Chapter 9
Surrounded by the people who loved him best, Shane tried to process the devastating news the police had delivered.
In his mind, Courtney had been living her new sober life, moving forward from the darkness that had plagued her in the past. Hearing she was dead, most likely from an overdose, sent him spinning back into the rabbit hole of despair that had marked his life for so long after their marriage ended.
How long had she been using again? Had she been sober at all, or had she immediately gone back to her old ways after rehab, or was it after he’d refused to give her yet another chance?
And the most important question of all—why did he still care so damned much?
“What can I do for you?” Katie had been by his side from the second Jack and Blaine had delivered the devastating news.
“I don’t know.”
With her arm around him, she laid her head on his shoulder, offering comfort and support he didn’t feel he deserved.
Courtney had been his ex-wife. He didn’t love her anymore, hadn’t loved her in a long time.
She’d lied to him the entire time they’d been together, hiding a fierce addiction that had surfaced when he discovered large sums of money missing from their joint accounts.
Until then, he’d been blissfully ignorant to the epic battle his wife was waging, completely separate from him and their marriage.
Hearing she was dead brought back a sea of memories he’d much rather forget than relive. The aftermath of their marital meltdown had been the darkest time in his life, and he had no desire to go back there.
“I need to call her parents.”
“Do you want me to do it for you?” Katie asked.
“No, I’ll do it.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m okay.” To Laura, he said, “Did you tell Dad?”
She nodded. “He and Betsy are on their way over.”
“I’ll be out in a minute.” He got up and went into the bedroom, sat on the bed he shared with Katie and reminded himself he was a million miles removed from who he’d been with Courtney and after her.
Scrolling through his contacts, he found the number for Courtney’s mother that he’d never removed from his phone, even if he probably should’ve done it years ago.
Maybe somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d known he would need it again someday.
He put through the call, dropped his head into his hand and waited for her to pick up. Back when he’d been married to Courtney, her parents had wintered on Padre Island in Texas. He had no idea if they still did that.
“Shane? Is that you?”
“It’s me.”
“What’s going on?”
“Mary Jane… The police were just at my house. It’s Courtney.”
She began to scream.
Grimacing, Shane held the phone away from his ear until she had recovered the ability to speak.
“Was it the drugs?” Mary Jane asked tearfully.
“They don’t know for sure, but they found indications that she’d been using again.”
“I knew it. I just said to Steve the other day that she had started acting strangely again, going silent for days at a time, not responding to texts. Maybe if we hadn’t gone to Texas this winter—”
“Stop,” Shane said softly. “Don’t do that to yourself. You did everything you could think of for her. Being close by wouldn’t have stopped this. Nothing could have.” He believed that with every fiber of his being. “This was a fight she wasn’t destined to win.”
“I don’t know what I should do. What should I do, Shane?”
“I have the number the state police gave me to call when we decide on funeral arrangements.” When she was ready, he recited the number.
“I’ll see about getting a flight home.”
“The ferries aren’t running today or tomorrow due to a storm coming, but I’ll be over as soon as I can.”
“You don’t have to do that. This isn’t your problem.”
“I’ll be there.”
“You have been such a blessing to us through this, Shane.”
“I wish there was more I could’ve done.”
“You did what you could. We all did.”
“I’ll call you in a day or two when I can get off the island.”
“Thank you.”
For a long time after they said their goodbyes, Shane sat on the bed, elbows on knees, memories and despair swirling through him like a hurricane, from the first time he met Courtney his senior year of college, until the last time he’d seen her, when she’d come to Gansett pleading for one last chance to make things right between them.
He’d sent her away. He had worked so hard to put his life back on track, had fallen for Katie and was in a healthy relationship… He’d done what was best for him—for once. But could he have done more for Courtney? Now he would never know the answer to that question.
A soft knock on the door preceded Katie into the room. She closed the door behind her and came to sit with him on the bed. “What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. I’m okay.”
“It’s okay if you’re not.”
“I am, but it’s just so fucking sad.”
“Yes, it is. Your dad and uncles are here. Adam, too. If you don’t feel up to seeing them, I can ask them to come back tomorrow.”
“I’ll see them, but first give me this.” He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight to her soft sweetness, breathing in her familiar scent. Here, with her, he’d found his forever.
“I’ll always be happy to give you this,” she said. “Any time you need it.”
“I’m going to need a lot of it in the next few days.”
“I’ve got plenty more where this came from.”
