Chapter 18
Joe stared up at the ceiling in his room at the Beachcomber.
After the confrontation with Mac, he’d been tempted to spend another night bellied up to the bar.
But since that hadn’t helped anything the last time, he’d come to his room, where he’d stared at the ceiling for the last few hours, torturing himself with thoughts of what Janey might be doing.
Had David convinced her to give him another chance?
Was their engagement back on? Would Mac ever forgive him for sleeping with his sister at her lowest moment?
Was he still the best man in Mac’s wedding, or would he ask one of his brothers to fill the role?
What if Janey had meant what she said to David?
What if she viewed all they had shared as cheap and meaningless, while he saw it as the answer to his every prayer?
Sadly, the ceiling had none of the answers he so desperately needed.
A knock on the door drew his attention off the ceiling. He got up to answer it.
Janey.
As he stared at her beautiful face, he had no idea what to say to her.
“May I come in?”
“Oh, um, sure.” He stepped aside to let her go past him in a cloud of jasmine that awakened his every sense.
Steeling himself for what he might hear, Joe closed the door and then turned to lean against it.
He noticed right away that she was tightly wound, as if she too was nervous about what might transpire between them in the small hotel room.
“I’m sorry for what you heard me say. You have to know I don’t feel that way about. . . us.”
“I was hoping you didn’t.”
“He just. . . He pushed my buttons, and it was out of my mouth before I even took a second to think about what I was saying.” She came over to stand in front of him, looking up at him with those eyes that ruined him every time she trained them on him. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
He shrugged off her apology, as if she hadn’t cut him to the quick with thoughtlessly spoken words.
“Are you back with him?”
“He has cancer.”
They both spoke at once and then took a moment to absorb what the other had said.
Her words hit Joe like a blow to the gut. “So you’re back with him?”
“No. I told him I can’t go back after all that’s happened. He’s been sick for a month and never told me. It’s further proof that we were over a long time ago but chose not to see it.”
Joe held on tight to the doorknob behind him, as if it was an anchor keeping him from breaking into a million tiny pieces. “He must’ve tried to convince you to come back, in light of his. . . illness.”
“He did, and so did his mother. I told them both the old Janey might’ve felt obligated to stand by him through his treatment, but the new Janey is thinking about her own life and what’s best for her—for once.”
“That’s good. That’s what you should be doing.”
“It feels good. It’s not that I don’t have empathy for what he’s about to endure or that I don’t care about him, because I do. I just can’t put my life on hold for him or anyone else anymore. I’ve done that long enough.”
“It couldn’t have been easy to walk away from him when he needs you.”
“Seeing him in bed with another woman has made a lot of things easier than they would’ve been otherwise.”
“I suppose so.” Standing between them was the question Joe couldn’t bring himself to ask, no matter how badly he needed to know. Where does this leave us?
“So, you talked to Mac?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Since the cat was more or less out of the bag, I went with the truth.”
“How did he take it?”
“About how you’d expect.”
Janey chewed on her thumbnail, something he’d noticed she did when she was nervous or unsettled. “It’s really none of his business.”
“Which I told him. Didn’t seem to matter, though. He’s got a real blind spot where you’re concerned, but of course you know that or you would’ve told him yourself.”
“I can’t talk to him about this stuff. He still sees me as a thirteen-year-old in braces.”
“He probably always will. He loves you, Janey. You can’t fault him for that.”
“No, but I can fault him for being an unreasonable buttinsky.”
Joe smiled. “He is that.”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’ll make sure he knows how it all went down.”
“You might want to choose different words.”
Her cheeks flamed with the blush he loved so much. “That’s very dirty, Joe. I’m surprised at you.”
Smiling at her, he held out his arms. “No, you’re not.” When she stepped into his embrace, Joe was finally able to breathe again after torturous hours filled with uncertainty. He held her tight against him, brushing his lips over her fragrant hair. “Rough day, huh?”
“Yeah. Until now.”
Joe breathed her in, steeped in the peace that came over him whenever he held her this way. “You’re tired.”
“Exhausted.”
“Want me to walk you home?”
She drew back to look up at him. “Do you know what I’d really like?”
