Chapter 23 #2
“I loved it so much. It was the thing that made me special. Owen played the guitar from the time he was twelve, but he didn’t get really good until he was older.
When I was sixteen, I was invited to play with a local cover band at a festival.
It was the greatest day of my life. We killed it.
The guys in the band were so happy. My dad, though… He was furious.”
“Why?” Deacon wished he could have five minutes alone with the man who’d fathered her.
“He said he didn’t like me spending time with men who looked at me like I was their little whore.”
“Come on.” He ached for her even as he wished he had something he could punch.
“I didn’t know what a whore was. I had to look it up.”
Deacon put his arm around her and brought her as close to him as he could get her. He wanted to hold her and protect her and keep her from ever being hurt again. And he’d never wanted that with any other woman. Not like this.
“When we moved that summer, he told me we couldn’t fit the piano in the move, so he’d sold it.
I was hysterical for days. I begged him to reconsider.
My mom begged him. But he wasn’t having it.
The people who bought the piano came to get it and took it away.
I hadn’t played again until tonight, when Owen basically forced me to. ”
He couldn’t believe she hadn’t played since she was sixteen but had sounded like an angel tonight. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, sweetheart.”
“It was nothing compared to what happened to Owen.”
“It was everything to you.” He ran his fingers through her hair, over and over again, trying to contain the rage that boiled in his gut. “Evan’s right. You have a rare and special gift. I’ve never heard anything more beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Why didn’t you go back to it when you were free of him?”
“I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy discussing that. The best explanation I can give is that you end up in survival mode after living the way we did for so long. You’re conditioned to avoid the things that caused pain in the past. Music equaled pain for me, so I avoided it.”
“I want you to have the music again, this time without the pain. I want that for you so badly. I want it for me, too, and everyone else who’ll have the pleasure of hearing you sing and play.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You can. You just did. Your dad is never going to be able to hurt you again.”
“I know.” She looked up at him, her expression so open and trusting. “You should know that I’ve never talked about this with anyone, not even Owen or Katie. I refused to discuss it after it happened. I just locked it away and tried to move on.”
“Thank you for sharing it with me. It means a lot to me that you did.”
“I couldn’t believe Owen was doing that…”
“He wants you to have it again, too.”
“When I got to the stage, he said, ‘Take it back, Jule.’”
“That’s exactly what you should do. Your father forced you to give it up. Now you can take it back and give him a massive middle finger.”
Julia laughed at the ferocious way he said that.
“What’s so funny?”
“You are.”
“I’m dead serious, Julia.”
“I know, and I appreciate it. I really do.”
“You’re free of him. You’re all free of him.
Your mom has remarried. Owen and Katie have made beautiful lives for themselves.
Your other siblings are doing well. There’s no reason whatsoever that you shouldn’t have anything and everything you want.
If you want to play and perform, then that’s what you should do.
You should play every single day, if that’s what you want to do. ”
His encouragement meant so much to her. “I used to think Katie was ridiculous for never dating until she met Shane, but as much as I mocked her for it, I understood her reasoning. She’d rather be alone than take a chance that she’d end up with someone like the man who fathered us.
I did the same thing, only in a different way.
I avoided things I used to love out of fear they’d be taken from me again. ”
“Is it okay for me to say that I hope he gets the shit beat out of him in prison?”
She snorted with laughter. “It’s okay for you to say that, but I don’t hope for that, because I’d never want anyone to be hurt the way he hurt us, even him. I just can’t carry that kind of anger around, or it’ll swallow me whole. That’s something I’ve learned in therapy, too.”
“Is it okay for me to say that I’ve known you… Is it four whole days yet?”
“I think today is day three.”
“I’ve known you three days, and I’ve never met anyone I admire more than I do you.”
“I’m not sure I deserve that.”
“You absolutely do. You deserve everything, and you should have anything you want. The sky’s the limit.” He would move heaven and earth if that was what it took to make sure she got whatever she wanted.
“Right now, I’m thrilled to have a new job to go to in the morning, an adorable puppy to love, my money back in the bank where it belongs and a sexy new guy in my bed. Life is good.”
He kissed her neck and made her shiver. “I’m very glad to have made the list of things that’re making your life good.”
“You’re at the top of the list. I should’ve started with you.” Over his shoulder, she watched the digital clock on the bedside table hit two a.m. and groaned. “We need to sleep, or tomorrow will be a nightmare.”
“I should go so you can get some rest.”
When he would’ve gotten up, Julia stopped him. “Stay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Mmm, I’m very sure.”
“Very sure, huh? I like that.”
“I like you.”
Deacon tipped her chin up to receive his kiss. “I like you, too. A whole lot.” He settled her head on his chest and rubbed her back until she fell asleep, but he was awake for a long time thinking about the things she’d told him and aching for her.