Chapter 17 #2
I became involved in the planning for the memorial, which was somehow cathartic when my rational self knew it probably shouldn’t be.
New York slowly recovered, the debris was cleared away, and new construction began.
Against all odds, life went on. I still had nightmares about how Toby died.
I dreamed about the wedding we’d so looked forward to that hadn’t happened.
I went to work, I came home, I went to bed, I got up and did it all again the next day.
As the tenth anniversary approached, I couldn’t do it anymore.
I couldn’t stay in that city, in our apartment, in the job I’d had that day, with the well-meaning people who went out of their way to try to fix the unfixable.
I started looking around for something to do that would get me out of the city, something that would get me off the treadmill my life had become.
Two weeks before the tenth anniversary, I moved out of our apartment and went home to North Carolina.
I couldn’t stay for the dedication of the memorial or all the hoopla that would surround the anniversary.
Leaving our apartment and our city for the last time was one of the most difficult moments in a decade of difficult moments.
I’ve worked for the last year at a small PR firm in Charlotte.
I saw your advertisement for the lighthouse keeper’s position in The New York Times last weekend, and everything about it appealed to me.
I have absolutely no experience running a lighthouse, although where one would get such experience, I couldn’t begin to imagine!
I’m thirty-six years old, well educated in both the classroom and the school of hard knocks.
I’m a reliable person looking for the opportunity to start over in a new place.
I’d be honored to be considered for this position.
Thank you for “listening” to my story. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely, Jenny Wilks.
Alex held the pages in both hands, his head bowed as he absorbed her incredibly moving words.
He already admired her more than he’d admired anyone in a long time.
But after reading her heartfelt words, he suspected he might also be on his way to falling in love with her.
That she’d suffered such an unimaginable loss and could still be so positive and upbeat and fun was a testament to who she was underneath it all.
It was suddenly imperative that he see her. He tucked her letter into a nook in the kitchen to return to Paul in the morning and went to his room to grab a jacket. In the bathroom, he splashed cold water on his face and brushed his teeth. Then he tapped lightly on Paul’s door and opened it.
“What?” Paul muttered.
“I’m going out.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I just… I need to see her.”
“Go ahead. I’ll be here.”
“Thanks, Paul. For showing me the letter and for everything else, too.” In the midst of the daily struggle with their mother, he and his brother didn’t often get into emotional topics if they could avoid them.
But Jenny’s letter was a reminder that life could be short, and there was no time like the present to tell people how you felt about them.
“You, too. Thanks for coming home when I asked you to. I never could’ve done this by myself.”
“I never would’ve let you.”
“Don’t take the bike out in the rain.”
“I won’t.”
“I like her, Al.”
He knew his brother meant Jenny. “I like her, too. Get some sleep.” On the way out the door, he sent Jenny a text. Coming over. Didn’t want to scare you.
Didn’t I just see you?
Wasn’t enough.
Alex ran through the rain to his company truck and headed toward the Southeast Light.
On the way, the story she’d told in her letter ran through his mind like a horror movie.
How did anyone survive a loss like that?
He’d thought it traumatic to lose his dad to cancer, but at least his dad had lived a good long life.
And what was his plan when he got there? Would he tell her what he’d learned about her in the hour since they were last together? At some point, he’d tell her. Maybe not right away, but he’d let her know that he’d read the letter and admired her even more than he had before.
He had to keep in mind what she’d said about not treating her differently after he knew the truth of her past. She didn’t want that and had been very clear on that point.
So he had to make an effort to compartmentalize what he’d learned about her past and put it aside to give the woman she was today what she wanted and needed.
As she hadn’t bothered to lock the gate at the lighthouse, he was able to drive right up to her door. When he cut the engine and the headlights, he noticed the total darkness surrounding the lighthouse. The place was downright spooky.
Holding a flashlight, Jenny met him at the door.
“Did you lose power?”
“Yes, and it’s scary. Is it okay to say I’m really glad to see you?”
He smiled at her as he shut the door and kicked off his shoes in the mudroom. “Yeah, babe, it’s okay to say that.”
“To what do I owe this very nice surprise?”
“I told you. I didn’t get enough of you earlier.”
