Chapter 20
“Are you sure it’s not too soon?” Seamus asked Carolina, long before the alarm they’d set was due to go off.
“It’s what they want, Seamus. Their teachers know what happened, and they’ll call us if it’s not working.”
“It feels too soon.”
“To them it feels like normalcy.”
“How long was Joe out of school when his father died?”
“That was a slightly different situation because we moved here about a month later, so that year was a bit of a mess for him at school. Thank God for Mac McCarthy. The two of them bonded almost immediately and were inseparable all the way through school. Sometimes I think Mac is the one who saved Joe. Mac and his incredible family that took us both in and made us feel loved in our new home. My parents were instrumental, too. ”
“I’m sure you had a lot to do with saving Joe.”
“I did what I could, but I was a wreck for a long time after Pete died. I tried to hide that from Joe, but he knew. He was always a smart, insightful kid, as are Jackson and Kyle. We have to follow their lead and do this their way, not our way.”
“As always, you’re right, love.”
“I’m glad you’ve figured that out so early in our marriage,” she said with the dry humor he loved so much.
He turned on his side to face her. “You’ll keep me from making a mess of this, won’t you?”
“Of course I will. I’m much older and wiser, so just do everything I tell you to do, and we’ll be fine.”
He snorted with laughter. “That’ll be the day.”
She flashed the sly, sexy smile that had been the first thing he loved about her. “It was worth a shot.”
Seamus put his arm around her and dragged her across the bed to him.
“Such a caveman.”
“You love that about me.”
“I love everything about you, but you know what I love best?”
“What’s that?” he asked, slayed by her sweet words and the power of her love.
“I love how badly you want to do right by those boys.”
“I want that so much. I don’t want to screw it up. I want to make everything better for them.”
“You already have, Seamus. It was your idea for us to take them in. What would’ve become of them otherwise?”
“Someone would’ve stepped up.”
“We have no way to know that for sure. They could’ve ended up wards of the state or in foster care or God knows where. Who know if they would’ve been allowed to stay together?”
Seamus shuddered at the thought of any of those scenarios.
“You saved them from an uncertain future. The reason they’re ready to go back to school so soon is because they know you’ll be here and I’ll be here, waiting for them to get home. We’re going to make this work.”
“It means so much to me that you fully embraced my desire to have them, love. At this point in your life, you probably want to be relaxing and sleeping in and doting on your grandbaby, and I’ve made you a mum to two small boys.”
“I had plenty of years to relax and sleep in before you stormed your way into my life and ruined my sleep. I’m as thrilled as you are to be able to make a difference for those little guys. Don’t think for a minute I’m not.”
He pushed himself up onto an elbow and leaned over to kiss her. “Let’s go get our boys up for school.”
Hope came awake suddenly at six o’clock, the time Ethan usually got up. For a moment, she couldn’t remember where she was, but the heavy weight of Paul’s arm around her waist and the hairy leg wedged between hers was a reminder of what’d transpired between them.
They’d been up most of the night and had ended up making love in the shower at three a.m. She’d never had shower sex before and had to say there was something to be said for the way he’d pressed her against the wall and surged into her while the water came down upon them.
Sexiest night of her life, hands down. It pained her to think of what she’d missed out on when she’d thought she was happy with Carl. But in all those years, he’d never paid the kind of attention to her that Paul had in one night.
Her eyes blurred with tears that frustrated her.
What in the world did she have to be teary-eyed over when she was having such a marvelous time with a hot, sexy guy who cared about her son as much as he cared about her?
Her belly tightened around the grinding sense of dread she’d carried with her since Carl was arrested, while she waited for the next disaster to strike.
Surely nothing that felt as good as she did with Paul could possibly last. With tears sliding down her cheeks, she eased herself out of Paul’s embrace and got up to go to the bathroom.
Every muscle in her body protested against the movement, and the soreness between her legs was indicative of an overly indulgent night.
She hadn’t ached like this since her first time with Carl.
She’d been just a kid then. What had she known then about what truly mattered in life?
She brushed her teeth and caught sight of the rat’s nest her hair had dried into after going to bed with it wet from the shower and ran a brush through it.
Her jaw was covered in red spots from where Paul’s whiskers had rubbed against her skin.
