Chapter 5
“Chelsea—”
“Get. Off.”
He withdrew from her, his cock throbbing with unfilled desire. Flopping onto his back, he tried to collect thoughts that were once again spinning through his mind like a cyclone.
She got up, put her nightgown back on and went into the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Fuck…
He sat up, ran his fingers through his hair and wished he could take back the last five minutes. Going to the bathroom door, he knocked. “Chelsea, honey, I’m sorry. I know better than to ask you that. It was heat of the moment. Forgive me? Please?” Receiving no reply, he knocked again. “Chelsea…”
The door opened, and she pushed past him. “You should go.”
“Baby, I said I was sorry.”
Sitting against the pillows, she wrapped her arms around her legs. “I can’t believe you would think for one second, heat of the moment or not, that I would trap you into giving me a baby.”
“I never thought you would do that.”
“Then why would you ask me if I’m still on the pill while we’re making love?”
“Because I’m an idiot, and I wasn’t thinking.” He sat on the bed, putting a hand on either side of her hips. “I’m sorry.”
Her chin quivered and her eyes filled. “You really think I’m capable of something like that?”
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry.” He rested his hand on her leg, waiting for her to kick him away, but she didn’t.
Tears spilled down her cheeks, and he hated himself for making her cry.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He held out his arms to her and was thankful when she allowed him to hold her. “I’m so, so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I would never do that you, Kevin. I swear to God.”
“I know. I believe you.” He’d come over here wanting to fix things between them, and instead, he’d made everything worse.
Running his hand over her hair, he held her for a long time, while wondering if the damage they’d done to their relationship during the last twenty-four hours could ever be fixed.
Chelsea couldn’t sleep. She should’ve kicked Kevin out of her bed and her home after he’d had the audacity to ask her such a thing while they were making love! As if she’d ever have to trap a man or trick him into fathering her child! So insulting…
And yet, she couldn’t exactly blame him for asking.
God, what a mess she’d made of things. Blurting out she wanted a baby to her boyfriend or lover or whatever he was hadn’t been the brightest thing she’d ever done.
Of course, he freaked out. His sons were grown. The baby stage of his life was long behind him. What in the world would he want with another child at this point in his life? He wouldn’t want that.
Her heart sank at the thought of losing him and the relationship that had come to be so important to her.
She never would’ve expected that first night to turn into something so significant, but it had, and now she was deeply in love—for the first time in her life, if she were being honest—with a man who had already been there, done that with kids and had entered a new phase of freedom that he wouldn’t want to give up, even for her.
She couldn’t tell if he was asleep next to her. Usually she slept curled up to him, his arms around her, and she loved that and missed the warm comfort of his embrace.
“Are you asleep?” he whispered.
“No.”
He turned to face her, putting his arm around her. “I’m so sorry I asked you that, Chels. I know you’d never try to trick me or trap me or anything like that.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“I know that, and I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I don’t blame you for asking after I dropped the baby thing on you out of nowhere.”
“Still… It was shitty of me to ask you that, especially when I was inside you.”
She placed her hand on top of his.
He turned his hand up and linked their fingers.
“It was shitty of me to drop something so huge on you out of the blue.”
“You should be able to say anything you want to me. I want to know what you’re thinking and what you want.
How can I help you get it if I don’t know?
” After a long pause, he said, “I have to be honest with you… I was surprised to hear you want a baby because you’ve never said anything about that before. ”
“I know.”
He waited, giving her space to collect her thoughts. “I told you about how my dad left us when I was in high school and ended up marrying my friend’s mother, right?”
“Yes, you did.”
“That really messed me up.”
“Of course it did.”
“I’ve been very determined, for my entire adult life, to stay single and unencumbered.
I never wanted to be in a position to do to someone what my father did to my mother and our family.
” It was the most she had ever said to anyone about how her father’s betrayal had affected her.
“But then I met you, and my attempts to stay emotionally unattached failed miserably.”
He laughed as he put his arms around her and drew her in close to him. “We said we’d reassess when my divorce is final, which it should be any day now.”
