Chapter 19
Having sex with Finn had been the biggest mistake she’d ever made. In fact, the minute he’d removed his shirt and revealed his magnificent chest and abdomen, she’d known this was going to be a huge mistake. She’d courted crushing heartbreak by allowing this to happen.
Here in her arms was the man of her dreams—handsome, sweet, funny, thoughtful, sexy as all get-out and tied to a family that anyone would want to be part of. He was the full package, and not for nothing, he had a rather full package.
The thought would’ve made her laugh if she hadn’t been trying so hard not to cry.
How could she have been so stupid as to think she could do this once, get him out of her system and move on with her life?
Instead, she’d allowed him so far inside her, she’d never again be free of him.
She ran her fingers through his hair, over and over again, because she could.
Soon enough, this evening would be a distant memory to treasure when he had moved back to the mainland and she had gone on with her life, richer for having known him but always sad because she hadn’t been able to keep him.
“Am I crushing you?”
“Nope.” She would pay for this tomorrow, with aches and pains that would be exacerbated by the physical activity. As her condition had worsened, she’d had to give up her workouts at the gym and the nature hikes she had enjoyed in order to conserve her stamina for the long days at the salon.
“Do you want me to go?”
“Not unless you want to.”
“I don’t want to.”
He wasn’t leaving yet, but he would leave in the morning, and that would be that. The ache in her chest was the most concerning of her many aches and pains.
She had survived worse, or so she told herself.
It took effort not to become bitter at the various backhands life continued to hit her with.
Hadn’t it been enough to lose her parents the way she had?
Why did she have to keep being dealt such shitty cards to play?
Too bad she wasn’t a selfish bitch. If she had been, then she could’ve gone all in with Finn by saying to hell with the consequences for both of them.
So what if she ended up being a burden to him?
But that wasn’t how she was wired. Never had been. She had been looking out for herself for far too long to change now. No, her problems were her own, and she’d never inflict them on a sweet guy like Finn.
He stirred, brushing his lips against her neck. “I’ve got to get some water. You want anything?”
“Water sounds good. Glasses are to the right of the sink.”
He raised himself up on his arms, kissed her and withdrew.
Chloe watched him go first into the bathroom, noting that the rear view of him was almost as good as the front. Nothing was better than that face, those eyes, that thick dark hair… She shivered. He was the hottest guy she’d ever slept with, that was for damned sure.
The toilet flushed in the bathroom. As the light went on in the kitchen, she remembered that her medication was sitting on the windowsill where he was sure to see it.
“Damn it.”
As he downed a glass of water, Finn tried not to look, but curiosity got the best of him.
Methotrexate.
Prednisone.
He’d never heard of either of them, but they sounded serious. Staring at the prescription bottles, he began to understand what she wasn’t telling him. The situation with her hands was something more than aches and pains. And her hip, just now, when they’d been having sex…
Finn wished there was a way he could look up the meds on his phone, but his phone was in his pants pocket on the floor of her bedroom where she waited for him to bring water. He refilled the glass and brought it with him when he turned off the light and returned to her, forcing a smile for her.
He didn’t want her to know that he’d seen the meds. He wanted her to trust him enough to share the truth with him. Maybe that wouldn’t happen tonight, but now, at least, he had an inkling of what was standing between them.
Although why she thought her health problem would stand in their way was beyond him. When he’d told her there was nothing she could say that would make him not want her, he’d meant it. That included health concerns.
Chloe seemed tense when he got into bed with her, handed her the glass of water and pulled the covers up over both of them.
“Thanks.”
Was it his imagination or was she having trouble looking at him? Had she realized what he would see after she let him go into the kitchen?
Finn decided to address the elephant in the room. “Chloe…”
She yawned. “God, I’m so tired, and it’s getting late. I’ve got to get some sleep, or I’ll be a zombie tomorrow.”
Okay, so the conversation wasn’t going to happen tonight.
Finn could be patient and let her get around to telling him when she was ready—or not.
