Chapter 28
Mallory cleared her throat and prayed for the courage to get through this.
“Dear Mom,
“I can’t believe it’s already been a year since I lost you, and so much has changed for me in that time.
Before I say anything else, I want you to know how much I miss you and love you and appreciate everything you sacrificed to make sure I had a wonderful childhood and life.
You always used to say the two of us were a team, and I loved being on that team with you.
“After you died, I found the letter you left where you knew I would find it, finally giving me my father’s name and telling me where he was.
I spent a few days reeling from the contents of that letter, and trying to understand your fears about what might’ve happened if he’d known about me.
Then I went to Gansett Island, hoping to have the chance to meet him and let him know I existed.
I had no plan beyond that, but then again, I hadn’t met him yet.
How could I know what would happen after he knew about me? ”
Mallory glanced at Big Mac, who hung on her every word. “What can I say about my father other than he’s quite possibly the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
“Ah, damn,” Big Mac said softly.
“From the minute we met and I shared your letter with him, he has made me part of his life and his family. And what a family I have through him. Four brothers, a sister, four sisters-in-law, a brother-in-law, two nephews, a niece, two uncles and four cousins, not to mention a wonderful stepmother who has willingly and happily accepted me into their family. I have gained twenty-one new family members, counting my cousin’s three kids, and we’re expecting two new arrivals soon.
I found out I look exactly like my father’s mother did at my age.
Can you begin to understand what that means to me?
To finally know, at age thirty-nine, where my dark hair and brown eyes come from?
“I’ve spent a lot of time with my new family over the last year and have gotten to know each of them.
My brother Mac is the clown. He’s forever coming up with new ways to get himself in trouble while making me laugh so hard, I forget to breathe.
I already know that if I ever need him for anything, he’d drop everything and come running to help me out.
Grant, a writer, is quieter but just as funny as Mac when he wants to be, and so smart about everything.
Adam, the family’s technical expert, is loyal and sweet and devoted to his family, but he also loves a good laugh and gets right into the scrum with his siblings.
Evan, the musician, continues to surprise me with his many talents.
Just when I think I’ve seen the full extent, he picks up a banjo and blows me away all over again.
Janey is the baby of the family and plays the role to the hilt, driving her older brothers, who call her ‘Brat,’ crazy with the way she needles them.
She’s sweet and kind and crazy about animals of all sorts, especially the special-needs animals no one wants. ”
Linda wiped at a tear. “They sound so wonderful when described through your eyes.”
“They are wonderful,” Mallory said, wiping at her own eyes.
“My stepmother, Linda, runs the entire show with a fierce love for her family. Nothing gets by her. They call her Voodoo Mama because she always knows what her kids are up to, even now that they are adults. She has been so good to me from the first time we met, and I am thankful to have her in my life. My uncles, Frank and Kevin, my father’s brothers, and their adult kids Laura, Shane, Riley and Finn, are like the frosting on a very nice cake, not to mention the wide circle of family friends who have accepted me into their ranks and made me feel so at home with them.
I am blessed beyond all belief to be part of this incredible family and the community that surrounds them.
“And yet, I have struggled with anger and sorrow over what I missed out on. I don’t get a lot of their jokes.
I wasn’t there to help make the childhood memories they created together and cherish as adults.
I’m one of them, but I’m not one with them.
Despite their warm and loving welcome, the decades we should’ve had are lost, and we can’t ever get them back. ”
Mallory paused for a moment before she continued.
“Now that I’ve met him and gotten to know him, I’m certain that my father would’ve been there for me when I was growing up, even if it meant traveling from his beloved island to be with me in Providence.
He would’ve come for parent-teacher conferences, softball games, basketball games, my proms and my graduations.
He would’ve been there for me when Ryan died so suddenly, and he would’ve held my hand when I was losing you.
He would never have tried to take me from you.
That’s not who he is, and I can’t believe you didn’t know that for sure, because you knew him. ”
Big Mac used his napkin to dab at his eyes.
“You denied us both the opportunity to be there for each other, and it’s very difficult for me to forgive you for that.
