Chapter 4 #2
“It’s a ‘71, but damn, you know your shit, huh? What, your ex was into cars?” I shocked myself asking about the next nigga.
“Why you jealous?” She asked while looking at me with a devious smile on her face.
“Fuck that nigga. But for real, how you knew…”
“Oh baby, when it comes to a car, vintage, classic or modern, I know ball. In fact, when it comes to a car, I know ball like Kobe in his prime. It was a hobby my father passed down to me. Can I drive it?” She questioned a lil too eager for some shit that wasn’t gon happen.
“Slow up lil baby, you moving way too fast. I had to convince myself that you were even worthy of riding shotgun in my baby.” I said causing her to attempt to mug me, but the expression was more cute than it was menacing.
“Yeah? So, what made me qualified to ride shotgun?” She asked as I opened the passenger door for her to slide in.
“Shit, if you could see the way that ass sitting in those shorts, you wouldn’t have to ask.” I laughed as she slapped my arm in response. I didn’t even have to convince her to ride out with me, her infatuation with my car had done it all. Fuck it, a win is a win.
“Famous muthafucking Amos!” Tearing my eyes away from the comical sight that had my full attention for about thirty minutes and turning to look at an even funnier one reminded me of just why I loved to be in the hood when I didn’t have to be.
“What’s good, Skin. Bones, what the fuck are you wearing bruh?”
When Bones stupid ass looked down at his attire then at me in confusion, I bust out laughing so hard my fucking stomach was hurting.
This nigga never saw shit wrong with his clothing and I used to think that he was just playing like he thought that shit was fly.
His reactions when other people laughed or questioned his attire, told me all the fuck I needed to know.
Skin and Bones were brothers who I had known since I was a lil ass kids running around stealing out the corner store.
And for as long as I can remember, their asses had been known as the funniest crackheads any hood had to offer.
I had always known them by the names, Skin and Bones and even though nobody told me the origin of the nicknames, it wasn’t hard to figure out why they got them.
Skin had vitiligo, I knew what the meant now but when I was younger, I just assumed bleach fell on his black ass.
Like so much other shit he had schooled me on over the years, he made sure he taught me the real reason behind his skin so that I didn’t walk around sounding dumb.
And Bones got his name because even though they were both on the skinnier side of things, I knew that Skin was as small as he was because of the drugs they used.
I had seen enough pictures to know that Bones had always been so skinny the nigga looked fragile and the drug usage didn’t help.
Over time, Skin’s condition advanced to the point that he no longer looked black with white spots on his skin.
Now he looked white, with black markings here and there.
And Bones stupid ass had changed too, except his change wasn’t shit serious and kept everyone who saw him, cracking the fuck up.
I don’t know if the nigga had always been gay or one of his trips to jail did it, but a couple years back, when he returned to the hood, he came back dressed as one of the ugliest hoes I had ever seen.
Shit, Bones looked so fucked up that we all thought the nigga was joking but here it was years later and he still chose to walk around looking stupid as fuck.
Today, I laughed when I saw him because his weird ass had a nappy white wig on his head that was so thin you could see through the shit.
Then he had the nerve to be walking around in a white two piece bathing suit and a long, dirty white fur coat that made me itch just looking at it and some big white shades.
Then if that wasn’t enough to prove that something was mentally wrong with his ass, he was wearing some damn wheat colored Timbs with the shit.
Nigga feet was so big he would have looked like he was going work construction if it wasn’t for the fact that he had cut the part that would have covered his dirty ass toes completely off.
Every damn day it was something with this nigga.
“Ohh uhn uhn, I’ve been holding it down and I’m well known as the one and only Ms. Pretty Black around these parts. Who the fuck is this thick bitch trying to upstage me?” I didn’t even have to follow his line of vision to know who Bones was talking about.
“Every time I try to convince myself that drugs ain’t as bad as they told me they were, my brother proves me wrong. Brandon who the fuck ever called you Ms. Pretty Black?” Skin asked while looking at his brother in disgust.
“You would be surprised.” Bones responded as he mugged Mocha.
She was so busy teaching an older woman how to twerk that she hadn’t even noticed these two walk up.
With all three of our attention on her, she must have felt like she was being watched because she quickly looked around before noticing her audience.