“All this time, I’ve been sort of half waiting to hear that you’re getting back together with her.”
“I am not getting back together with her. Not now and not ever.”
“Because of me?”
“In part, but also because of me. I didn’t realize how truly unhappy I was with her until she left me and forced me to confront the truth. We were over long before we split, and I’m happier now than I’ve been in years—and that is definitely in large part because of you.”
“Before I mentioned wanting a baby, what did you see happening for us after your divorce was final?”
“I was hoping you’d let me move in with you or, if you wanted, we could get a new place together.”
“And what if…”
“What, sweetheart?” He ran his fingertip over her face and down to outline her mouth.
“What if you woke up a year from now and realized you never got a chance to be truly single before you took up with me? What if you had regrets about getting serious with someone else so soon after your marriage ended?”
“I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you that can’t happen, because I’ve seen it happen in my practice.”
Hearing that didn’t do much to calm her fears.
“But what I can tell you for certain is you make me happy. Being with you makes me happy, the kind of happy I’ve never been before.
Can I promise that what we have is going to last the rest of our lives?
No, I can’t. No one can make that kind of promise.
All I can do is tell you I love you and assure you that when I tell you that, I mean it. ”
Chelsea gazed into his eyes, the waning light from the candle allowing her to see his face. “I know you do. I love you, too. I’ve never been in love like this before.”
With his free hand, he cupped her cheek. “That’s a damn good place to start.”
She nodded. “Will you do something for me?”
“Anything.”
“Will you tell me the truth if you really don’t want to have a baby with me?”
“I’ll tell you the truth as soon as I figure out what the truth is. I really do need some time to think about it.”
“I understand. It’s a big deal.”
“Yes, it is. It’s a lifetime commitment that we should both be sure we want before we dive into it.
I’m not saying no, Chels. I’m saying we need to really talk about it and think it through and be completely certain we’d be bringing a child into this world for the right reasons.
And I have to put this out there, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way… ”
“Okay…”
“Realizing you’re running out of time is not the right reason to have a child.”
“I know. I’ve been thinking about that, too.”
“When was the last time you spent time with a baby?”
“It’s been a while. When my niece and nephew were small.”
“What would you say if we offered to babysit for Laura and Owen some night soon? With three kids under the age of three, that’d give us both a good refresher course.”
“I’d be up for that.”
“I’ll see how they feel about a night out on Sunday.” That was one of her two nights off from the bar.
“Okay.”
Kevin kissed her while continuing to caress her face. “We don’t have to figure this out overnight, and we don’t need to let it come between us.”
“I don’t want that any more than you do.”
“Then let’s take our time and make the best decision we can for both of us.”
“Sometimes sleeping with a shrink has its advantages.”
He smiled, and the turmoil that’d been swirling inside her settled.
“One thing I can promise you, sweetheart, is that I’ll never, ever do to you what your father did to your mother or what Deb did to me. That’s not something you need to worry about with me, okay?”
Chelsea nodded. “You don’t have to worry about it, either.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Were you really jealous when you saw me talking to Niall?”
“I was on fire with jealousy. I don’t want other men touching you, even men you’re friends with.”
“That’s fair enough, but he was just being nice to me.”
“I didn’t like it.”
“You’re very sexy when you’re possessive.”
“You’re very sexy all the time.”
“You got yourself in trouble before you could finish what you started,” she said, rising to kiss his chest.
“So I did.” He ran his fingers through her hair as she used her tongue to outline the lines and grooves of his abdominal muscles.
The time he spent in the gym was put to good use. If she didn’t know how old he was, she would’ve guessed a decade younger. He had the stamina of a much younger man, and she’d had better sex with him than with men twenty years his junior. There was something to be said for maturity and experience.
After a year together, she knew just how to touch him and drive him crazy.
Wrapping her hand around his hard cock, she stroked him as she continued to kiss his abdomen.
His muscles tensed as he waited to see what she would do next.
She didn’t disappoint him, sucking the head of his cock into her mouth and adding her tongue to the mix.
He gasped and tightened his hold on her hair.