“I’m dirty from work.”
“Do you honestly think I care about that?”
“I’m guessing no?”
“I don’t care about the dirt. I care about you. I’m so sorry this has happened, Shane. My heart breaks for you and everyone who loved her.”
“Thank you. In case you were wondering, I’m not going to let this suck me back into the rabbit hole.”
“I wasn’t wondering, but that’s good to know.”
“Let’s go spend a few minutes with Dad and the others. He’ll be worried about me.”
“Let me know when you want me to kick them out.”
“I will.” He got up and took hold of her hand, holding on tight when they walked out of the bedroom to join the others, who now included his dad, Uncle Mac, Uncle Kevin, cousin Adam, brother-in-law, Owen, and Ned Saunders, an honorary uncle to all the McCarthy cousins.
His dad, Frank, came over to him and wrapped his arms around him. “I’m so sorry, son.”
“Thank you, Dad.” Shane felt weird accepting condolences for a woman he’d been divorced from for quite some time.
But he understood that people wanted to pay their respects, and he needed to let them.
Knowing how his father had worried over him during the dark period, Shane was determined to reassure him. “I’m okay, Dad. Don’t worry.”
Frank gave a gruff laugh, as if to say, That’ll be the day. Since their mother died when Shane was seven and Laura nine, Frank had been mother, father and friend to them. “What can I do for you?”
“Nothing right now. I’ll go over in a day or two when I hear from her mom about the arrangements.”
“Her poor mom. Did everything she could and then some.”
Shane nodded, his throat closing around a hot ball of regret and despair. He accepted hugs from Ned, his uncles, cousin and brother-in-law.
Big Mac reduced him to tears when he hugged him and said, “You were a good husband to her, Shane. You did all you could.”
“Thank you,” he said gruffly, glancing at Katie.
“I think Shane could use a little time to himself to process what’s happened.”
“Of course,” Frank said. “We’ll go, but we’ll check on you tomorrow?”
“That’d be good, Dad. Thanks. And thanks, all of you, for coming over. I appreciate it.”
Laura hugged him tightly. “Call me if you need anything. Anything at all.”
“I will, thanks.”
They filed out the door that Katie closed behind them. The sound of the lock engaging filled him with relief.
“I can go stay at the hotel if you need to be alone,” she said.
“Hell no. You’re staying right here with me where you belong.”
“I have no idea what to say or what to do for you.”
He put his arms around her. “Just love me. That’s all I need.”
“That’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
Mac and Maddie had scored Victoria’s last appointment of the day.
The pretty midwife came breezing into the exam room with her long dark hair in a high ponytail and her dark eyes shining with happiness.
Maddie had teased her about smiling nonstop since she and Shannon O’Grady had committed to each other and were planning a life together.
“Oh, I get both of you,” Vic said, typing on the laptop that sat on a rolling desk that she toted around the clinic like a dog on a leash. “This is a nice surprise. Everything all right?”
“I’ve been feeling a little… off… lately, and Mac wanted me to come see you, so here I am.”
Vic’s brows knitted with concern. “Off how?”
Mac took hold of Maddie’s hand. “May I?”
Maddie shrugged. “Go for it.”
“She’s been really down on herself over the weight she gained with Mac and kind of weepy and worried about things that aren’t going to happen.”
“I just can’t seem to bounce back the way I normally do,” Maddie added.
“Does she have postpartum depression?” Mac asked.
“I think we would’ve seen signs of that before now.” Victoria sat on a stool and crossed her legs. “Any chance you could be pregnant again?”
“What?” Maddie asked, her voice so high, it could make dogs bark. “No. No way. Mac is four months old!”
“Um, well, technically,” Mac said, stammering, “it’s not… well, it’s entirely possible.”
“No, it is not!”
When Victoria began to laugh, Maddie wanted to punch her—and Mac. Mostly him. If she was pregnant, she was going to kill someone, and he was the most likely candidate.
“Sorry,” Vic said, making an effort to recover her composure. “It’s just you two are funny. After four pregnancies, you ought to know where these babies are coming from by now.”
Maddie began to cry.
“Aw, babe, don’t,” Mac said, putting his arms around her. “We don’t know anything for sure, and if you are pregnant, we’ll have another baby. It’ll be okay.”
“It will not be okay! I have three children under age six as it is, and I’m the size of a rhino with massive boobs! I can’t have another baby. At this rate, I’ll never lose the baby weight I’ve already got!”
