I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but I was hopeful we could maybe resume our friendship or at least stay in touch.”
“I’m not sure I can.” Before I could say anything, she added, “I’m not sure I want to, anyway. It’s too hard.”
“Oh.” I blinked, trying to dissipate my tears and the wave of my sadness shaking me to my core. “It’s okay. I…I understand.”
“Have you…huh…have you seen Mason around campus? He’s the one person who’s always been on my team.”
“Yes. I have. I asked him about you, but he said you weren’t ready to talk to him after everything that had happened.”
“Yeah. I cut all ties with Elk River. No idea if it’ll help in the long run, but for now it does. I miss his friendship and his energy, though. Don’t tell him. It will only inflate his already giant ego.”
We both burst into soft laughter.
“As if Mase needs more ego boosting.”
“Exactly. I saw an article about him. It’s kinda crazy he’s the starting quarterback so soon. I’m proud of him. I know he’ll do great. After all, he’s a born leader, and he’s so talented.”
“True.” Should I tell her we were dating, or should I keep my mouth shut? I was done with all the lies, so I decided to come clean. “In fact, how do I even say this? Mason and I, we-we’re kinda dating.”
“You and Mase? What happened to Jayden?”
“We broke up at the beginning of the semester. I’m not sure he was the love of my life…”
“And Mason is?”
I smiled despite myself. “I think he could be. We’re happy. It’s still new, though.”
“Wow, you guys made up. How the hell did this happen?”