Chapter 8
Maddie woke with a start, hours later than her kids normally had her up. She looked over at Mac, still asleep next to her, and realized she’d conked out on him the night before.
So much for a romantic night together.
She bit back a groan. What was wrong with her? She’d looked forward to the night alone with her husband for days and then fell asleep?
Maddie wasn’t sure why her deepest insecurities had been having such a field day with her lately.
Perhaps it was because she couldn’t seem to shed the weight she’d gained having their third child or maybe it was having a five-year-old, which was the age she’d been when her father left the island on a ferry one day, not to return for almost thirty years.
Mac was nothing like Bobby Chester. He would never leave her or their children.
She knew that for certain, so why did she have those thoughts anyway?
Years of feeling not good enough had left deep wounds that even the love of the most extraordinary man couldn’t completely heal. She was preprogrammed to expect things to go wrong, and reasonable or not, she never wanted to disappoint the man who’d changed her life so profoundly with his love.
He’d given her everything, and she wanted to do the same for him. She never wanted to be a source of disappointment to him, even over something silly like falling asleep early on their night alone together.
Turning on her side to face him, she rested her hand flat on the muscular abdomen that hard work had honed. Watching him sleep, she marveled at how angelic he seemed, which was a word she didn’t often use to describe him when he was awake.
“I can feel you looking at me,” he said gruffly, keeping his eyes closed as he reached for her.
Maddie snuggled up to him and immediately felt less wound up than she had only a few minutes ago. Even when he made her crazy with his pranks, wild ideas and over-the-top enthusiasm for life, he also calmed her the way no one else ever could.
“What’re you thinking about?”
“Things that would make you mad.”
His eyes popped open, blue and intense. “What things?”
“I’m sorry I fell asleep on you last night.”
“Don’t be sorry. You were exhausted.”
“Still…”
“You aren’t thinking I’m mad about that, are you?”
“I’m mad at myself. We get so little time alone, and I wasted it by sleeping.”
“Madeline…” The note of warning registered in the way he said her name.
“What?”
“Stop it. Whatever you’re thinking or spinning or doing in that pretty head of yours, knock it the hell off.
I don’t care that you fell asleep, and we have time alone every night after we put the monkeys to bed.
We have a lifetime of nights together to look forward to.
One night isn’t going to make or break us. ”
“I know.”
“What’s this about, babe? You haven’t been yourself lately.”
“I don’t know.”
“Should you see Vic?” he asked of the island midwife who’d seen Maddie through four pregnancies, three deliveries and one excruciating loss. In a small island community like theirs, Victoria provided a wide assortment of health-related services to the moms she worked with.
“Maybe.”
“Do I need to be worried?”
“No.”
He cupped her cheek, compelling her to look at him. “If you hurt, I hurt.”
To her mortification and surprise, her eyes flooded with tears that spilled down her cheeks.
“Maddie, sweetheart,” he said, sounding helpless and baffled. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. I just feel so… afraid lately, worried that something bad is going to happen.”
He gathered her into his embrace, kissing away her tears and rubbing her back. “Nothing bad is going to happen.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“No, I don’t, but there’s nothing to worry about. Everyone is safe and happy and thriving.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, attempting to pull back from him, which he wouldn’t allow. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together. I don’t want you to be anxious or worried about anything.”
“I can’t seem to help it lately. Thomas is five and… it’s just…”
“That’s how old you were when your father left,” he said, his tone flat and lacking its usual animation. “You don’t honestly worry about that happening to him, do you?”
“No. Not for one second do I think you’d ever do that to him—or us.”
“I wouldn’t, Maddie. Where else on this earth would I rather be than right here with you and our kids?”
“Nowhere. I know that.”
“But deep inside, you’re still that five-year-old girl sitting in the window watching the ferries and hoping her daddy will come back, aren’t you?”
His understanding, always insightful and on the mark, was one of the things she loved best about him. No one had ever seen her quite the way he did. “I don’t want to be her.”
“She’s always with you, waiting for disaster to strike.
You can’t help that.” As he spoke, his hand dipped under the hem of her T-shirt to caress her back.
“But that little girl doesn’t ever, ever have to worry about me leaving her or her children, because she and our children are my whole world. Nothing else matters.”