“You had all of me earlier,” she reminded him as she led him up the spiral stairs to the first level.
The view of her sweet ass in sexy boy shorts on the way up the stairs made his mouth water. At the top of the stairs, she turned abruptly and caught him staring. Alex smiled sheepishly at her. “I’m only human, and that’s a very nice ass you’ve got there.”
“Glad to know all my yoga has been good for something.”
The thought of her bent into all sorts of intriguing positions had him widening his eyes. “Yoga? Could I get a demonstration?”
She set the flashlight on the table, and the small circle of light made the room seem smaller and cozier than usual. “Maybe. If you’re good.”
With his hands on her hips, he brought her in tight against him to ensure she knew how badly he wanted her. “How good do I have to be?”
“Very, very good.”
“I can do that.” He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, absorbing her alluring scent and the peaceful calm that came over him whenever he was near her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Are you sure?”
When she looked up at him with those bottomless brown eyes, Alex decided he couldn’t keep what he knew from her. It wouldn’t be right. “Paul showed me the letter you wrote to the council when you applied for the job.”
Her face lost all expression. “Oh.”
“I hope you’re not mad that I read it.”
“Why would I be mad? You already knew a lot of it.”
“Still… I want to say that if I didn’t already admire you as much as it was possible to admire anyone, I would after reading that.
I know you don’t want to talk about it or dwell on it, and I promise not to treat you differently, but I need you to know I think you’re amazing and resilient and…
” His throat closed around a tight knot of emotion.
“And I’m very honored that you choose to spend time with me. ”
“Alex…” She put her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest. “That’s very sweet of you to say.”
“I mean it.”
“So I might be forgiven for the tomato incident?”
He smiled as her soft hair brushed against his lips. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Can you sleep over?”
“I was hoping you’d ask me to.”
“Good, because I’m a little creeped out by the dark.”
Relieved that they’d successfully navigated yet another emotional minefield, he said, “So that’s all I’m good for? Keeping the boogeyman at bay?”
She took his hand, picked up the flashlight and aimed it toward the set of stairs that led to her bedroom. “You might be good for a few other things, too.”
“That sounds very promising.”
Lightning zigzagged in the sky as Jenny propped the flashlight on her bedside table, which drew Alex’s attention to a framed picture.
He picked it up and took a closer look. “Is this Toby?”
“Yes.”
“He was a good-looking guy.”
“Yes, he was.”
“Where was this the other night when I was here?”
“In the drawer. I didn’t think you needed another guy watching us while we did…you know…that.”
Smiling, Alex returned the frame to the table and ran a finger over the blush that flamed her cheek. “I don’t want you to feel like you ever have to hide him or pictures of him or the life you shared with him from me. He’s part of you, and I’m falling very deeply into serious like with you.”
“Serious like,” she said with a grin. “That’s a good thing?”
“That’s a very good—and very unexpected—thing.”
“For me, too. It’s very good and very unexpected. And it means a lot to me that I don’t have to hide what I shared with Toby from you.”
“I’d never want or expect that. However, we do need to talk about your shameless flirtation with Jared James earlier. Right in front me, too!”
Jenny’s mouth fell open in shock. “I wasn’t flirting with him!”
“Oh Jared,” Alex said in a phony female voice, “come see my lighthouse. Any time.”
“You’ve lost your mind. I was not flirting with him. I knew him years ago at school.”
“Whatever you say. I know flirting when I see it.” Deciding to give her a break, he put his arms around her.
“Get away. You’re being a jerk.”
“I’m teasing you.”
“I wasn’t flirting with him. I wouldn’t do that right in front of you.”
“So you’d do it when I’m not looking?”
“You are an extremely exasperating person sometimes. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Me? Exasperating? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He caught her by surprise with a kiss. “And I know you weren’t flirting with him, but you charmed him nonetheless.”
“That wasn’t my intention. I felt sorry for him when he said he’s nursing a broken heart.”
“That is too bad, but he’s not going to make you his private-duty nurse.”
“Honestly, Alex! What part of I’m not interested in him didn’t you get? For some reason, which is escaping me at the moment, I seem to be interested in you.”
“You are? Really?”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Was this whole thing a roundabout way to get me to admit something you already knew?”
“It worked, didn’t it?”