“What’s that?”
“To sleep curled up next to you. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, Joe. All I know is I feel better when I’m with you than I do when I’m not.”
His throat tightened with emotion at her softly spoken words. “That’s a good place to start.”
“So it’s okay if I stay?”
He took her hand and led her to his bed.
Sitting on the edge, he arranged her so she stood between his legs as he undressed her and helped her into one of his T-shirts.
When she was settled into bed, he stripped down to boxers and joined her.
Sure enough, she curled up to him, her face pressed to his chest, her hand resting on his belly and her leg between his.
He tried to tell himself that tonight was all about peace and comfort, but as usual when she was around, certain parts of his anatomy had other ideas.
“This is what I needed,” she whispered.
He tightened his hold on her. “Me, too.”
“Were you upset earlier?”
“A little bit.”
“Just a little?”
“Okay, a lot.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, sprinkling kisses on his chest that intensified the problem brewing in his lap. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
His fingers tunneled into her thick hair. “I know that.”
She kissed her way to his neck and jaw.
“I thought you wanted to sleep.”
“I do. Eventually.”
“Janey—”
She cut him off by pressing her lips to his in a chaste kiss. Somehow she ended up stretched out on top of him with his erection pulsing between them. “I keep telling myself that I need to leave you alone until I figure things out, but I can’t seem to stay away.”
“You don’t hear me complaining.”
She gazed down at him, and his heart ached with longing. He wanted her to be his. He wanted all their issues worked out and the future clear before them.
“I know the roller coaster ride is tough on you,” she said.
“It was tougher watching you with someone who didn’t deserve you.” He cupped her cheek and guided her back to him for more of those sweet kisses. “That was unbearable.”
She kept her kisses chaste, as if she intended to torment him.
Joe groaned and tightened his hold on her hair, to keep her where he wanted her. “You’re being mean.”
“I’m very, very sorry.”
“You are so not sorry.”
Janey laughed, and he released her hair to comb his fingers through it.
“I know we’re not talking about the future or even tomorrow, but I want you to know that I really, really love you, Janey.” The minute the words were out of his mouth, Joe regretted them, because her smile faded and the playfulness was gone. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay.”
He linked their hands and brought them to his chest. “You’re not ready to talk about serious stuff.”
“I love you, Joe. You have to know that.”
“Sure. I know.” Joe released her hands, helped her off him and sat up.
From behind him, Janey looped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his neck. “Then what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want you to love me, Janey. I want you to love me love me.”
“I just need some more time.”
“Maybe we should take a break until you’re ready.” The hand that had been caressing his chest went still.
“Is that what you want?”
“No, but it may be what I need.”
“Oh. Okay. If that’s how you feel.” Janey got up and reached for her dress.
As he watched her take off the T-shirt he had loaned her, he called himself fifty different names for being so damned stupid. He started to tell her to stop, that he didn’t want her to go, but the words wouldn’t come.
She finished getting dressed and slid her slender feet into sexy silver sandals.
What are you doing? You’re really going to let her leave? Are you out of your mind? “Wait. Janey. Wait.”
On the way to the door, she turned back to him.
He got up and went to her. “I don’t want you to go.”
“But I probably should. I don’t want to hurt you, Joe.”
He took her hands. “Is it at all possible that down the road, at some point, you might maybe love me love me?”
“Yes!” She laughed and threw her arms around him. “Yes, yes, yes.”
Smiling, Joe lifted her off her feet. “I hate when you mince words that way.”
She let her head fall back, laughter gripping her.
He took advantage of the opportunity to nibble on her exposed neck. “Can you give me an idea of how far down the road we’re talking?”
Her fingers sifted through his hair, her eyes alight with amusement. “A block, maybe two.”
“Wow. That close, huh?”
“Yep.”
Setting her down, he kept his hands on her shoulders. “If we’re that close to our destination, perhaps we should hold off on any more. . . how should I say this. . .”
“Hot sex?”
Just hearing her say the words made him want it. He swallowed hard. “As much as it pains me to even suggest it, maybe we should wait until we arrive?”
“That’s probably not a bad idea.”