I studied her face as she studied the two additions and just like I knew she would, her ass tried to fight back laughter when she noticed Bones standing there and just what the fuck he was wearing.
When the lady she was dancing with turned and saw she had an audience, I knew it was time to go.
“Alright Mocha, let’s go man.” I pushed up from where I was leaning on side of the car and prayed that she would get the memo to pick up her pace.
“Nah, my new bestie ain’t ready to go, yet.
I know you only tryna rush to leave so I don’t embarrass you, but imma be cool for now, since we got company.
I ain’t gon get on this broke, busted and can’t be trusted ass wanna be Lil Kim.
Done stomped his ass down the street in those size 34 construction worker boots and pissed me clean the fuck off.
And he didn’t even tuck his dick; yet you still can barely see it in that lil ass bathing suit.
And now I know why he left pussy alone and chose to take dick.
It’s cause he couldn’t give none!” This crazy ass woman just said she wasn’t gonna start and that’s just what the fuck she did anyway.
“I’m not doing this with your delusional ass, Wanda.
Go get the damn bike! I done told you that if you dressed up a bit more, you wouldn’t have ever caught me with your nigga.
Baby crack is only wack when it makes you look like that.
” I knew it was about to be some shit when Bones called her Wanda from Holiday Heart, but to bring up her dead ex would for sure make this crazy lady show her ass.
“I’m tryna figure out how a nigga with a dick always smell like fish!
You don’t even have the capability to have a stank pussy, but you smell like one.
And then you think it’s okay to bring up my beloved’s name in front of his fucking son.
That’s punishable by death muthfucka! Do your thang, Amos.
Send that muthfucka to the gayest corner of hell you can find! One head shot will do it!”
“OH MY GAWWWDDD! SHE TRYNA PUT MONEY ON MY HEAAAADDDDD! HELP MEEEE!” I couldn’t even speak as this mf took off full speed back towards the house, they occupied all while screaming like I was really about to shoot his ass.
“It’s no fucking way!” Mocha was in tears, bent over and holding her stomach while laughing from somewhere deep down in her soul.
“That’s one stupid muthafucka. Don’t blame him though. It’s the drugs Fame. And not even the ones he chose to do. He was a crack baby. Nigga couldn’t escape it.” Skin tried to explain the shit away but instead of understanding, I looked at him like he was crazy because he had to be.
“Muthafucka if he was a crack baby, so was yo ass! Y’all got the same fucking mama.”
“Yeah, but I’m a fucking gangsta. That shit ain’t affect me like it did him. I been hard body since the wound.” He barked, hitting his chest to emphasize what he was saying.
“Ya mama had a wound?” I questioned.
“Nigga, everybody mama got a wound. Shit, you musta been a crack baby too!” Before I could correct his ass on it being a womb not a wound, we both peeped a familiar vehicle approaching. “That’s my cue to go. I hate when this nigga comes around.”
“Aye man, what you got against my boy Jude?” I chuckled.
“I don’t trust a nigga that’s always in a bad mood.
Especially a nigga that got money. I be washing cars and shit for my ends and I’m still in a better mood than that evil muthafucka.
I don’t say shit to or around that nigga.
He the type that don’t need a reason to kill you.
So I damn sure ain’t helping him out. I don’t trust that freaky eye muthafucka.
His name fits him perfectly.” Skin finished as Jude stepped towards us with a mug on his face.
“The fuck wrong with that confused ass brother of yours? Nigga almost got hit cause he was so say running in zig zags cause somebody tryna kill him.” Jude directed his question to Skin who didn’t respond. “The fuck wrong with you?”
“Shit, he probably has an issue with you talking at him instead of to him, with yo rude ass.” All three of our heads turned to Mocha and I shook my head because her new sidekick was copying her expression and mugging Jude too.
“Damn, I didn’t even notice your ass here, just chilling in the hood and shit.” I caught the question in Jude’s tone as he looked from her to me. “Shit, for her to be Des home girl, I’m shocked she here kicking it with you and your mama. Nigga you don’t even bring Des around here.”
“That’s cause that mutt thinks she’s too good to hang around us. That bitch jealous that my baby won’t turn his back on me. She knows he’s all I got after his daddy…” her saying that shit made me remember something she said earlier.