Chapter 22
Julia was ravenous. Sitting with Deacon in Stephanie’s Bistro, she perused the menu. After weeks in which nothing appealed to her, suddenly everything did.
“What looks good to you?”
“All of it.”
Stephanie approached their table. “Hey, sis.”
Julia laughed at the face Stephanie made as she tried on the new tag. “Hi there.”
“Sorry. I’ve never had siblings, so getting seven of them all at once has turned me into a bit of a dork.”
Julia couldn’t imagine life without her six siblings. “You’re not a dork, and we’re thrilled to have you.”
“Really?” The bright, hopeful look on Stephanie’s face was nothing short of adorable.
“Really.”
Stephanie cleared her throat and made a visible effort to pull herself together. “May I tell you about our specials?”
“Yes, please,” Julia said.
After Stephanie went through the list, Deacon gestured for Julia to order first.
“I don’t know what I want. It all sounds so good.”
“Could I offer you a taster platter? You could have some of everything.”
“That’d be awesome.”
Deacon nodded in agreement and handed his menu to Steph.
“I love having a sister with a restaurant,” Julia said.
“Stop,” Stephanie said, taking Julia’s menu. “You’ll make me cry. I’ll send some wine over.”
“We take for granted what we’ve always had,” Deacon said after Steph had walked away.
“Right? I was thinking before that I can’t imagine life without my siblings.”
“Same, even if I sometimes wish I was an only child.”
“I’ve never once wished for that. I wouldn’t have survived without Owen and Katie, in particular.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”
“Don’t be sorry. As Owen likes to say, it was what it was, and we made the best of it.”
“Still… It was a nightmare, and I’m sorry you had to grow up that way.”
They drank the wine and devoured the appetizers Stephanie sent over. Julia ate it all—the calamari, clams casino and goat cheese spread.
Deacon chuckled at her enthusiasm.
Julia took a sip of wine and ventured a tentative glance at him. “This is what I do.”
“What do you mean?”
“When my anxiety is bad like it’s been the last few months, it’s all I can do to eat enough to stay alive.” Embarrassed to be confessing such a thing to him, she looked down at the table.
He put his hand over hers. “It’s okay, Julia. I’m not judging you. I swear I’m not.”
She turned her hand up so their palms were joined and curled her fingers around his hand. “After the anxiety passes, I eat everything in sight, which makes me sick. It’s a rather vicious cycle.”
“I imagine so.”
“I’m really thin right now. Too thin.”
“Maybe so, but I think you’re beautiful no matter what.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You’ll start to feel better now that you’ve gotten the money back.”
“I already do.” She forced herself to look at him, to acknowledge the intensity of their connection. “Thanks to you.”
“It gave me great pleasure to help you. Since I left the job, that’s the part I’ve missed the most. Helping people. Righting wrongs like what happened to you. Protecting people who don’t have anyone else to look out for them. It was very satisfying work.”
“I’ll bet you were really good at it.”
“I enjoyed it.”
“You must’ve been heartbroken to have to retire early.”
“Completely. It was devastating. I didn’t know who I was without the job.”
“Have you figured that out yet?”
“Nope. Still a work in progress. I’ve been kind of lost without it, to be honest. I like doing the harbor master job, but it’s not the same.
People on boats aren’t often in crisis except when they party too much or overdo it in the sun.
” He took a sip of his wine, put his glass down and glanced at her, looking serious.
“I should tell you the real reason why I’m here this summer so you don’t hear it from someone else. ”
“Okay...”
“I was in a bar fight and got arrested.”
“Were you helping someone?”
He tipped his head, seeming intrigued by the question. “In fact, I was.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“My brother, who bailed me out and made me come to Gansett for the summer, says I have a hero complex.”
“There’re worse things people could say about you.”
“Not according to Blaine.”
“Does his opinion matter so much to you?”
“It matters more than it should. Our dad worked on the mainland, so Blaine took it upon himself to supervise me and our other siblings when my dad wasn’t around.
I guess you could say I gave him a run for his money because I didn’t want him telling me what to do. He’s never been able to get past that.”
Julia propped her chin on her upturned fist. “What kind of stuff did you do?”
“You name it, I did it. Drinking, partying, chasing girls, sneaking out of the house, driving too fast, skipping school.”
“You were a bad boy.”
He leaned in, lowered his voice. “Still am.”
“I never did any of that stuff. I was too afraid of what would happen if I got caught.”
“I can teach you how not to get caught.”
Julia laughed. “I bet you know all the tricks.”
“Stick with me, baby. I’ll show you some trouble.”
“I’ve had more than enough trouble, thank you very much.”
“My kind is the good kind.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, the rough caress of his whiskers against her skin setting off a wildfire of reaction inside her. “You need to cut loose a little, have some fun and take some risks.”
“I’m already taking risks. Great big ones.”
“I know, and I’m very determined not to disappoint you.”
“Why me? I’m sure there’re a lot of much less complicated women on this island who’d love to keep you company this summer.” Although, the thought of him with anyone else made her seethe after only a few days. This was not good at all.
He grinned widely, revealing that devastating dimple in his cheek. “Are you already trying to get rid of me?”
“Not at all. I’m just pointing out that you could certainly have anyone you wanted.”
“Is that right?”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like you don’t know that. In all seriousness… You should know… I’ve got, you know, some rather big issues.”
“Show me someone who gets to be thirtysomething without a few issues.”
“I have kind of a lot of issues.”
“Okay.”
“Be serious.”