“It’s a truly terrible idea. Forget I ever said it. Let’s go back to bed.”
Still laughing, Janey resisted his efforts to drag her to bed. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t think it was sort of a good idea.”
“You’re not going to forget this, are you?”
“Nope.”
“And you won’t have sex with me? Really?”
“Not until I’m very, very sure that I’m in love with you.”
“But you’re taking away one of my best weapons to make you fall in love with me!”
“I said we couldn’t have sex.” She pushed him onto the bed and straddled his lap. “I didn’t say we couldn’t do other stuff.”
“What other stuff?” Intrigued, Joe ran his hands up her legs, pushing her skirt up as he went.
“Well, there’s kissing,” she said, pressing soft kisses to his face that made his heart race. “And touching.” She massaged his shoulders and chest.
Joe closed his eyes as he realized it was possible that not having sex with her could be even more exciting than having sex. “What else?”
“Cuddling, snuggling, talking. Dating—like normal people.”
“You want to date.”
Her fingers danced over his skin, giving him goose bumps—among other things. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“No, no problem. So let me get this straight. After we’ve done, well, everything, you want to go back to holding hands?”
She reached for his hand and brought it to her lips, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I love to hold hands. Don’t you?”
“All depends on whose hand I’m holding.”
“What do you think of mine?”
He loved this coy Janey, who was having so much fun playing with him. “Your hand,” he said, nibbling on her fingers, “is my most favorite.”
A smile lit up her face. “Wanna make out?”
“We’re really going on a sex diet?”
“Yep.”
“In that case, I’d love to make out.”
Joe walked Janey home the next morning and headed to the South Harbor Diner where he met Mac and Thomas for coffee just about every morning he was on the island.
Joe told himself it didn’t mean anything that Mac didn’t show.
Perhaps he’d decided to sleep in or to make it an early morning at the marina.
As Joe bought coffee and a blueberry muffin, he figured if Mac was still mad with him, he’d find out soon enough.
Feeling the first sting of coffee against his abused lips brought back memories of the night before.
Making out with Janey for hours had turned out to be among the most exciting and frustrating experiences of his entire life.
After having all of her, it was damned hard to settle for less.
She’d allowed second base but nothing more, and Joe had gone nearly out of his mind with wanting her.
In fact, long after she had fallen asleep in his arms, he’d lain awake vibrating with desire and dissatisfaction.
Janey had to work most of the day, and he had to take care of the final details for Mac’s bachelor party that night, not knowing if the groom-to-be was even talking to him.
“Fabulous,” Joe muttered to himself as he left cash on the table and got up to leave the diner.
With the bachelor party tonight and the bridal shower tomorrow, Joe didn’t expect to see Janey again before tomorrow night at the earliest. Another reason to be in a foul mood.
How was he supposed to make her fall in love with him when they couldn’t spend much time together?
Just as he had that thought, he passed the florist shop.
A bright yellow arrangement caught his eye.
The sunny colors reminded him of Janey as he pushed open the door and stepped inside.
Ten minutes later, he had arranged for delivery of the yellow bouquet to the vet clinic and was laboring over what to write on the card.
When the phone rang, the nosy florist left him to go answer it.
Joe stared at the card. What to say? He chewed on the end of the pen for another minute, until he heard the florist wrapping up her call.
He wrote quickly: “Pick you up at 8 tomorrow night. Wear something sexy. Love, Joe.” By the time the florist returned, he had sealed the note into the tiny envelope.
“That’ll do it.” He figured the news would be all over the island within an hour that Joe Cantrell had sent flowers to Janey McCarthy.
“Very good, Mr. Cantrell. We’ll deliver your order this afternoon.”
“Thanks.” Joe left the shop and whistled all the way to Mario’s.
He confirmed the bachelor party food order, which would be delivered to McCarthy’s Marina at seven.
Checking his watch, he was surprised to realize he had wasted so much time at the florist. He was captain on the eleven o’clock boat back to the mainland and returning on the two.
While he was on the mainland, he had to run home to pick up a suit for tomorrow night.
Approaching the ferry landing, he smiled to himself. “She wants a date? I’ll show her a date.”