Chapter 12 #3
Sarah moved to Julia’s bed and put her arm around her daughter. “There was a time, not that long ago, when I would’ve said the same thing. I didn’t know anything but how to hurt. And now… everything is different, and I so want you to have that, too.”
“Not everyone is meant to find their Charlie, Mom. I don’t even want that anymore. Men have caused me nothing but heartache my entire life. I’m over it.”
“Don’t say that. If you close your heart off to the possibility of love, you could miss out on the greatest thing to ever happen to you.
I’m thankful all the time that I had the courage to try again with Charlie.
At first, I was resistant because I expected him to be just like your father, but he’s nothing like him.
He’s your father’s polar opposite. Since I’ve been here on Gansett, I’ve met so many good men.
They’ve restored my faith in humanity.” She smoothed Julia’s hair back from her face, the gesture so familiar and so comforting, it brought tears to Julia’s eyes.
“One of the best men I’ve met is your friend Deacon’s brother Blaine.
He was so very good to me when I arrived here fresh off being beaten by your father.
Without him, I don’t think your father would be in prison today. ”
“He seems a little intense. He and Deacon don’t get along very well.”
“He may be intense, but he’s very good at his job and is madly in love with his wife and daughters. He’s a good man, and I get the feeling Deacon is, too.”
“He’s been a good friend to me when I needed one.”
“Will you do something for me? Something big and important and probably something you don’t want to do?”
“What?”
“Give Deacon a chance to show you what it’s like to be with a good man.”
“I don’t want any man, good or bad. I’ve had enough. If I don't put myself out there, I can’t get hurt again.”
“Can I tell you something my Charlie has taught me?”
“I guess.”
“When we let the past define our present and future, we prove that we haven’t learned anything from what we’ve been through.
What happened with your father and the other men who’ve disappointed you is in the past. If you let them hold you back from the chance to be truly happy, then what have you learned? ”
“I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate the wisdom—yours and Charlie’s. The two of you certainly deserve the happiness you’ve found together. But just because you and Owen and Katie have found your happily ever afters doesn’t mean I will. It’s just not in the cards for me.”
“I can’t bear to hear you say that, Julia. Of course it’s in the cards for you. You’re a smart, talented, beautiful woman with so much love to give. Please don’t miss out on what could be the greatest thing to ever happen to you by allowing bitterness to cloud your judgment.”
“My judgment clearly sucks when it comes to men.”
“Maybe it has in the past, but every day is a new chance to start fresh. Do you like Deacon? Are you attracted to him?”
“Yes, I like him, and I’d have to be dead not to be attracted to him.”
“He is rather handsome, like his brother. Charlie teases me about having a crush on Blaine. Of course I don’t, but I do have a very special place in my heart for him.”
“Why did you invite Deacon to your wedding?”
“Because I saw the way he was looking at you yesterday. I want you and everyone I love to be as happy as I am.”
“How was he looking at me?”
“The way my Charlie looks at me, as if he’s seen something rare and precious and is wise enough to know it.”
“He doesn’t look at me like that. We just met!”
“Yes, he does, Julia. The question you have to ask yourself is if you’re willing to risk your heart to find out what it’s like to have a good man love you.”
“What if I’m not meant for that? What if I’m supposed to be single for the rest of my life?”
“If that’s the case, then so be it. You’re a strong, capable woman who’s more than able to take care of herself. But I’ve always suspected you were hoping to find true love someday.”
“I was, and I’ve found that ‘true love’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Because you haven’t found the real thing yet. Trust me, when you do, you’ll know what I mean when I say everything is different. I’m living proof of that.”
“I’m happy for you. I truly am. Charlie seems like a great guy.”
“Other than you kids, he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I want all of you to find what I have with him.”
“That might be a lofty goal.”
“Maybe so, but it’s still my goal.”
“Thus your matchmaking with Deacon.”
“I like him, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts now that your father is no longer in my life to cloud my judgment. I have a very good feeling about Deacon, and I suspect you do, too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be spending time with him.”
“I don’t want to make another mistake.”
“I understand that better than most people would, but if you don’t stick your neck out there a little, you’ll never know what might be possible.”
Her mother made good points. What was it that their grandmother had always told them when they were kids? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
“I’ll think about what you said. I promise.”
“That’s all I can ask. Now tell me what you’re doing about your health.”
“Katie is all over it. She’s got me appointments with Victoria at the clinic and Kevin McCarthy. She wouldn’t leave on her trip until I agreed to both.”
Sarah smiled at that. “Good for her. I love the way you kids look out for each other.”
“I wish everyone paid a little less attention to me.”
“We worry.”
“I know, and I realize it’s because I’ve given you reason to in the past. But it’s under control.
I promise.” She’d been doing really well in maintaining her health until everything with Mike happened.
That was another reason to treat the risk of another relationship like the potential grenade that it was.
When things went sideways emotionally, her physical health suffered, too.
“I’m always here if you need me. I hope you know that.”
“I do. Thank you. Now get out of here and go be with your husband.” Julia hugged her mom. “Thanks for coming to check on me.”
“I love you, and all I want is your health and happiness.”
“I’m working on both.”
Sarah kissed her cheek and got up to leave. “I’ll check in tomorrow.”
“You’re on your honeymoon.”
“I’ll still check in.”
“If you must.”
Sarah left with a wave. Long after her mother was gone, Julia thought about the things she’d said and tried to decide if she had the fortitude to risk her heart one more time.