Chapter 17
Haunting dreams tormented Shane McCarthy as the storm raged outside. He tossed and turned, running from a past that wouldn’t let him escape. He woke with a start when he cried out in his sleep.
Katie put her arms around him and drew him into her loving embrace.
A sob erupted from his chest, which made him angry and afraid at the same time.
Crying over your ex-wife was never a good idea when you were in bed with your beloved fiancée.
But Katie understood what Courtney had once meant to him and wouldn’t hold his out-of-control emotions against him. Or at least he hoped she wouldn’t.
Tears flooded his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.
All he could seem to think about was the Courtney he’d first known, the sweet, sexy, smart, funny woman he’d fallen head over heels for way back before he knew that she was hiding a secret addiction to pain meds.
He’d had two years of bliss before it all caved in around him, leaving him buried under an avalanche of agony and despair and debt.
He mourned the woman he’d met in college, who’d been so bright with potential with a zest for life that had fully enraptured him.
The loss of his mother when he was seven had wounded him deeply.
Courtney’s love had healed the long-festering wounds he’d carried with him for so long.
Meeting her had been like having the sun come out after years of cloudy days.
“What can I do?” Katie asked, her tone as gentle as her touch.
“I’m sorry.” He wiped his face and tried to get himself under control. “I’m not being fair to you.”
“Shane, honey, please… Don’t worry about me. You’re heartbroken and understandably so.”
“I didn’t love her anymore. Not the way I love you.”
“I know that. You don’t have to say it. I know.” She cradled his head against her chest and ran her fingers through his hair, providing the love and comfort he could get only from her.
“I’m thinking about the Courtney I first knew, before it all went bad.”
“Tell me about her.”
“It’s okay, babe. We don’t have to talk about it. It’s enough to be able to hold on to you this way. I’d be losing my mind if I didn’t have you.”
“You’ll always have me, and if I didn’t want to hear about her, I wouldn’t ask. If you want to talk about it, I want to listen.”
Shane took a moment to gather himself. “I have all these things in my head that I haven’t thought about in a very long time.”
“It’s only natural that those memories would come back now.”
“I haven’t thought about the beginning in years. The good times were totally eclipsed by what came later.”
“Tell me about the good times. I really want to hear, and I promise I won’t hold it against you.”
Her sweetness and the hint of humor in the midst of the darkness made it possible for him to air out his grief.
“The first time I ever saw her was at a basketball game. I was with my friends, she was with hers. We had friends in common and ended up going out after the game. I sat next to her, and we started talking. That one night was all it took. We were pretty much together from that point on. I’d…
I’d never been in love before. It was… I can’t describe it. ”
She kissed his forehead. “You don’t have to. I know the feeling.”
“I sort of lost that version of her in what came later, but those first few months were just incredible. Back then, I couldn’t have imagined any scenario that didn’t have us together for the rest of our lives.”
“I know you must blame yourself for a lot of what happened with her, but it wasn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Shane? Tell me you know it’s not your fault.”
“I do know, but I wish I could’ve done more. I’m haunted by the last time I saw her when she came here asking for another chance and I said no.”
“Because you were already involved with me and had worked really hard to pick up the pieces of your life after she left you.”
“Still… I can’t help but wonder if she spiraled again after that. Did I do the wrong thing sending her away?”
“Shane, honey. Stop. Please don’t do this.
You nearly bankrupted yourself trying to get help for her, and then she left you without so much as a conversation.
After you spent years getting back on your feet, she showed up to say she’d had no choice and never would’ve left you if it’d been up to her.
You did what anyone would’ve done in that situation.
You said no more. It wasn’t up to you to continue to prop her up, especially after she divorced you the way she did. ”
“You’re right.”
“You’ve worked so hard to put the darkness of those years in the past. I don’t think Courtney would want her death to undo all the progress you’ve made. That would only compound the tragedy.”
“Thank you for being so understanding. I’m not sure I would handle it as gracefully as you have if the roles were reversed.”
“You would, because you love me every bit as much as I love you.”
“I love you so much. You’re saving my life tonight. I hope you know that.”
“I owed you one from the time you saved my life.”
“Best day ever,” he said of Owen and Laura’s wedding day when he’d saved Katie from a rip current. He kissed her and leaned his forehead against hers.
