Chapter 4
Chelsea wiped down the bar for the third time in an hour.
The Beachcomber was slow tonight, which was the exact opposite of what she needed to keep her mind busy.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin’s expression when she’d told him she wanted a baby.
After their awkward conversation, she sort of wished she hadn’t said anything.
He was going to be fifty-three in a few weeks. What the hell would he want with another child when his were in their late twenties?
Every time someone walked into the bar, her heart skipped a beat until she realized it wasn’t him. Every time, the disappointment took her breath away.
God, how in the hell had she let this happen? How had she, who’d remained stubbornly and happily single all these years, allowed herself to fall for a guy who was at a totally different place in his life than she was in hers? How had she allowed him to become so indispensable to her?
After giving her a kiss and telling her to have a good night at the bar, he’d gone off to see a few patients before poker with his brothers.
He never said he’d see her later or if she’d see him at all.
It wouldn’t surprise her if she never saw him again.
Almost every night that she worked, he came by at one point to have a beer or a bowl of chowder, sometimes both.
His visits were the high point of her shift, and she’d begun to look forward to his arrival.
He probably wasn’t coming tonight, and she couldn’t blame him.
But that didn’t quell the disappointment that festered within her.
She’d made a huge mistake dropping this on him the way she had.
He was about to be officially divorced, free and clear for the first time in more than thirty years.
His sons were through college and fully grown.
What in the hell would he want with another child at this point in his life?
Her heart ached at the thought of losing him. What’d begun as a one-night stand had turned into something so much more than she’d ever had with anyone else. The sixteen years between them had never been an issue until now.
Ugh, she felt sick. Why hadn’t she kept her mouth shut about the baby? Things with Kevin had been so good…
“Hey, Chelsea,” Niall Fitzgerald said as he took a seat at the bar. He was one of the regular performers at the Beachcomber and had become a friend during the summer he’d spent on the island.
“Hi, Niall. Guinness?”
“You know I never say no to that.”
“Coming right up.”
Chelsea went through the motions of pouring the thick, dark beer without giving it a thought. She’d done it so many times, it was like second nature to her. She placed the glass on a Beachcomber cocktail napkin in front of Niall.
“Thank you.” He took a sip of the beer. “Mmm, that’s good, and well poured as always. You’d make the bartenders back home very proud.”
Niall had short brown hair and big blue eyes that, along with his gorgeous Irish accent and beautiful singing voice, got him a lot of attention from the ladies who patronized the Beachcomber. “When’re you gonna leave that doctor of yours for me, my love?”
And he was a flirt of the highest order. Normally, Chelsea laughed him off, but tonight his question hit like an arrow to the chest and had her blinking back tears.
“Whoa, Chelsea… I’m sorry. What did I say?”
“Nothing,” she said, waving off his concern. “I’m just having a rough day.”
“Everything okay with Doctor Kevin?”
“Yeah, it’s all good.”
He leaned in and lowered his voice. “I’ve been told I’m a good listener. If you need a friend, I’m right here.”
Chelsea was tempted. The bar was dead and her emotions were a jumbled mess. What would it hurt to air it out with a guy who’d become a friend over the last few months? “If I tell you, it doesn’t go any further, right?”
He pretended to turn a key over his lips. “I’m a vault. I promise whatever you tell me stays between us.”
Chelsea hesitated, but only for a second. She needed to talk to someone. With her elbows on the bar, she leaned in close enough to Niall that they couldn’t be overheard by the few patrons at the bar.
“I told Kevin today that I’d like to have a baby.”
To his credit, Niall didn’t express surprise or shock or horror—any of the emotions she’d seen in Kevin’s reaction earlier. “What’d he say?”
“He was freaked out, not that he said that, but I could tell.”
“He looks about forty, but I think he’s probably older…”
She nodded. “He’ll be fifty-three in September.”
Niall blew out a low whistle.
“And his sons are twenty-six and twenty-eight.”
“Hmm. So I’ll bet he isn’t exactly walking around pining for another wee one.”
“Not exactly,” Chelsea said, feeling dejected. “Now I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Why would you think that? If you want a baby, you should have a baby.”
“But I want him, too,” she said softly.
Niall reached across the bar to rest his hand on top of hers. “That’s a tough one. I don’t deny it, but if he’s not interested in having a baby, you’ll have to ask yourself which you want more—the baby or him.”