Maddie hiccupped on a sob that made her feel silly and helpless at the same time. What in the world did she have to be crying about? She had the life she’d always wanted and the love of a man she couldn’t have conjured in her wildest dreams.
He smoothed away her tears and kissed her softly and sweetly. “Tell me what I can do, how I can help.”
“This is helping.”
“I don’t want you struggling with these things on your own. That’s what I’m here for, to make it better and to ease your worries.”
“I have no reason to worry about anything.”
“No, you don’t, but that doesn’t mean you won’t worry anyway. That’s how you’re wired.”
“I need new wiring.”
“I love your wiring just the way it is.” He slid his leg between hers and began to kiss her more intently.
“I have morning breath.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
“Mac! Let me brush my teeth.”
“No.” He moved so he was on top of her, continuing to kiss her despite her objections, which ceased to matter as he moved from her lips to her neck, the rough scratch of his morning whiskers sending tingles of sensation skittering over her skin.
All he had to do was look at her in the sexy, proprietary way she loved so much for her to want him.
But when he touched and kissed her with such reverence, she was utterly lost to him.
“You are everything to me, Madeline,” he whispered against the achingly sensitive skin of her abdomen.
“Every beat of my heart, every breath I take, everything I do and think and want, it’s all for you.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you happy and to ease your mind.
Anything you want or need, I want to be the one to give it to you. ”
She sighed as a sob escaped from her tightly closed lips.
“Tell me what you need so I can get it for you.”
“I need you.” Wrapping her arms around him, she held on tight to him.
“Oh baby, you have me. I’m all yours.” His tenderness and sweetness were her undoing. As he made love to her, she sobbed in his arms, her emotions a jumbled mess of happiness and despair that again had her wondering what in the world had triggered such feelings.
He waited for her, the way he always did, only letting himself go after she had come with a sharp cry of completion.
Afterward, he held her close to him.
She felt his lips curve against her neck. “I like when we can be loud.”
“Mmm, loud is good.”
“Maddie?”
“Yeah?”
“I want you to talk to Vic. Will you do that for me?”
She nodded. “I will.”
“Today?”
“Yes, Mac. I’ll talk to her today.”
After another freezing day at the Wayfarer installing windows, Riley was ready for a cold beer, a hot pizza and more time with Nikki, who’d been on his mind during the endless hours at work.
The only good thing about the cold was that it kept everyone focused on the task at hand, so they could finish up and get warm that much sooner.
It kept the usual ball-busting to a minimum.
“Mac picked a good day to take off,” Shane said as they cleaned up and put away their tools.
“Benefit of being the boss,” Finn said.
“I must’ve missed that memo,” Luke said. “No one told me the bosses could take off the coldest days to stay home with their wives.” As Mac’s partner in the construction and marina businesses, he was the other boss. However, even Luke deferred to Mac on most things.
“Mac tends to keep these things to himself,” Shane said, grinning. “God forbid the rest of us follow his example.”
“No shit,” Luke said. “That just leads to trouble.”
“Are you guys going to Janey’s tonight?” Shane asked.
“I’ll be there,” Finn said.
“We’re going,” Luke said.
“What’re you doing, Riley?” Finn asked.
“I’ll stop by Janey’s.”
“Are you bringing your new friend?” his brother asked, batting his eyelashes and making Riley want to stab him with the screwdriver he had in his hand.
“Maybe.”
“Big date last night, but no details forthcoming,” Finn said.
When Finn started making kissing noises, it took everything Riley had not to sink the screwdriver into his brother’s forehead.
“Leave him alone,” Shane said, giving Finn a shove.
“Why should I?”
“Because someday you’ll find someone who makes you want to keep the details private, and you won’t want him or the rest of us up in your grill,” Shane said, speaking from experience.
“That’s not gonna happen,” Finn said.
Luke and Shane scoffed at him.
“That’s what we thought, too,” Luke said, accepting a high five from Shane, who nodded in agreement.
“We all need to get some sleep while we can,” Shane said. “Snow coming tomorrow into Sunday. Get those plows ready.”
The sound of their groaning nearly drowned out Shane’s ringing cell phone.