Chapter 5 #2
The teasing exchange almost felt normal. Almost. The pain was ever present, casting a dark cloud over everything despite the crystal-clear sky above.
“Could I ask you something?” he said after another uncomfortably long silence.
“Anything.”
“Why, exactly, did you shake your head that night? You may not have said the word no, but that’s a no by anyone’s standards.”
Elisabeth gripped her mug tighter, which was necessary as her hands began to tremble. Here it was. The moment of truth. “It was the same thing, the one thing that’s stood between us all along.”
“The goddamned money,” he said with a growl of frustration. “Do you know I’ve spent most of my time here thinking about how I might get rid of it—all of it?”
Knowing how hard he’d worked for everything he had, Elisabeth gasped with surprise at that revelation. “Jared—”
“I’d do it, you know.” He sent her an adorably uncertain glance. “I’d give it all away if it meant I could have you.”
She hung her head in dismay. “You shouldn’t have to become someone totally different. You deserve better than that.”
“I want to deserve you. That’s all I’ve wanted since the first minute I saw you.”
“You do deserve me. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’ve made the money too important. Not in the way some people would, but in another way that isn’t fair to you. I don’t want you to give it all away. You worked too hard for what you have to do that.”
“What does it mean if I can’t have the one person I love more than any other? What does it matter, Lizzie?”
“You still love me that much? Even after what I did?”
“Yeah,” he said, sounding sad. “I love you that much.” He looked over at her, the sadness prevalent in his expression. “I had forty sleepless nights to think about what my life was going to be like without you. I didn’t like the view. Not one bit.”
“I didn’t either. I hated being without you. I felt like I’d had my right arm amputated. Watching you walk away from me that night… It was devastating.”
“I shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve at least seen you home.”
“Richard took me home,” she said, referring to his driver.
“It should’ve been me. That’s another thing that’s tortured me ever since. Why would you want to marry a guy who’d walk away and leave you alone in the middle of the city?”
“I wasn’t alone. You asked Richard to see me home, and he did.”
“Which is just another example of the many privileges I enjoy—including the ability to walk away from the woman I love because I didn’t get what I wanted from her, knowing someone else will see her home.”
“That’s not how it was, Jared.”
“That’s exactly how it was!”
Mustering all the courage she possessed, Elisabeth put her mug on a table and got up to move to his chair. She couldn’t stand to be so close to him, to see him so upset and not be able to touch him.
“What’re you doing?” he asked when she approached his chair.
“Move over.”
He looked up at her for a long, breathless moment before he did as she’d asked, making room for her next to him.
When she was settled, she reached for his hand and linked their fingers. “I love you, too. I love you so much, enough to put aside all the worries and fears about the money and the ideals I’d be sacrificing to spend forever with you.”
“They’re your ideals, and they’re important to you. You said I shouldn’t have to give up what I am for you. Well, the same is true for you.”
“What good are all our beliefs and possessions and ideals if they keep us from the one thing we want more than anything else?”
“What if we both made some changes and gave up a few of the things that’ve stood between us?”
“What kind of changes?” she asked warily.
“I’m not going back to the firm.”
“What? Wait a minute…” His partnership at the brokerage firm was such a big part of who he was. She almost couldn’t imagine him without the custom-made suits and Hermes briefcase.
“I’ve thought about a lot of things since I’ve been here, and that’s one of them. I’m tired of working twelve and sixteen hours a day when I already have more money than I can spend in a lifetime. I’m exhausted. I didn’t know how exhausted I was until I had a month away from the grind.”
“What’ll you do?” The idea of him actually retiring at thirty-eight was inconceivable. He was too dynamic and full of energy to step away completely.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ve thought about relocating, too.”
“To where?”
“Here.”
Elisabeth stared at him, trying to decide if he was serious. He looked to be dead serious.
“Do you know that in the three years I’ve owned this house, I’d spent a grand total of ten days here before this latest visit?
Look at this place. It’s like a slice of paradise, and it was sitting here unused for all that time.
What am I trying to prove and who am I trying to prove it to?
There’re other things I can do besides make money. ”
“Like what? And don’t get me wrong. I think you have many hidden talents, but what do you see yourself doing in this new life you’ve envisioned?”
“Maybe overseeing a foundation that gives away some of the money in a productive way. Maybe helping other people to put their money to work for them. I don’t know. Nothing is solid yet except for the part about leaving the firm. That’s definite.”
“Have you told your partners yet?”
“No.”
“What do you think they’ll say?”
“They’ll be pissed. I’m the rainmaker.”
This was said without an ounce of ego. It was the God’s honest truth, and she knew it as much as his partners did.
“It’s just not what I want anymore.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure.”
“If things hadn’t happened the way they did with us, would you be saying that you wanted out of the firm?”
“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “What happened with you was a wake-up call, though. I can’t deny that.
People like to say money can’t buy happiness, and I’ve always disagreed with that.
I grew up with nothing, so having money made me pretty damned happy.
Until I lost the one thing that money couldn’t buy, and the rest of it stopped being so appealing. ”
“I hate that I caused that,” she said with a sigh of her own.
“You didn’t cause it. You helped me to see that changes were needed.” He glanced at her almost shyly, which was adorable. “What do you think of my island so far?”
“It’s beautiful. I really loved your friends, once I got over thinking you were fooling around with Daisy and Jenny,” she added with a sheepish grin.
“It kills me that you thought I’d be interested in someone else.”
“You do have a bit of a reputation for such things,” she reminded him with a teasing grin. She’d never once suspected him of fooling around on her. They’d spent so much time together, there wasn’t much left for anything—or anyone—else.
“Not since I met you.”
“I’m sorry I thought that. It wasn’t fair of me to show up uninvited and then jump to conclusions.”
“I’m just glad David saw you and convinced you to come back.”
“Are you? Really?”
“Of course I am. The idea that you could’ve been here and I’d never know it…” He shook his head and then glanced at her. “What would you think of relocating from the city to somewhere calmer and simpler?”
“You’re serious.”
“Very serious.”
“What about my job?”
“You’ve given the shelter ten years of twelve- and fourteen-hour days. Aren’t you exhausted, too?”
“Sometimes. But they need me, and I need the job. I have bills that won’t just disappear because I decide to quit my job.”
“I wish you’d let me pay off your loans.”
“We’re not having that conversation again.”
“Why not? Why won’t you let me make your life easier?”
“Because I didn’t set out to have an ‘easy’ life. I wanted a fulfilling life.”
He stood and reached for her hand. “I want to show you something.”
Startled, she looked up at him. “Now?”
“Right now.”
There, finally, was the Jared she recognized. She saw him in the spark of excitement that lit up his eyes as he waited for her to take his hand and let him lead the way. How could she resist him?