“It was for me, too, except the part where I nearly drowned and took you down with me.”
“All’s well that ends well.”
With her hands on his face, she studied him. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Eventually. I promise I’m not going to nearly drown and take you down with me.”
“I won’t let you. I’m right here, and I want to help in any way I can.”
“That makes everything better.” He tried to relax his racing mind so he could get some sleep. “Hey, Katie?”
“Hmm?”
“Why don’t we ever talk about getting married?”
Only because he was still cuddled up to her did he feel her body go rigid as her breathing slowed. “We talk about it.”
“No, we really don’t.” When she had no reply to that, he said, “Do I need to be worried about anything?”
“No! Of course not. We can get married. If you want to.”
“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”
“It’s just that everything is great the way it is. Do we need a piece of paper to make it better?”
“We don’t need it, but I sort of thought that we’d make it official at some point.”
“We will.”
“But not now?”
“Don’t we have enough on our plate right now without adding to it?”
Shane had no idea how to respond to that, so he went with the simplest answer he could come up with. “I suppose we do.”
She released a deep breath that sounded an awful lot like relief to him. What the hell was that about? And how was it possible that he now had even more to worry about than he’d had earlier?
For the first time since he’d worked for his cousin, Riley ignored his alarm when it went off at seven thirty.
He had far better things to do than plow snow, and while he momentarily felt bad for letting down the others, they’d get by without him.
Then he remembered that Shane was off the grid, and guilt set in.
They were already down one member of their team, and if he didn’t show up, everyone else was going to have to be out there that much longer.
Sometimes having a conscience freaking sucked. He was about to get up when his phone chimed with a text from Mac.
Make it noon. The snow is still coming down too hard to bother.
Oh, thank God. A stay of execution.
“Do you have to go?” Nikki asked, her voice husky with sleep.
“Nope.” He curled up to her back, helped himself to a handful of breast and pressed his hard cock against her back. The sound of her voice had made him hard this time. That was all it took. “Mac said it’s still snowing too hard to bother.”
“Speaking of too hard…”
“Shall I bother?”
Laughing as she groaned, she said, “You’re going to break me.”
“Never.” He kissed the back of her shoulder and left a trail of kisses down her backbone.
Then he turned his attention to her ass, kissing and nibbling until she strained against him.
“Like this,” he said, arranging her on her hands and knees.
He quickly rolled on a new condom, the last one he had, and entered her from behind, stopping when she went tense. “Does it hurt?”
“Only a little. It’s okay, though.”
“Are you sure? We don’t have to.” They’d already done it three times, and the fact that he wanted her again made this the craziest and best night of his life.
“It’s okay. Just go slow.”
“I can do slow.” At least he thought he could.
The desire she inspired in him made it difficult to do anything as simple as think when he had her naked in a bed with him.
Her eager enthusiasm for everything they did only made him want her more.
He was beginning to understand why his cousins had changed their lives for the women they loved. If this was what it was like for them…
Nikki cried out and came hard, clamping down on him and making him see stars as he lost any semblance of control. They landed in a sweaty, heaving pile on the bed, arms and legs intertwined.
Pressing his lips to her shoulder, he closed his eyes and tried to calm the racing beat of his heart.
The next thing he knew, his cell phone was ringing in the tone he’d set for Finn. Riley groaned and reached over Nikki to grab the phone from the bedside table.
“What?”
“Where are you?”
“None of your business.”
“Everyone is here to plow, and Mac is looking for you.”
“Fuck,” Riley muttered under his breath. His eyes were gritty from the lack of sleep, and his muscles protested even the slightest movement. “I think I might be sick.”
“Sex flu does not count as an actual illness.”
“Seriously.”
“You want me to tell Mac?”
“Would you? And can you leave out any mention of the words ‘sex flu’?”
Finn snickered. “I’ll see what I can do. It may be hard to restrain myself.”
“Try.”
“Yeah, yeah. You owe me one.”
“Whatever.”
“So I take it things went well after I saw you at Makeout Point last night?”
“Bye, Finn.”
“Come on—”
Riley ended the call and felt Nikki shaking with laughter under him. “It’s not funny. He is not funny.”