But I’m going to try, because if I don’t, I fear the bitterness will swallow me whole.
I refuse to carry that kind of burden with me for the rest of my life.
I can’t possibly know what you were thinking or feeling when you made the decision to keep him out of my life.
In the last year, I’ve accepted that I’ll never know why you made the choices you did or why you thought I was better off without my father.
Now that I’ve had the chance to say these words out loud, I’m going to do my very best to let it go, to build a bridge and get over it.
We can’t change the past. We can only live for right now, and I can’t let my present and future be clouded by a past I had no control over.
While I wish you’d given me my father sooner, I will remain thankful forever that you gave him to me when you did. Better late than never.
“I pray every day that you are resting in peace and watching over me like you promised you would. I hope that you know how happy I am to have my father and his family in my life, and I’m sure you’re keeping a close eye on what’s happening between me and Quinn.
I’ll love you always. Mallory.”
She folded the pages and laid them on the table.
“That’s a beautiful letter, Mallory,” Linda said. “Do you feel better now that you’ve written it down and spoken the words out loud?”
“I do. The process of having to think about what I would say and then writing it down was very therapeutic.”
“I would’ve done all that,” Big Mac said gruffly. “I would’ve been there for everything.”
“I know that.”
“I’m so sorry, Mallory. It makes me crazy to know you grew up without me when it didn’t have to be that way.”
She put her hand over his. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
He turned his hand to grasp hers. “You’re a daughter that anyone would be proud of, and I love you very much.”
Mallory blinked back the sudden rush of tears. “I love you, too. Both of you. And I’ll never have the words to adequately thank you for the way you’ve welcomed me into your family.”
“Our family,” he said. “Yours, too, and what you said about how you’re one of us but not one with us?”
Mallory nodded.
“It might feel that way, but you are absolutely one with us. You should never feel otherwise.”
“I’ll work on that.”
“In the meantime,” he said, “I’d like to hear more about what’s going on with this Quinn fellow.”
“Mac!” Linda said, rolling her eyes.
“What? She’s my daughter, and she’s got a new guy. I have questions.”
“You wanted a father,” Linda said, laughing.
“Are you bringing him to the wedding?” Big Mac asked.
“I am.”
“Excellent. He and I can have a conversation.”
“A conversation?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” Linda said. “You’re about to see a whole new side of your dear old dad.”
Quinn was determined to dance with Mallory at the wedding—and to make love to her afterward. Sleeping next to her every night but not being able to touch her the way he wanted to was far more painful than the concussion.
He’d been back on his leg for two days, and while it wasn’t entirely comfortable yet, it beat the hell out of the crutches.
Quinn checked his watch. Where the hell was Jared? Just as he had the thought, a knock sounded at the door. He left the bedroom and walked carefully to the front door to admit his brother, who carried a suit bag over his shoulder.
“Come in.”
“You’re getting around well.”
A week ago, it would’ve bugged him to feel like Jared was assessing his mobility. Now he had bigger things to worry about. “Let me see the suits.”
“Yes, sir,” Jared said with a grin. “Like I said on the phone, your shoulders are broader than mine.”
“No, they’re not. We’re the exact same size.”
Jared produced handmade suits in gray, navy and navy pinstripe. Having a billionaire for a brother had its advantages.
Quinn gravitated to the gray one and put the jacket on over his T-shirt. “See? I told you. Perfect fit.”
“Lizzie told me to bring shirts and ties, too, because if you don't have a suit, you probably don’t have the shirt or the tie either.”
“I have them. I just don’t have them here.”
Jared sat on the other sofa and watched as Quinn chose a shirt and tie to go with the gray suit. “Good to see you off the crutches.”
“It’s good to be back on two feet again.”
“How’s the dome?”
“Still hurts if I move too quickly, but better than it was. Sorry for all the time out of work. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care about that.”
“And don’t worry,” Quinn said with a grin for his brother, “I’m not going to sue you for the shitty basement stairs, either.”
“You’re a pal.”
Quinn held up a light blue shirt with a navy-blue-and-silver-striped tie. “What do you think?”
“Works for me.”
“Thanks for the loan.”