“So what?” Mac made an effort to control the fury he always felt when she put herself down. “You’re perfection.”
“For what it’s worth, I’d kill to have a fraction of your curves,” Vic said.
“You can have my so-called curves,” Maddie said. “I don’t fit in any of my clothes!”
“I’ll buy you new clothes.”
“Mac! You don’t get it.”
“Make me understand.”
“You still look exactly the same as you did the day we met, and me… I’m…”
“More beautiful than you have ever been to me.” He turned to her, seeming to forget they weren’t alone as he cupped her cheek.
“You’re the one who doesn’t get it, Madeline.
I understand that the extra pounds make you feel down on yourself, but I don’t see them.
When I look at you, I see you, my beautiful wife, the mother of my children, my best friend, the love of my life. That’s all I see.”
“Sigh,” Victoria said, fanning her face.
“I’m an awful person,” Maddie said as tears streamed down her face. “My sweet sister-in-law would give anything to be pregnant, and all I can think about is my fat belly.” She choked on sobs.
Mac drew her into his embrace. “Do you see what’s going on here, Vic?”
“I see, and I think a quick pregnancy test might be in order.”
Maddie moaned. “This can’t be happening.”
As Frank left Shane’s house with his brothers and Ned, Big Mac said, “Let’s get a drink.”
Frank, Kevin and Ned followed him into the Beachcomber, where the daytime bartender, Lucy, was on duty.
“Hi, guys.” She put cocktail napkins on the bar in front of them. “Usual?”
“Yes, please, sweetheart,” Big Mac said with a warm smile for the young woman. “Thank you.”
“What’s it say about us that we have a ‘usual’ with every bartender on the island?” Kevin asked.
“That we’re good about supporting the local economy?” Big Mac said to grunts of laughter from the others.
“Ain’t it the truth?” Ned said.
“I’m so sorry this has happened, Frankie,” Kevin said, hand on Frank’s shoulder.
“Me, too. Shane has been doing so well. I hope this isn’t going to be an awful setback for him.”
“Is it wrong of us to be worried about Shane when poor Courtney is dead?” Mac asked.
“It’s only natural for us to be worried about him,” Kevin said. “He’s ours. We can worry about him while we feel sad for her and her family.”
“’Tis an awful tragedy, no matter how ya look at it,” Ned said.
“I feel awful for her parents,” Frank said. “They’re good people who did so much to try to help her. And they were there for Shane through it all. It’s just so terrible. Fucking drugs…”
Mac blew out a deep breath. “Thank God none of our kids ever got wrapped up in that shit.”
“There but for the grace of God,” Kevin said, sighing. “We are blessed.”
“Indeed,” Mac said. “I wonder if there’s a program or something we can donate to that would help other people like Courtney to get the help they need. We could donate in her name.”
“That’s a great idea,” Frank said. “I’ll talk to Mary Jane about that when I see her this week.”
“Count me in on that,” Ned said. “Happy ta give to the cause.”
“Thanks, buddy,” Frank said, squeezing Ned’s shoulder.
“So you’re going over for the services?” Kevin asked Frank.
“I’m going. For better or worse, she was my daughter-in-law. My son loved her very much, despite her challenges. And there’s no way I’d let him go through this without all the support I can muster. I’m sure Laura will go, too.”
“We’ll all go,” Mac said.
“You don’t have to do that,” Frank said, moved by his brothers’ support.
“Yeah, we do,” Kevin said.
Ned nodded in agreement.
Frank released a deep sigh. “We can’t let Shane go off the deep end again.”
“He’s so much stronger now than he was then,” Mac said. “We all see it. It’s not just Katie, although she’s been a big part of it. He’s really grown into himself since he’s been here. Mac tells me all the time that he couldn’t run the construction business without Shane.”
“It’s good for him to spend his days with his cousins and closest friends,” Frank said.
“He has support around him he didn’t have the last time, not that you and Laura didn’t do all you could,” Kevin said. “But now he’s got the entire tribe, and there’s no way any of us are going to let him falter. We’ve got him, Frankie.”
“Love you guys,” Frank said gruffly. “I’m so damned glad to have you nearby at times like this.”
“We love you, too,” Mac said. “And we love Shane. We’ll get him through this.”
Knowing his brothers and friend had his back—and his son’s—made Frank feel a thousand times better than he would have without them around to tell him everything was going to be okay.