She brought her fingers up to touch them, amazed by the passion that had resulted in her skin being rubbed raw.
How could she have lived for so many years without knowing it was possible to do and feel the things she’d experienced last night?
She startled when his arm slid around her waist from behind.
“I woke up, and you were gone.” He kissed the back of her shoulder. “Scared me.”
“I woke up at my usual time after almost eight years of six a.m. wake-ups.”
“That’s brutal.”
“That’s my life.”
“Not today it isn’t. Come back to bed for a little while.”
She let him lead her back to bed and tuck her in.
He leaned over to kiss her. “Be right back.” He went into the bathroom, closing the door and returning with the fresh taste of toothpaste on his lips when he kissed her again. “You going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Why do you look so lost, then? Was last night too much? I kept telling myself to let you sleep, but you kept looking so sweet and sexy.”
“It wasn’t too much.”
He slid his hand up her thigh to cup her intimately, making her gasp. “Are you sore? Here?”
“Yeah.”
“It was too much, then.”
“It was perfect. I loved everything we did. I’m sore because it’s been such a long time since I did anything like that. Forever, if I’m being honest.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never had sex like that, Paul. I didn’t even know it was supposed to be like that.”
His brows narrowed with displeasure. “He didn’t take care of you?”
“Not the way you did.”
“Well, that’s a goddamned crime. They should’ve put him away for that, too.”
His vehemence made her laugh, and then the tears were back, once again pissing her off with the way they appeared out of nowhere to remind her that her heart had once been shattered. It had healed, but she was different now than she’d been then, less trusting, more cynical.
With gentle strokes of his fingers, he brushed them away. “Why the tears?”
“I don’t know exactly. Emotional overload maybe?”
“If this is happening too fast for you, we can dial it back a notch.”
“What would that entail?”
“Whatever you want it to. The last thing I want to do is overload you—physically or emotionally.”
“I kind of liked the way you overloaded me last night.”
“Only kinda?” He pushed his erection against her leg. “I gotta work harder.”
“Please don’t,” she said with a laugh. “You’ll kill me.”
“Since I have no desire to kill you, how about we go find some breakfast and then hit the beach?”
“You want to get up this early on a rare day off?”
“I’m already up.” He pressed against her again, making her laugh. “May as well seize the day. We can nap later.”
“Mmm, a nap. What’s that like?”
“You haven’t lived until you’ve had the Paul Martinez nap special.”
“I’ll look forward to that all day.”
“Hey, Hope?”
“Hmm?”
“It’s okay to relax and enjoy yourself a little. Nothing bad is going to happen.”
There was nothing he could’ve said that would’ve meant more to her in that place and time.
After they checked in at home and called the hospital to learn Marion had spent a quiet night, they set out to take full advantage of their scenic location.
Hope did as directed and threw herself into enjoying a blissful day with Paul.
He was funny, charming, solicitous and affectionate—the same way he’d been before they had sex.
It was a relief to realize he wasn’t going to turn into someone different because he’d gotten what he wanted.
By the time they returned to their room later that afternoon, she was drunk off the sun and the thrill of being the subject of his undivided attention.
He made her feel important by listening carefully to everything she had to say.
His unwavering focus made her feel seen in a way she never had been before.
She wanted to dive into bed with him and pick up where they’d left off in the early morning hours, but her body wasn’t having it.
“I know what you need,” he said.
“I told you. I don’t think I can.”
“Such a dirty mind! That’s not what I was suggesting at all.”
Hope eyed him skeptically.
“Take off your bathing suit and get on the bed, facedown.”
“And I have a dirty mind?”
“Trust me?”
Oh God, what a loaded question! “I want to.”
He kissed her forehead and tugged at the tie to her bikini top. “I promise you won’t be sorry.”
“Okay then…” She removed her top and then her bottoms, feeling her skin tingle as he took a long, leisurely look at her. Averting her gaze, she went to lie on the bed as directed, telling herself that everything that’d happened so far had been awesome. Surely this would be, too, right?
Paul had sensed her underlying tension all day.
It was a huge step for her to become intimate with him, and it was almost as if she expected him to turn into a dick today or something.
After everything she’d been through, that was understandable.
But he was determined to prove that she could trust him and that he was nothing like the man who’d hurt her so badly.