“I’m as serious about this—about you—as I’ve been about anything since I left the job, Julia. I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate that you’re saying it, but it doesn’t matter to me in any way except I hope maybe someday you might feel better about the things that trouble you.”
She leaned into him, close enough to kiss his cheek. “You’re very sweet.”
“Fuck that. I am not.”
Julia laughed, harder than she had in months. “Yes, you are.”
“Whatever.” Deacon smiled at a man walking by their table and then stood to give him a bro hug. “It’s so good to see you, man. Do you know Julia Lawry? Julia, this is Evan McCarthy. We went to high school together.”
Julia shook hands with Evan, who was tall and dark-haired and had the distinctive McCarthy blue eyes. “I know Evan. He’s Owen’s best friend.” To Evan, she added, “I love your music.”
“Oh, thanks, that's nice to hear. Good to see you again.”
“Are you here for the summer?” Deacon asked.
“Until mid-July. I’m recording some new music at the studio, and Grace needed to check in at the pharmacy before we go back out on tour.”
“You’re a big star these days. I’m surprised you remember us little people.”
“Shut up.” Evan laughed. “Are you hanging out for a bit? Owen and I are going to play.”
“Yeah, we’ll be here.”
“Great. Let’s grab a beer while I’m home.”
“I’d love to. Hit me up. Still got the same number.”
“Me, too.”
Deacon returned to his seat and slid an arm around the back of Julia’s chair. “He’s a good guy.”
“Owen loves him. They’ve been best friends for years.”
Over the next hour, Deacon and Julia ate the delicious food, drank more wine and asked each other silly questions.
“What’s your favorite color?” she asked, feeling buzzed and mellow after the food and wine.
“Red. You?”
“Purple.”
“Dogs or cats?” he asked.
“Duh. Dogs. Sheep or goats?”
He gave her an adorably perplexed look. “Am I supposed to have a preference?”
Julia laughed. “Yes! Goats are the cutest. Have you ever seen baby goats? I’m going to have baby goats at my house someday, but not until I’m settled somewhere permanently.”
“Okay, then, goats it is.”
She smiled triumphantly. “City or country?”
“Both? I loved living in Boston, but I can also see the benefit of the country. I was in Harwich before this, and I liked being there, too. That’s not really the country, but the pace is nothing like Boston.”
“I like both, too, but prefer island life to just about anything.”
“Island life used to drive me bonkers when I was a kid. I used to dream of just getting in the water and swimming to the mainland to get out of here.”
“You had no idea how lucky you were to be raised here, to never have to leave.”
“No, I didn’t.” He waggled his brows at her suggestively. “But I’m starting to see the benefit to being stuck here.”
Julia’s face flushed with heat as his gruffly spoken words set off the wildfire inside her once again. Never before had a man been able to turn her on using mere words the way this man could.
“Beach or mountains?” she asked.
“Beach every day and twice on Sunday.”
“Me, too. I miss the beach so much when I’m in Texas.”
Deacon spread goat cheese on a small piece of bread and fed it to her. “What was your favorite place you ever lived?”
“Right here. Every summer at this hotel with my grandparents was the best time of my entire life. Those months here were the only respite we ever got from the shitshow at home. We used to cry for days when we had to go home.”
“None of you ever told them what was going on at home?”
Julia shook her head. “We were too afraid to. He told us what would happen if we ‘told tales out of school.’ He said what went on in our home was our business and no one else’s.
We were also fearful of what would happen to our mom, because she didn’t get to come with us.
She was stuck at home with him. My grandmother was inconsolable when the whole story came out years later. ”
“I can only imagine. I know he’s your dad and everything, but I’m so, so glad he’s finally where he’s belonged for years.”
“I am, too. Sometimes I still can’t believe it actually happened, that he pleaded guilty and was thrown in jail. I’ll hear someone screaming or shouting, and I tense up. Then I remember. He’s not coming for me ever again.”
“Did he…” Deacon swallowed hard, his jaw tensing.
“My mom and my brothers were the ones he hit and physically abused. He used his words against me and my sisters. His favorite form of warfare with us was emotional.”
“God, Julia. I’m so sorry you had to grow up that way.”
“Me, too, but at least you understand why I am the way I am.”
“I think the way you are is pretty damned awesome.”
“Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.”
“I mean it.”
Julia had been so caught up in the conversation with Deacon that she’d failed to notice that Owen and Evan had begun their set on the stage located on the far side of the big dining room.
She tuned in to hear Evan sing “My Amazing Grace,” his chart-topping hit, with Owen accompanying him on background. “I love this song.”
“I do, too. It’s so great to see him getting the attention he deserves. He’s so crazy-talented.”
“He really is.”
“So is Owen.”
Julia nodded. “The music saved him during the worst of it with our father. He just lost himself in it.” She had, too, but she wasn’t about to share that part of herself with him or anyone. That had gotten lost along the way, and it’d been years since she’d played or sung.
Almost as if he was reading her mind, Owen stepped up to the microphone and began to speak directly to her. “I’m not the only Lawry who got the music gene.”
Julia felt like she’d been struck by someone she trusted and loved more than just about anyone. He was not doing this. No way. She stood, needing to get out of there before he could force her to confront something so painful, the mere thought of it threatened to swallow her whole.
“My sister Julia is a gifted musician and has the most incredible voice I’ve ever heard. She hasn’t performed in public in a while, but I really hope she’ll gift us with her talent tonight, because once you’ve heard her play the piano and sing, you’ll never forget it.”