“I can’t imagine having to choose.”
“You may have to, love.”
“I know,” she said, blinking back tears. “That’s what makes this so hard. I really do love him. I didn’t expect to, but that’s what happened. And now…”
Niall raised a brow. “Now what?”
“Now I don’t know where we stand or if we’re over or what.
I hate that I’ve put all this uncertainty into a relationship that was going really well before today.
” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kevin come into the bar.
He stopped short at the sight of her talking to Niall. Then he turned and walked out.
“Kevin!”
“Go on after him,” Niall said. “I’ll hold down the fort for you.”
Chelsea didn’t hesitate to take him up on the offer. She bolted from behind the bar and ran through the lobby toward the back door. Outside, she saw him heading for the parking lot. “Kevin! Wait!”
He stopped but didn’t turn around. The hard set of his shoulders told her he was pissed off.
She took hold of his arm and turned him to face her. “Where’re you going?”
“Home.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t like walking in there and seeing you holding hands with another guy, especially after the way we left things earlier.”
“I wasn’t holding hands with him! I was talking to him about you, and he was comforting me.”
He laughed bitterly. “Sure he was.”
“Kevin, look at me.” She waited until his gaze met hers. “He’s my friend. That’s all he is. You…”
“What am I?” he asked, his voice gruff with emotion.
“Everything.”
He sighed, his posture losing some of its rigidness. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. I know Niall is your friend. I’ve just been really…”
“What?”
“Spun up about what you told me earlier.”
“Let’s just forget I said that and go back to the way things were.”
His fingers on her chin forced her to look up at him. “We can’t go back, honey. You were honest about what you want, and I always want you to be honest with me. But I need a little time to wrap my head around this.”
Her stomach ached with worry and regret for having rocked their boat. “How much time?”
“I don’t know. I need to think about this, Chels.”
She shook her head. “I never should’ve said anything.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You haven’t messed up anything.”
Though he said what he thought she needed to hear, she could tell by the furrow of his brow and the tension she’d never seen before in his jaw that she’d messed up everything. She took a step back from him. “I have to go back to work.”
“Okay.”
“Will I see you later?”
“I’m gonna go home tonight and get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
They hadn’t spent a night apart in more than six months. She nodded, determined to remain unemotional until he walked away. The second he was gone, though, tears rolled down her cheeks. He hadn’t kissed her goodbye or told her he’d be back so she wouldn’t have to leave the bar alone at closing.
Chelsea watched him go, feeling like she’d lost something precious.
Kevin felt like crap for leaving her like that, with so many unanswered questions lingering between them.
But he didn’t have any of the answers, and he needed some time and space to figure out how he really felt about her, them, the possibility of more children.
His brain was like a whirling pit of thoughts that refused to add up to anything that made sense.
In the kitchen, Riley was making a sandwich of turkey, cheese and white bread, whereas his brother would’ve wanted multigrain bread and every condiment in the fridge. They teased Riley about still eating like a kindergartener.
“Hey,” Kevin said, dropping his keys on the counter.
“What’re you doing here?” Riley asked.
“Um, I thought I lived here?” Kevin took a beer from the fridge and used the opener that was always on the counter to open it. Deb would’ve put it away. He left it out because he could.
Riley laughed. “You keep your clothes here. That’s about it.” Riley took a big bite of his sandwich and helped himself to the beer Kevin had opened.
“Sure, have mine. I’ll get another.”
“Thank you.”
Riley sat at the table and ate the sandwich in four big bites. “You’re not hanging with Chelsea tonight?”
“No, not tonight.”
Riley raised an eyebrow. “You guys have a fight?”
“Nah, nothing like that.”
“Something’s up.”
Kevin opened another beer and took it with him to sit at the table with his son. “Chelsea wants to have a baby.”
Riley choked on a mouthful of beer. He coughed so hard, his eyes watered. When he could speak again, he said, “What the hell did you just say?”
Kevin scowled at him. “You heard me.”
“You’re seriously thinking about having another kid at your age?”
“You say that like I’m eighty.”
“Dad, come on… Is this really what you want, or would you be doing something huge for her that doesn’t work at all for you?”
“I don’t know. I told her I need to think about it.”
Riley sat back in his chair, but his gaze never wavered as he took a good long look at Kevin. “I know you really like her.”