He couldn’t force her to tell him anything, nor would he ever push her to do something that made her uncomfortable.
No, he could only hope that she would level with him so he’d know what he was up against.
And if she didn’t? He had no answer to that question. “Come here.” Raising an arm, he waited and hoped she would snuggle up to him.
After a brief hesitation, she turned toward him and rested her head on his chest.
Finn wrapped an arm around her. “Get some rest.” He made small, smoothing circles on her back, hoping she would relax enough to sleep.
“And just so you know, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for more with you.
Nothing at all. So if you think there’s something I can’t handle or wouldn’t want to handle, you’re wrong.
I want to be with you, any way I can have you. ”
Chloe squeezed her eyes closed, hoping to contain the tears that wanted out after his sweet words.
Did he have any idea what those words meant to her?
To know he cared enough to put that out there, to perfectly summarize everything she had been thinking and feeling since they met?
He couldn’t possibly know what the medications were for, but he’d put two plus two together to understand that she was dealing with a serious health problem.
Tell him.
Her inner voice registered its vote even as her better judgment voted to refrain from sharing. It was too much to unload into a brand-new relationship that wasn’t even really a relationship at all. Rather, it was more like a flirtation that had gotten out of hand.
If she kept telling herself that, maybe she’d begin to believe her own lies.
This had been way more than a flirtation from the beginning. And as she breathed in the fresh, clean scent of him while his chest hair tickled her face and his hand made soft circles on her back, she began to accept that she was well and truly screwed when it came to him—in more ways than one.
The sex had been astonishing, not that she should be surprised. He could practically make her come just by being in the same room. For the rest of her life, she’d never forget the sexy way he’d pulled his dress shirt over his head to reveal the beautiful chest that now served as her pillow.
Thinking about the sex made her want more of it, but she couldn’t have that. Not now anyway. She wasn’t kidding when she said she’d be a mess in the morning after being on her feet all day into the evening at the fundraiser and then giving her body an aggressive workout in bed with him.
Tell him.
The words sat on the tip of her tongue. I have rheumatoid arthritis. Over the next few years, it’s likely that I’ll become unable to work, among other possible challenges. I’m terrified of what the future holds, and the last thing I want to do is drag a sweet guy like you down with me.
He would argue with her, tell her that it didn’t matter when they both knew it did matter.
It mattered greatly. If they’d been dating a couple of years when she got the diagnosis, that would be another story.
But they’d only just met, and while the attraction was intense—and mutual—it couldn’t be more than that. It just couldn’t.
Chloe needed to talk to someone about this, and as much as she wished she could unload on a professional, she couldn’t bring herself to take this particular issue to Finn’s father.
It wouldn’t be fair to Finn or his dad. In the morning, she would ask Katie to meet her for a drink after work, and Chloe would ask for her friend’s take on it.
She trusted Katie to keep the information about her condition confidential, but more than that, Katie was engaged to Finn’s cousin, which would give her the kind of insight she desperately needed to figure out what to do about the man who had upended her well-ordered life the second his head smacked into hers.
Satisfied that she had a plan, Chloe closed her eyes, released the deep breath she’d been holding and drifted off to sleep.
At midnight, Adam tiptoed up the stairs to check on Abby, who’d been asleep for two hours following another bout of vomiting.
Hearing that others on the island had the same flu made him feel slightly better, but he was still concerned about how lethargic she had been earlier.
She hadn’t even had the energy to hold Liam, which meant she had to be truly sick.
Under normal circumstances, she rarely put the baby down, going so far as to strap him to her chest while she worked at the store.
Liam was fast asleep after taking his last bottle from Daddy, who had also bathed and dressed him in the cute little footie pajamas that had become part of Adam’s daily life, along with the many other things that had come with having a baby.
The little guy had utterly transformed their lives, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Adam had cut way back on work so he could spend most of his time with Liam, and Abby had even hired someone to help out a few hours a week at the store so she could be home more during the busy summer season.